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Today, I got engaged. My family is already placing bets on how long it will take for my fiancée to "wise up and ditch" me. FML

#20077487
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21054) - you deserved it (1943)

On 09/18/2012 at 7:22am - love - by thanksfamily (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was waiting at an intersection. Across from me, a car was approaching and a bunny ran out. Trying to save it, I flashed my lights and beeped at the car crazily, when the bunny turned around. The lights turned, and as I drove forward the bunny came back out and I hit it. FML

#6346193
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21050) - you deserved it (6637)

On 11/17/2009 at 8:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in the ER where I work as a registrar. A patient received a plastic urinal to use in his room. Most patients throw them away when they leave. He, however, decided to take it with him, and as he checked out, put it on the registration counter. Two feet from my face. It was used. FML

#17845071
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21049) - you deserved it (2390)

On 09/27/2011 at 1:18am - work - by CathyM - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML

#20126556
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21049) - you deserved it (2689)

On 10/21/2012 at 12:00pm - misc - by tempted to become single (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I brought to her attention a rather large zit on the corner of her mouth. She called me an insensitive prick. I only pointed it out because I didn't want other people to see it and make fun of her. FML

#8624928
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21046) - you deserved it (18456)

On 02/24/2010 at 9:26pm - love - by pickit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML

#13886609
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21046) - you deserved it (9041)

On 11/18/2010 at 10:34am - misc - by alltimelove -

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

#2418263
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21046) - you deserved it (220943)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

#15079652
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21040) - you deserved it (32804)

On 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by CutieBooty (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went into hospital and was being treated by a really cute doctor. Not knowing that I was going to end up here, I put on novelty underwear this morning. Well, at least he found the little green glow-in-the-dark skulls amusing. FML

#18402920
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21040) - you deserved it (5247)

On 12/01/2011 at 12:09pm - misc - by Hot Pants (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML

#19350917
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21039) - you deserved it (3092)

On 03/26/2012 at 12:15pm - misc - by Shantwozzlah (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked all the way across campus to eat the first meal I've had all day. After waiting for my food in a congested line for 30 minutes, I got to the register to pay. Turns out my wallet was a twenty minute walk away, back in my apartment. FML

#19051047
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21038) - you deserved it (6651)

On 02/11/2012 at 7:53pm - money - by ulring - United States

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21034) - you deserved it (128110)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML

#17474756
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21033) - you deserved it (6223)

On 08/14/2011 at 10:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved



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