Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML
Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML
Today, my wife is giving me the silent treatment and has locked herself in the bedroom, all because I politely asked her to put the dishcloth away when she was done with it. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, my wife screamed, cried, called me lazy and a bad parent, and threatened to leave and take our four kids. All I did was ask for an hour to myself every day for some private time. FML
Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. The problem is she convinced me to get a vasectomy two years ago. FML
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
Today, my wife and I have a perfect life together, nice house, nice cars, fun hobbies, fun holidays, love each other, lots of sex and so on. After 12 years of marital bliss, she wants to ruin all that by having a baby, and has even threatened divorce. FML
Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML
Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML
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Top comments
Crowned Sataness 12
you might wanna think twice about having a child with her. it's only going to get worse
slkeithh 14
Luck be with you. It's only going to get worse.
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Comments (8)
slkeithh 14
Luck be with you. It's only going to get worse.
RichardPencil 32
You're spilling your seed when your wife needs it? You might end up like Onan.
RichardPencil 32
It does. I'm like the Eminem of this site -- it feels so empty without me. People don't read the comments section to see insincere support or obvious advice. They want something that will make them laugh or fume.
KingCassie 11
Man, you're kind of a dick sometimes though. Commenting horrible stuff on truly sad FMLs
Crowned Sataness 12
you might wanna think twice about having a child with her. it's only going to get worse
Hangryko 32
Tell her adoption is an option.
Iifa 7
Married?! Really. And she thinks masturbation is bad? Don't most doctors say that sex cannot be a chore and stress hormones will affect the pregnancy. When sex is a chore then the only option is to do it yourself properly. So married and want children? - maybe have an open discussion about sex, future children, sex life and its importance after kids, how would you educated your own children about sex, will she punish kids for masturbation? She might be just really under pressure to get pregnant, but I would still ask. Because if sex is chore now will she be put off sex after kids and it'll definitely be on her terms and a planned chore. What about your needs, fantasies and wanting to have playful fun sex? Maybe she is one of those that believe adults have sex in one boring way as only.kids do other stuff.
IHaveThePower 18
Okay, you BOTH need to take a break from the baby thing for a few weeks. Go have fun with each other and RELAX. It's high time for some downtime for both of you--a quick vacation on a lake or going out to a spa day, just SOMETHING. Rest before you two end up snapping and punching each other in the face.
dreams2383 20
you need to talk to her about it and tell her she has made sex not fun anymore. some that have tried in the way your wife has don't get pregnant until a fun night out with drinks and dancing or even a movie. your body knows it's a chore now. you both got to relax and maybe get the mindset that if it happens the first year it will happen but stop putting pressure on it.
wysegirl 24
Tell her she needs to relax. I don't know how long you guys have been trying but if it's becoming a chore there is more stress reducing the chances of getting pregnant. GL OP