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Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

#19608158
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26599) - you deserved it (6494)

On 05/11/2012 at 5:41pm - misc - by rongo12 (man) -

Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML

#19501671
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26596) - you deserved it (1945)

On 04/20/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by ohgodwhy (woman) - United States

Today, I found out the real reason why my brother wasn't at his fiancé's Halloween party. He's been in jail for the past 3 months. When was anyone going to tell me? FML

#13800215
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26596) - you deserved it (2977)

On 11/11/2010 at 9:27am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my roommate was packing up her kitchen stuff as she prepared to move out. Apparently that includes the majority of things I bought last week to replace all of her stuff she is taking. FML

#17870431
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26595) - you deserved it (2851)

On 09/30/2011 at 11:12am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML

#6404415
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26594) - you deserved it (18177)

On 11/22/2009 at 12:39pm - misc - by nolinguist (woman) - Austria (Oberosterreich)

Today, my mom wanted to send me a picture of me at graduation, saying that I looked pretty in it. It was a picture of a different girl; definitely not me. Way to go, mom. FML

#19909229
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26593) - you deserved it (1668)

On 07/08/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to the drugstore to get supplies for my broken toe. Because of the swelling, I could only wear open-toed sandals on this cold day. At the store, a tall, heavy man in winter boots tried to get by me, and ended up stepping on the toes of my good foot. FML

#7094930
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26592) - you deserved it (2484)

On 01/02/2010 at 12:26am - health - by ouchie (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML

#8823519
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26592) - you deserved it (2682)

On 03/04/2010 at 1:52pm - health - by GoDiarrhea (woman) - Argentina (Distrito Federal)

Today, after telling my boyfriend I was willing to try just about anything to revive our sex life, he confessed to having a swirly fetish. FML

#18414681
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26592) - you deserved it (4598)

On 12/02/2011 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by Jess49 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML

#21471822
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26592) - you deserved it (4068)

On 09/23/2015 at 11:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

#18954605
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26592) - you deserved it (9681)

On 01/30/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by upupandaway (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML

#20093277
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26591) - you deserved it (4979)

On 09/29/2012 at 5:14am - intimacy - by BabyG2222 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

#8851700
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26589) - you deserved it (2751)

On 03/05/2010 at 7:40pm - health - by artsmart1 - United States



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