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Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

#18561191
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21753) - you deserved it (4988)

On 12/20/2011 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my parents are freaking at me because I just got my report and I failed my first year of college. They told me they have never been more disappointed in me. I have to tell them that I'm also pregnant. FML

#3800582
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21752) - you deserved it (93662)

On 07/16/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by failure - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I forgot to take a certain medication that helps turn my lead logs into flaky floaters. So what happens? I'm in the restroom for 30 minutes, straining to go, and two girls walk in and start imitating me. FML

Today, while landscaping my backyard, I was pulling a big weed out of the ground. After the last tug, the soil came free, but ended up with me punching myself full force in the nuts. I think my future children are already filing for parental abuse. FML

#19508765
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21750) - you deserved it (3958)

On 04/21/2012 at 11:27pm - health - by JurassicHole (man) - United States

Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML

#6863042
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21748) - you deserved it (8428)

On 12/21/2009 at 10:23am - intimacy - by johnG (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was conducting interviews and I could tell this particular candidate was really nervous, so I was extra nice. At the end, he was reluctant to shake my hand. On the way out I realised why: I had lost the top button on my low cut top, and he was nursing his appreciation of the view. FML

#13153381
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21748) - you deserved it (7601)

On 09/22/2010 at 4:49am - work - by pizzacat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

#13123963
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21748) - you deserved it (2672)

On 09/20/2010 at 2:13am - work - by sandra - United States

Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML

#19548307
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21748) - you deserved it (5840)

On 04/29/2012 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I went to the Apple store to try and figure out what's going on with my iPhone. After an hour of speaking to three different geniuses and waiting around, their solution was to "Google it." FML

#20171869
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21747) - you deserved it (3397)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:42am - misc - by Jo - United States (California)

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

#21164174
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21746) - you deserved it (38938)

On 06/05/2014 at 6:23pm - misc - by charitableidiot (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

#19343109
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21741) - you deserved it (1753)

On 03/25/2012 at 3:12am - misc - by LesToiliettes - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had a conference with my dad, my counselor, and my history and English teachers because my dad was "concerned" about my grades in those two classes. We talked for a while and it was going well, then my counselor asked what I wanted to study in college. I said I wanted to be a teacher. He laughed. FML

#13042004
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21737) - you deserved it (4197)

On 09/13/2010 at 10:56pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my high school crush at Target. When I asked her if she remembered me, she patted me on the head, said, "Unfortunately," and walked away. FML

#20191408
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21737) - you deserved it (2310)

On 12/04/2012 at 8:06pm - misc - by Likian5 (man) - United States



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

The whole blog

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