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Today, I found out that even though your brother agrees to watch your dogs for a week, it does not mean that he will pick up after them. Apparently, it's okay to leave piss and shit all over the deck and floors because they're not his dogs and he shouldn't have to clean up their messes. FML

#20120904
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19359) - you deserved it (3527)

On 10/17/2012 at 11:53am - animals - by JennyPenny (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML

#5645915
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19354) - you deserved it (44683)

On 10/04/2009 at 5:40pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

#20537793
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19355) - you deserved it (37015)

On 03/10/2013 at 3:41am - intimacy - by lolk - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

#15333405
378 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19353) - you deserved it (88611)

On 03/16/2011 at 3:31am - intimacy - by eric - United States

Today, I had to ask my mum not to meditate while driving. FML

#19216296
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19353) - you deserved it (1744)

On 03/04/2012 at 7:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, as I entered a stairwell, the fire alarm went off, triggering the automatic fire doors to close. The one I was walking through ran over my foot, ripping my toenail, and then smacked me in the face. FML

#20113123
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19351) - you deserved it (1588)

On 10/12/2012 at 1:58am - misc - by minustoenail - United States (California)

Today, while visiting my widowed great aunt, she took out her wedding rings and talked about the love she and my uncle had. Smiling, I told her that one day I hope to have as happy a marriage as theirs. Her response? "Knowing you, I wouldn't count on it." My mother sat there agreeing. FML

#20189035
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19350) - you deserved it (2073)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:17am - misc - by Stupendous_ - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML

#19987947
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19348) - you deserved it (1997)

On 07/27/2012 at 7:55pm - misc - by WTF is all I ask (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

#740213
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19347) - you deserved it (73586)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by whatashame (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

#19969861
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19347) - you deserved it (1343)

On 07/21/2012 at 6:49pm - work - by fuckdubstep51 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to school prepared to speak in front of a whole bunch of kids and talk about how great my middle school is. I spent an hour on the speech and took the 45 minute drive there. Turns out the coordinator of the school only called me in to pass out brochures. FML

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

#19770940
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19340) - you deserved it (2852)

On 06/11/2012 at 2:16pm - work - by bronieswillrule5eva (man) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)

Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his, and in mine dropped a giant mutant tooth he had pulled a few months ago. FML

#8332517
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19338) - you deserved it (2264)

On 02/16/2010 at 6:51am - misc - by fmlpgh - United States (Pennsylvania)



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