Today, after hearing the doctor saying my girlfriend can never be pregnant, I got a bit too excited. I'm currently on the 5th hour of the silent treatment. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she's pregnant and I did not take it well. She had planned to record my happy reaction for Facebook; instead she got video of me bursting into tears, and trying to talk her into an emergency abortion. She sent it to my parents to punish me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML
Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML
Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML
Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend the silent treatment. He put his Facebook status as "When your girlfriend finally shuts up for once". FML
Today, my girlfriend missed our date, so I angrily texted her, telling her if she can't make our dates then we should break up, and generally telling her off. Five minutes later I get a picture of her sleeping in a hospital bed from her mother, saying, "Shut the fuck up, she had appendicitis." FML
Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Get a vasectomy if you don't want children. Sympathize with your girlfriend because learning of infertility can be devastating for some.
GavinoFreedom 20
Well I would say that you deserved it but you already know that.
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Comments (322)
TooManyProblems 13
Tbh, you definitely deserve it. Just cause you don't want kids or aren't ready for kids doesn't mean she never wanted kids, and you being excited over the fact that she can NEVER have them. You're lucky she didn't dump you cause I would, you don't want kids? Go ahead get a vasectomy yourself but maybe she wanted to have kids sometime in her life. You Op need to grow up and stop being such an asshole.
Emmaleigh6692 7
In my opinion you're lucky to still be alive and have your testicles attached to your body.
open_secrets 15
that's like that last thing most women wanna hear so to do that is a dick move acting like a dick isn't gonna make yours any bigger (-_-)
smoothies14 32
You selfish bastard. This made me so pissed.
kingodsucksville 18
Wow
lovelockdown23 23
you inconsiderate, obnoxious a-hole. you have ALOT of making up to do. I suggest you start now because at this point she's probably thinking about leaving. yes it's definitely that severe.
hektek 11
you're an insensitive asshole, she should leave your stupid ass!
esca6angel 16
....yeah you deserve it. very insensitive
Miss_Mandi 29
So what you're saying is, you got happy at hearing your girlfriend's misfortune. Hell no. I would've chopped off your balls if I were her. I have cysts and could possibly be told in the future that I can't have children, so I imagine her pain, and you're an insensitive prick for being happy with her infertility. I'm glad you chose not to reproduce, we don't need more of you in the world.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
"Today, my doctor told me I can't become pregnant. My boyfriend became happy and excited upon hearing the news. FML"