By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00
By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00
OP, here. Soooo.. I'm not a guy. And my friend is bisexual. But I thought it was great that you all thought I was a male, that and (most) of your comments actually made me feel better. For the other comments.. I know I deserved it, but it did suck, especially since I really didn't want to ask, but I thought "why not??".. Yeahhh.. I think I found out why not. ANYWAYS! For starters, we met when we were in middle school, I didn't have those kind of feelings for her back then. They've really just developed over the past few years. I haven't been in love with her for 9 years, that's just how long we've been friends. Okay, so this actually happened over a span of two days. The day I asked her out, she kind of freaked out, but she said it wasn't in a "bad" way. She mentioned that she had thought about a relationship with me in the past, and she was shocked that I was finally asking after so long, BUT that she needed time to think. I assumed that meant no, and I was assuming she would say no from the start. I asked her to just say no if she didn't want to, that I'm fine with it. She didn't answer when I said it, and she waited until the next day to answer.. with the puppy analogy. At first, she just drew "two girls = a girl with a dog" and gave me the drawing. I didn't know what that meant, so then she actually said what she meant it out loud. I was a bit annoyed that she didn't say no, she chose to choose an analogy. Honestly, a no would have been better (and less confusing.) I'm sure she didn't mean it in a bad way, she's not the greatest with words, but it hurt. I felt like it was a double smack in the face. We're still friends and I have no intentions of changing that. Anyhoo, thanks for the sweet comments. Hopefully some day I'll find "The One" and they won't think I'm a puppy. :*
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Add a comment - Reply to : #
Better her closest friend that lasts a lifetime than a relationship that turns sour and leaves your friendship awkward to impossible. Your lucky she's honest with you. Besides who doesn't love a puppy (so she does care), sounds like she thinks your just a little needy. Give yourself a couple more years to mature a little more and who knows...
Sounds to me like there are feelings there, but she's not ready for a commitment. Maybe in a few months or years she will give in to her natural feelings. Good luck, OP
Please, people, don't encourage OP "not to give up". Life is not a romantic comedy. If you have been rejected once, chances are that the other person does not feel the same way about you and will not change their mind. It doesn't mean she wouldn't love OP as a friend. I'd encourage OP to just direct his interest elsewhere and try to maintain the friendship. Although it would be nice to have a follow-up, OP: have you always had a crush on her? Or did you develop it just recently?
I'm not a fan of using the "friend zone" in such a negative way. Why is being friends with someone so wrong? We can't force feelings and each person only has room for one partner (usually), so it's a fairly prestigious spot to take. I would much rather have someone want to stay friends with me than to just dismiss the whole friendship because of a crush.
I agree with what you're saying my guy friends are seriously do or die forever friends and worth more than gold. But sometimes the friend zone is more than a crush. One can really love the other but it isn't mutual. You can't deny that's not miserable and painful when you want/ache for so much more. You can tell your brain being friends is great all you want, but your heart is still devastated by those words. In the moment a crush feels real too and hurts just as bad. It's real easy for the crushed on person to think being friends should be a great thing they aren't in pain longing for the other. That's why the friend zoned can suck. The friend zone as a place is fine, being friend zoned the verb sucks.
19, so you're telling me that just because you like someone that they MUST return your feelings? Grow up. It doesn't work that way. Sure, it might suck at first. But in the end, do you want to keep your friend? Or do you want to throw a tantrum and throw away the friendship? Think about it.
I think it's unfair to call it a temper tantrum. You're dismissing feelings that are pretty real to the "friend-zonee" and saying that they need to grow up and suck it up. Why does the friend-zonee owe the friend-zoner their attention when they don't feel the same way? It's very childish in itself to reject someone and call THEM childish when they don't act according to your own bizarre expectations.
I see your point 22 and indeed agree with you. The fact that you're in love with someone shouldn't mean that they're obligated to love you back. However, it doesn't stop the friend zone from being a harsh and terrible place for the friend who wants more from the relationship. Believe me, I've a friend who was in love with his best friend. Naturally. she called to tell him of her newest crush or how successfully a date went. And he was obligated to be happy for her because what else are friends for? Watching the very fake happiness was just brutal.
You do know you're don't owe him your attention, right? You talk about it as if you owe him that no matter what because you happened to be friends. I'm not saying that you shouldn't be friends, I'm just saying that maybe taking some time and distance from the friend zone seems like a viable option to people. That's not a bad thing.
28, you've concluded points that I didn't even talk about. I didn't say the friend-zonee owed anything to the friend-zoner. But in the end, who is the one that usually tarnishes the friendship because of this kind of situation? The one who has feelings, aka the friend-zonee. And also, if you think I have bizarre expectations, I don't. I have realistic ones. Not everyone will like me. So I have to deal with it. I can't be pissed off and bash this "friend zone" term just because I didn't get my way. That is why I said "grow up." If the other guy doesn't like me, it's shitty but I gotta just take it and move on.
Wow you guys read way too much into this. If you like someone and they want a relationship great, if they don't, they don't. It shouldn't be that big if a deal. Don't obsess over it. There are plenty of women who are cool to hang out with, but I don't want a relationship with them. Thats the way it is. It's not a bad thing. Just dont obsess. Realize the reality of the world. Everyone is not going to behave the way you want then too. Accept them for who they are. If they are fun to hang with then continue to hang out with them. If they are not, then be glad you arent in a relationship, you dodged a bulllet.
The bizarre expectations I meant were you regarding the friend-zonee. It's unfair to expect that they're fine and dandy with their situation and call them out when they want distance as if it were a bad thing. If they don't want to continue being friends, it's their choice.
It hurts to be friend zoned, but no one was saying that anyone was obligated to reciprocate any feelings. They're just saying that is unfortunate their crush didn't feel the same. The same way people can't expect their crush to reciprocate, it's unreasonable to expect someone to be perfectly happy after being shot down. It doesn't exactly feel good. They should be mature enough to compartmentalize their feelings so they don't damage the friendship though.
Sounds like she's just scared of it not working out and ruining your friendship. And she might view it as her 'responsibility' for it to work and not let that happen.
Harsh OP! Don't give up, though, she'll come around soon..
How soon? 9 more years? OP should fine romantic interest elsewhere. If they can remain friends despite his feelings good, otherwise, OP should also find a new best friend. Those relationships where one person is in love with the other, aren't healthy and are too difficult to handle.