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Today, I played a game with my boyfriend. The point of the game is to write down everything you like about someone. I put down at least ten things for him. He had one thing down for me: my boobs. FML

#19469984
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24989) - you deserved it (5526)

On 04/15/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Were do we go... - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

#1791192
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24985) - you deserved it (82245)

On 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by Jeremy (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me he was showing off pictures of me to co-workers. It wasn't until later that he said, "Don't worry, they were old pictures, from when you were hot." They were from four years ago. FML

#8271296
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24985) - you deserved it (3882)

On 02/14/2010 at 10:09pm - love - by Vgameboi (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was unaware that me losing my virginity was also breakup sex. FML

#21460101
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24984) - you deserved it (2300)

On 08/24/2015 at 2:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I apologized to the cat for walking into the laundry room while he was using the litter box. FML

#17734128
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24983) - you deserved it (9702)

On 09/13/2011 at 2:05am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was going for a walk and I kept smelling pee wherever I went. After about an hour, I finally figured out that the smell was me. My dog had peed on my sweatshirt. FML

#19166292
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24983) - you deserved it (4829)

On 02/26/2012 at 7:28am - animals - by katams - United States

Today, my fiancé and I had a fight over household expenses. He's never had a job in his life, but this didn't stop him demanding that I get another full-time job to pay for video games and beer. FML

#15177236
477 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24982) - you deserved it (52498)

On 03/02/2011 at 6:21pm - money - by me - United States (Washington)

Today, for the second day in a row, I got to hear both of my roommates having sex, through two closed doors and a hallway. This is as I hit my thirtieth month of involuntary celibacy. FML

#20058791
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24981) - you deserved it (3661)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Scholar - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that once you love somebody you can never truly fall "out of love" with them. She wasn't talking about me, she was talking about her ex. FML

#21435838
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24980) - you deserved it (1765)

On 07/03/2015 at 11:52am - love - by worriedman - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

#2478
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24979) - you deserved it (8358)

On 01/24/2009 at 7:27pm - kids - by thatsjustgreat - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

#20012686
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24977) - you deserved it (3176)

On 08/10/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by banana2894 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

#20480007
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24977) - you deserved it (8248)

On 01/26/2013 at 4:51pm - misc - by go snope yourself (man) - United Kingdom



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