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Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for 20 minutes because of a football game. FML

#5369463
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19196) - you deserved it (6027)

On 09/20/2009 at 10:17am - intimacy - by seminole711 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out I have a job interview coming up. For the job I'm currently doing and have been for the last nine months. My manager told me not to expect too much. FML

#13152875
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19197) - you deserved it (1985)

On 09/22/2010 at 2:56am - work - by innuendom - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was reminded that I used by dad's camera all summer to take naked pictures for boyfriend when my dad sent me an email saying: "FYI: when you delete pictures directly off the camera they get uploaded as trash files when the camera is connected to the computer." He saw them all. FML

#892613
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19195) - you deserved it (78176)

On 04/09/2009 at 9:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

#993995
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19195) - you deserved it (59782)

On 04/15/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by caramelkarma (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a man came up to me at the bus stop. He went into this long story about how his girlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back, "sounds like you should invest in condoms instead of food." He responded by beating and robbing me. FML

Today, I had to convince my 28-year-old boyfriend to take down his booger wall. FML

#19584469
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19192) - you deserved it (4690)

On 05/06/2012 at 10:03pm - misc - by fock (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, trying to make my 6 year old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say "daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML

#1453459
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19188) - you deserved it (46325)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mother had 'the talk' with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML

#5784290
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19182) - you deserved it (1787)

On 10/11/2009 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I somehow managed to hit my head on a first aid kit. I now have a cut on my forehead and my boyfriend just keeps laughing from the irony. FML

#19490563
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19183) - you deserved it (3592)

On 04/18/2012 at 4:18pm - health - by 352 - United States

Today, I was at a gas station when the cash register made a sound effect similar to one from Sonic the Hedgehog, and I pointed this out. The cashier then saw fit to go on a rant about how I need to stop focusing on video games, and get a life and a girlfriend. FML

#20006832
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19182) - you deserved it (6240)

On 08/07/2012 at 12:16am - misc - by Marcowalker95 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

#5754527
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19178) - you deserved it (4257)

On 10/10/2009 at 6:19am - intimacy - by Taraa3 (woman) - United Kingdom (Hartlepool)

Today, I fell asleep in a lecture. I laughed at something amusing in Dreamworld, but the laugh came out as a prolonged creepy groan in Lectureworld. I woke up to see everyone within a 5 meter radius staring at me. FML

#6286266
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19177) - you deserved it (12074)

On 11/13/2009 at 10:53am - misc - by teepee - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I decided to make myself a nice meal. I bought expensive pasta and sauce etc. It looked delicious, I decided the finishing touch would be some parmesan cheese. I grabbed the bag and threw a handful of cheese on my meal. The cheese was about 98% mould. FML

#6465466
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19176) - you deserved it (25167)

On 11/26/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by garlicbread (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)



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