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Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

by mr_loveless / 02/11/2013 at 2:19am / United States / Love

Today, I'm babysitting for kids whose parents said they would be back by 12. Its 4am and they still aren't home. I don't get paid enough for this. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2015 at 5:09am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

by stink / 06/30/2015 at 10:40pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, the rain was pouring really hard outside. I found this out when it started raining on me at 4 am inside my dorm room. Thanks college. FML

by ohcollege / 10/01/2010 at 6:04am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I spend more money on gas to go to my job than what I get paid. FML

by izziegrl / 09/24/2012 at 2:21pm / Mexico (Mexico) / Money

Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML

Today, someone photoshopped my head onto some nude girl's body and spread it around at school. It was shockingly convincing. Now everyone's calling me a slut, and the worst part is I have no idea which photo the person used or where they got it from, so I can't prove it's a fake. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2015 at 1:25pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML

by feelthelove / 11/02/2009 at 1:08pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

by The Towel Molester / 01/26/2012 at 9:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend asked me out was because the fortune ball app on his iPod told him to. FML

by amireallyloved / 02/17/2010 at 1:38am / United States (California) / Love

Today, after taking my jacket off at work, I found a large faint stain all across one side of my shirt. Turns out that my fiancé had used it to "clean up the bed." I am the manager of a supermarket with 40 employees. It was pretty obvious what it was. FML

by grimatwork / 11/01/2010 at 1:24pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Intimacy

Today, my mother-in-law said I wasn't the type she expected her son to marry, as he's always dated cheerleaders and model types. I must have looked offended, so she added, "I mean they weren't smart like you." So, I might be smart but I'm the ugliest girl my husband has ever been with. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2012 at 1:47am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

by Crappit / 10/06/2009 at 9:53am / United States (New York) / Intimacy