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Today, my dog was licking the dishes in the dishwasher when his collar got stuck on it. Then he got scared of the dishwasher rack following him and ran away really fast. Now I have no dishes. FML

Today, I finally found the jewelry my two-year-old son had lost when it got lodged in my foot. FML

#19526699
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14846) - you deserved it (1988)

On 04/25/2012 at 10:33am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML

#6991981
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14845) - you deserved it (4759)

On 12/28/2009 at 11:58am - intimacy - by disapointed girl - United States (New York)

Today, I called up Verizon Wireless to "complain" about my phone service. I really had nothing to complain about, I was just that lonely that I wanted someone to talk to. FML

#14065426
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14845) - you deserved it (25067)

On 12/02/2010 at 10:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

 Today, I decided to finally try out the veggie slicer I bought a few months ago to make healthy homemade potato chips. Along with the sliced potatoes, I am now missing about a quarter inch chunk of skin from the side of my hand and quite a bit of blood. At least the chips were good. FML

#19281452
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14846) - you deserved it (11069)

On 03/15/2012 at 3:53am - health - by missgayle319 - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my first fare as a qualified taxi-driver. The pride soon diminished as I was forced to listen to my passenger give a greatly detailed description of his recent colonoscopy. FML

#20000200
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14843) - you deserved it (1777)

On 08/03/2012 at 10:52am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, we went out to dinner to a family restaurant, and I was wearing a skirt since it's so warm out. My 4 year old scooted under the table to sit next to his brother. When he popped up on the other side, he exclaimed, "Mommy! You forgot to put on your underwears!" People were staring. FML

#2140359
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14837) - you deserved it (55293)

On 05/21/2009 at 8:45am - kids - by whoopsiedoodle (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally realized how stupid I am, when I answered a question correctly in class and my teacher started clapping and cheering. FML

#20096827
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14834) - you deserved it (2728)

On 10/01/2012 at 2:24pm - misc - by dumbgirl4lyf (woman) - Ireland (Monaghan)

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

#20185423
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14832) - you deserved it (3851)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:30pm - love - by Gus (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided to run outside. I noticed a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After a while, when I slowed down, I smiled at him, and he replied You look really hot." I thanked him, and he quickly replied, "No, I mean you're sweating a lot." FML

#1505270
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14823) - you deserved it (44555)

On 04/30/2009 at 8:52pm - love - by Eli123 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except when he did he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML

#20089963
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14823) - you deserved it (2334)

On 09/26/2012 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by wickedbeauty333 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FML

#18542598
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14822) - you deserved it (39125)

On 12/18/2011 at 4:59am - misc - by grounded - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

#2696
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14819) - you deserved it (65977)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States



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