Miscellaneous: Today, it's my birthday. My friends don't believe me since they...

By ldemosthenous

Today, it's my birthday. My friends don't believe me since they "didn't get a Facebook notification." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4715

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Miscellaneous

Mother of the year

Instadrama

At will

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the friend I signed a lease with is actually a wanted drug dealer. I only found this out after the police kicked in the door at 5am and raided our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16140

You deserved it

1395

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By Alone - United States - Chapel Hill

Today, my girlfriend found a letter I'd written to myself for moral support while we were broken up, in which I explained why we would never work out. Apparently I made a convincing argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40206

You deserved it

37820

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By catwithwatermelononhead

The gift that keeps not arriving...

Today, the $800, large capacity, professional carpet steam cleaner my husband supposedly bought me for Christmas got "lost in the mail". So did the refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4114

You deserved it

287

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By scot - United States - Granby

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27142

You deserved it

13894

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By Rakib - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I put aside my weekend plans to help my aunt with the extermination guy spraying her new house down to prevent cockroaches. After he left, my aunt asked me to go in and turn off the lights because the fumes were very deadly. If I chose not to, she would tell my mom I did nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25742

You deserved it

2044

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By EmbarrassedWife

Today, I texted my husband saying, “No sex tonight, it’s a bloodbath” and realized it was in a group chat with his parents, not directly to him like I'd intended. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2284

You deserved it

1904

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By Username - France

Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last night when he'd held my hair back as I puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12666

You deserved it

34871

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Strange noise

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2677

You deserved it

207

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By unloved - United States

Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42261

You deserved it

6819

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By Panda_Bearr - United States

Today, it was my last day at my dad's. I thought he'd want to say goodbye, instead he told me, "Hope you've got all your shit. Anything you leave, I'm burning." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33586

You deserved it

2705

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27493

You deserved it

4714

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By ManInPain - United States

Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42029

You deserved it

4894

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By ledentist - United States - Center Barnstead

Today, my dentist dropped my bite plate for x-rays on the ground, picked it up, looked at it intently, took a couple of hairs off, and shoved it back into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29378

You deserved it

2278

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By Rissa Warrington - Canada

Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33729

You deserved it

4672

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By KDM - Australia

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24881

You deserved it

6578

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By bun593 - United States

Today, I gave a technical presentation to a group of male colleagues. I was surprised by how attentive they were until I went to the washroom and realized that they could see every detail of my nipples through my new shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25180

You deserved it

16174

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By cinderella - Netherlands

Today, I found my beloved hamster dead in her cage. Later that day, my boyfriend told me he already noticed that she was dead last night, but did not feel like telling me because he was afraid I wouldn't feel like doing it anymore that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33306

You deserved it

4459

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By spiderwoman - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20245

You deserved it

32086

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss explained that the company will be letting me go. She got so upset that she couldn't leave her office and I had to console her. I had to make her feel less sad for laying me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31943

You deserved it

2678

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By tyler_powellROTC - United States - Irving

Today, while practicing for a competition, someone decided to spin a rifle with a bayonet. I'm currently sitting in the ER with stitches in my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7127

You deserved it

531

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By lonelyniceguy - United States

Today, my sister's boyfriend came over to the house. I thought I would be nice and cook them both a dinner along with my own. Mine took a little longer to cook, so they ate before me and went back to her bedroom. I ate alone to the sound of them having fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32549

You deserved it

4625

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By KelseNM - 5/7/2020 14:02

Just No

Today, my future sister-in-law, who hasn’t even been engaged a week, informed everyone that the wedding is December 19, which is the due date of my first child. My brother won’t change the date and is making my family choose between his wedding or being at the hospital with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2231

You deserved it

157

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By thesparrow - United States

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35436

You deserved it

2361

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By Inkabadger - Canada

Today, since we hadn't been romantic for a long time, I shaved, took a bath, cut my hair and snuggled up to my husband in bed. He got up, went to the computer, masturbated to porn, came back to bed and asked me what was for breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32863

You deserved it

4053

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By Spencer Chan

Today, I ended a 15-year relationship. Don't worry, it wasn't mine. It was my parents'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4372

You deserved it

551

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By IMSERIOUS - United States - Anaheim

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45908

You deserved it

5785

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By Dartfrogger - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30878

You deserved it

2962

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By prickly - United States

Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42925

You deserved it

2837

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By nycol - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old boyfriend why it is not okay to pee in the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26892

You deserved it

5340

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By Uwrongfodat - United States - Denton

Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61681

You deserved it

4257

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57346

You deserved it

2702

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By lonelyhubby - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46323

You deserved it

12036

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into the restroom at work to see my boss standing at the urinal, pissing like a toddler. He had his pants around his ankles, ass fully exposed. Now I'm never going to be able to take anything he says seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24227

You deserved it

1795

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By notpreggers - United Kingdom

Today, I was wearing a new 500 dollar dress on a crowded train. I looked great and I could feel the eyes on me. A cute guy then offered me his seat, only boosting my confidence more until he said "for you and the baby," pointing at a bump in my dress. I'm not pregnant and wasted 500 dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55824

You deserved it

28758

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By need not know

Still married

Today, while fixing my dad's phone, I saw Tinder installed. He's still married to my mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2863

You deserved it

212

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By DBR - United States

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28530

You deserved it

5046

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By ToddesPizza - United States - Coos Bay

Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20530

You deserved it

11546

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By Amberizzle - United States

Today, it is my three-year-anniversary with my boyfriend. I asked if he had planned anything for us, and he said yes. My parents volunteered to watch our daughter, I got all excited, and apparently our "plans" are to watch a football game. What do I get to do? Make sandwiches. For him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38727

You deserved it

8518

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By MH - Norway - Sandnes

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43916

You deserved it

3956

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By Anonymous - United States - Richardson

Today, our band had a road trip. Two people chose to stack themselves on top of each other to share a seat rather than sit in the last seat next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30936

You deserved it

3272

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7443659 - Monday 24 April 2017 16:55

If your FB profile isn't properly completed, how do your "friends" accept that you exist at all?

By HoboMeth | 32

#7443642 - Monday 24 April 2017 16:00

I don't believe they're really your friends then

COMMENTS

By HoboMeth | 32

#7443642 - Monday 24 April 2017 16:00

I don't believe they're really your friends then

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7443643 - Monday 24 April 2017 16:01

That's sad that your friends will believe Facebook over you for something like this.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7443659 - Monday 24 April 2017 16:55

If your FB profile isn't properly completed, how do your "friends" accept that you exist at all?

By awildwhisper | 30

#7443668 - Monday 24 April 2017 17:31

Delete Facebook and see if they stop talking to you because you ceased to exist.

vibernum | 17

#7445238 - Thursday 27 April 2017 14:14

Mine would

By CantTouchThat | 27

#7443670 - Monday 24 April 2017 17:35

I don't believe it either. I don't see you on the FML birthday list.

CantTouchThat | 27

#7444798 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 18:23

Sarcasm..

By wickedgetz | 29

#7443709 - Monday 24 April 2017 18:51

time to update your Facebook profile... and also keep your so called friends as just facebook friends

By Gensler | 12

#7443744 - Monday 24 April 2017 20:24

And to think somehow people figured out when their friends birthdays were before Facebook.

By Hippo_Holiday | 19

#7443893 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 6:38

Just get your passport out and watch the jaws drop, and wait to hear the glorious sound of apologies and anguish

By BARNEYSTINSON315 | 10

#7444768 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 17:22

Belated Happy Birthday!

By samwilliams800 | 28

#7445012 - Thursday 27 April 2017 1:25

You kinda deserve it for having such stupid friends.