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Today, I got hit by a car. Not a real one, though; my sister thought it would be funny to take her RC car and smash it over my head as hard as she could. FML

by Gilan / 04/05/2015 at 8:59pm / United States (California) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at work, a customer left their cell phone behind. I tried to see if there were any pictures so that I could identify them. No, I still don't know what they look like, but I have seen their penis. FML

by khaelian / 12/08/2010 at 6:47am / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed. His reason? A Las Vegas wedding came up on Groupon. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2012 at 1:04am / United States / Love

Today, I received a promotional message offering a half-off deal on an expensive coffee maker. The only reason why I received the message is because I bought that same coffee maker yesterday and I signed up to their mailing list. FML

by FFS / 05/28/2015 at 1:41pm / Cyprus (Limassol) / Money

Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML

by nolinguist / 11/22/2009 at 12:39pm / Austria (Oberosterreich) / Holidays

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

by Dv0829 / 10/21/2011 at 1:42am / United States (Utah) / Animals

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

by 30000 / 01/01/2015 at 10:38pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking in the shoes I'm going to wear for a wedding and fell, spraining my ankle. I'm the Matron of Honor and I can barely walk. The wedding is in three days. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed with a pedestal fan on facing us when my boyfriend sneezed. Where did he sneeze? Into the fan, which then sprayed it all over my face. FML

by gross / 10/20/2010 at 12:14pm / Australia / Love

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend of two years expressing my feelings for her. She responded with, "I'm going to bed." FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2012 at 2:27am / United States / Love

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

by Caroline / 02/24/2013 at 4:34am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Health

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

by FastFoodWaiter / 09/03/2012 at 7:43pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, after paying a job coach a load of money for his services, pretty much the only advice he gave me was "Send out more résumés." FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2015 at 11:30am / United States (Missouri) / Work