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Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to quickly jump up out from his desk. Somehow, my shirt got caught on the desk, ripping it almost completely off in front of a live audience. FML

by me / 11/12/2010 at 12:41am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my professor called me out in the middle of a lecture to ask why I was bleeding. I then had to explain to him, in front of around one hundred of my fellow classmates, that my largest zit had burst. FML

by Jayne / 03/29/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Health

Today, I was studying on a bench outside my dorm when the leg snapped. I decided to do the right thing and let administration know what happened. After assuring me it wasn't my fault, and having me fill out an incident report, they billed me $400. I can't enroll for next semester until I pay. FML

by smoothies14 / 11/06/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Money

Today, I crashed into a ditch on my way home from work. I had to walk 2 miles in -25 below zero weather before I could pick up a cell phone signal to call a tow truck. When I got back to my car, a cop was waiting for me with a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. FML

by dirk855 / 01/18/2009 at 5:29am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

Today, I noticed a girl looking at me on the train. Playing it cool, I decided to give her a smile and see what would happen. It came out as a creepy, seedy grin, prompting her to call security. FML

by creepyguy / 12/26/2009 at 7:06am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation

Today, I'm on holiday in Vietnam, and was wearing a new shirt. In a restaurant, the waitress pointed at my shirt and said something I couldn't understand, so I just smiled and nodded my head. She then gave me a weird look and walked away. Turns out there was a huge spider on it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 4:40am / Vietnam / Animals

Today, I found out that my family hides food from me. FML

by Stupid_Chick / 05/31/2010 at 9:09pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Health

Today, a woman at work told me that her kid had puked into "a storage bin" in the office. It wasn't a storage bin, it was the outgoing mail tray on the side of my desk containing important contract documents that had to be posted by 5pm that day. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2015 at 5:18am / United Kingdom / Work

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2012 at 2:27am / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed. His reason? A Las Vegas wedding came up on Groupon. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2012 at 1:04am / United States / Love

Today, and for the first time in months, I woke up feeling well rested and ready to face the day. At 7pm. FML

by better late than never / 05/08/2015 at 5:32pm / Health

Today, I awoke at 5am to the smell of smoke and the sound of sirens. It seems the whole Santa Monica Fire Department had made it outside our apartment complex. We had to wake up every single person on our floor. What for? An old lady burned a muffin. FML

by Muffinhater / 12/23/2009 at 10:21pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told to shovel four inches of snow from my driveway. I had to get the snow shovel from the rafters of my garage, and there were other tools with it. As I was yanking the shovel down, a pickax fell and smashed through the back window of my dad's Buick. FML

by Charlie8u347 / 12/29/2009 at 3:26pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation