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Today, I went to Safeway. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake and he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items. FML

#19725175
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22307) - you deserved it (4337)

On 06/03/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by ilovezim29 - United States (California)

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

#20861665
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22307) - you deserved it (65529)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by criminal tit offender - United States (Alabama)

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

#10481687
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22304) - you deserved it (5398)

On 05/12/2010 at 5:49am - health - by nick - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

#8680968
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22303) - you deserved it (2718)

On 02/27/2010 at 1:36am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML

#18954545
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22303) - you deserved it (1994)

On 01/30/2012 at 6:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got my car back from the shop. The engine has been rebuilt twice in the past 3 months. My check engine light just came on. FML

#14574374
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22303) - you deserved it (3018)

On 01/14/2011 at 2:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my parents want me to become a lawyer, all because our family members keep getting into feuds and court cases. I'm a successful developer, and run my own company. FML

#18782870
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22301) - you deserved it (2149)

On 01/12/2012 at 5:14am - work - by me_the_maniak - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I woke up and went to go have a shower. The trouble is, my bedroom door is broken and will no longer open. My mother's idea of helping was pushing a note under the door saying she'll be back in a couple of hours. FML

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

#13722404
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22300) - you deserved it (4152)

On 11/05/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

#20876850
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22300) - you deserved it (74861)

On 09/11/2013 at 9:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

#17735625
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22299) - you deserved it (3575)

On 09/13/2011 at 10:48am - health - by .. - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend picked me up bridal-style to carry me to our bed. As he carried me through the bedroom door, the dog ran between his legs and sent us both crashing to the ground. FML

#18368506
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22298) - you deserved it (3095)

On 11/27/2011 at 5:46pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house and caught her digging for gold. She wasn't picking her nose - she was literally trying to dig for gold in her backyard. FML

#19926554
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22296) - you deserved it (2606)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:03am - love - by anidiotskeeper (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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