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Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML

#20097224
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21792) - you deserved it (2212)

On 10/01/2012 at 7:15pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML

#16411283
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21791) - you deserved it (48303)

On 05/30/2011 at 12:29am - love - by kingpin9219 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML

#18497934
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21790) - you deserved it (2692)

On 12/12/2011 at 9:04pm - misc - by unknown - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to have a long and awkward meeting with my boss. It wouldn't have been too awkward though, if I didn't have to avoid staring at her exposed breast whilst she fed her 8 week old baby. FML

Today, the clerk at Walmart asked me if the stretch mark cream I was buying was for my wife. I wish I could've said yes. FML

#17860948
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21789) - you deserved it (3693)

On 09/29/2011 at 1:01am - health - by random0605 - United States (Utah)

Today, I asked my best friend if he would do me the honour of becoming my son's godfather. He replied, "Um, that's just rude. You know I'm an atheist." Huh? FML

#19989164
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21788) - you deserved it (7541)

On 07/28/2012 at 2:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

#13070220
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21787) - you deserved it (17892)

On 09/16/2010 at 2:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my car was towed for the second time in front of my own house. They tried to tell me it was because they didn't think I lived there anymore. The person who had it towed had just spoken to me not three hours before. FML

#20047754
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21787) - you deserved it (1340)

On 08/29/2012 at 11:01am - money - by drixxy - United States (California)

Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML

#20079735
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21787) - you deserved it (2540)

On 09/19/2012 at 7:33pm - kids - by Judy - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML

#5661847
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21786) - you deserved it (4292)

On 10/05/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by swedishguy (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML

#20008728
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21785) - you deserved it (2401)

On 08/08/2012 at 12:19am - money - by Heinz (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after going to the doctor to have him look at a rash on my man bits, I asked him how to get rid of the redness. He shrugged and said: "Don't worry, nobody will see it other than you and me." He's right. FML

#9029398
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21784) - you deserved it (2531)

On 03/12/2010 at 7:19pm - intimacy - by argh (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

#20442057
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21783) - you deserved it (2200)

On 01/04/2013 at 1:12am - love - by Tiffosaur - United States



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