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Today, I told my friend over the phone that I had to go drop the kids off at the pool. She told me that she didn't need to know about my bathroom habits and hung up on me. I really had to take my children to the local swimming pool for swim lessons. FML

#19844489
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20685) - you deserved it (2502)

On 06/25/2012 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, we were closing the restaurant early. I begin mopping as a couple walks in. The lady slips and falls, and to avoid a lawsuit, we offer them free food. After they left, I slipped on the freshly mopped kitchen floor with dishes in my hands. I didn't get free food. FML

#13056809
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20683) - you deserved it (7827)

On 09/15/2010 at 12:24am - work - by clumsyandhungry (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

#20125284
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20679) - you deserved it (4721)

On 10/20/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by nahalDZ - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

#19066178
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20678) - you deserved it (4155)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:31pm - kids - by Username - India

Today, I brought my own thermos of coffee on the train with me, the kind that flips open to uncover the mouth part. I take a few swigs and notice a cute boy nervously smiling at me. Suddenly, I feel something drip down my nose. The flip part was leaving drops of coffee all over my forehead. FML

#15689448
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20677) - you deserved it (5611)

On 04/08/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I gave a technical presentation to a group of male colleagues. I was surprised by how attentive they were until I went to the washroom and realized that they could see every detail of my nipples through my new shirt. FML

#8673018
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20675) - you deserved it (14233)

On 02/26/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by bun593 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

#15791690
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20675) - you deserved it (52338)

On 04/15/2011 at 1:34am - intimacy - by fmyhabit - United States (Utah)

Today, I had dinner with my family at a fancy restaurant. They kept commenting about how cold it was and asked the waitress to turn off the air conditioning. When I got home, I realized the embroidered daisies on my undershirt made it look like I have giant protruding nipples. FML

#5243719
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20673) - you deserved it (5234)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was planning to start my fitness regime and lose weight, using the bike that had been lying unused in my garden for the past six months. Tonight, the bike was stolen from my garden. FML

#18802834
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20673) - you deserved it (5499)

On 01/14/2012 at 2:51am - misc - by baby shak - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

#19994302
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20672) - you deserved it (3052)

On 07/31/2012 at 10:28am - misc - by gmd05 (woman) - United States

Today, I discovered that my roommate uses her twitter to complain about me. FML

#7725800
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20671) - you deserved it (5178)

On 01/30/2010 at 11:01pm - misc - by sparkle (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I accidentally downloaded a virus, which hijacked my email program. I somehow doubt the Dean at my university will thank me for my suggestion that he too could experience 100% natural male enhancement pills. FML

#8874142
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20669) - you deserved it (5287)

On 03/06/2010 at 5:44pm - misc - by smarie09 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML

#18371495
113 comments


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