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Today, my brother saw my side when my shirt came up, and asked when I got a tattoo; the pink he saw was in fact my stretch marks. Worst of all, I had to show them to everyone to prove I didn't actually get a tattoo. FML

#20096505
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25088) - you deserved it (2805)

On 10/01/2012 at 7:35am - health - by screw life (woman) - United States

Today, my mum read a forwarded email, and is now convinced that eating processed food will make my ovaries shrink and disappear. Now she goes batshit crazy if she sees me eating potato chips. FML

#18684418
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25087) - you deserved it (2537)

On 01/02/2012 at 7:18am - health - by sohungry (woman) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, my fiancé emailed me some steamy pics. Too bad he forgot to erase "FWD:" from the subject line. FML

#19641657
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25087) - you deserved it (2256)

On 05/18/2012 at 12:05pm - love - by ohyesIfeelspecial (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, in bare consciousness, I found out what it feels like to be stabbed in the hand with an earring. How? By slamming my hand on the snooze button of my alarm and missing horribly. FML

#21411522
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25087) - you deserved it (6086)

On 05/17/2015 at 3:32pm - misc - by norpedo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, like all days, my cat brought something to my doorstep. Usually it's a slew of dead mice; but today he decided to bring this big, ugly snake. I'm always the only one in my family 'brave' enough to go fetch our cat's gift. It took until lifting it up to realize the snake wasn't dead. FML

#8309732
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25086) - you deserved it (2803)

On 02/15/2010 at 7:08pm - animals - by Mary (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I quit my job so I wouldn't have to work with this one complete fuck-wit anymore. I told him what I thought of him, and then walked away giving him the middle finger. Turns out, he is a regular customer at my new job. Everyone loves him and thinks he's awesome. FML

#21435181
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25089) - you deserved it (9488)

On 07/02/2015 at 12:49am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, it was my turn to do the suite's dishes. I was in the process of drying my roommate's coffee mug when the handle suddenly snapped off and the sharp edge left on the mug scraped down my arm. I now have a 3-inch long gash in my arm. I was attacked by a cheap coffee mug. FML

#6351303
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25085) - you deserved it (3731)

On 11/18/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by disheshateme (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I dropped my handbag into a water-filled gutter. As I was hurriedly fishing out the contents of my bag, I looked up. There was my ex, with the girl he left me for walking past, timed exactly to coincide with me manically scooping up one of many rapidly absorbing tampons. FML

#20194448
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25085) - you deserved it (1945)

On 12/06/2012 at 10:11pm - love - by shamefaced (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

#17406072
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25084) - you deserved it (3769)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:12am - misc - by MissArizona (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

#12150388
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25084) - you deserved it (2476)

On 07/27/2010 at 7:25pm - work - by hurikan68 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to use antiperspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

#19152897
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25082) - you deserved it (6218)

On 02/24/2012 at 10:05am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

#21346702
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25082) - you deserved it (2169)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML

#13012343
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25081) - you deserved it (8874)

On 09/12/2010 at 12:07am - intimacy - by ewmomew (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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