Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML

#19979543
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14705) - you deserved it (5099)

On 07/23/2012 at 11:41am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, instead of staying home, I took an hour-long bus ride in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's place because on the phone she said, "I desperately need your body right now". It turned out she was just cold. She is also on her period. FML

#20037577
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14703) - you deserved it (28525)

On 08/23/2012 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Rotarius (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML

#20029971
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14698) - you deserved it (2845)

On 08/19/2012 at 2:09pm - misc - by spasticock (man) - Portugal (Setubal)

Today, after playing in an online casino, I won £200. Being pretty tight for cash at the moment I was pretty excited. I then tried to withdraw it to be told that I can't have a penny of it because I didn't register my card details first. FML

#3333689
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14694) - you deserved it (34776)

On 06/29/2009 at 10:30am - money - by Jeepers (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I got up at five, got dressed, and walked halfway to work in the snow. I then realized that it's Sunday. I also forgot my keys. FML

#1426
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14687) - you deserved it (4556)

On 01/17/2009 at 6:11am - work - by Bitch its me - Korea Republic of (Kyonggi-do)

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

#19475030
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14684) - you deserved it (25581)

On 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by lifeonfire12 (woman) - Canada

Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML

#6501261
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14683) - you deserved it (33762)

On 11/28/2009 at 8:53pm - misc - by figures - United States

Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML

#2107196
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14677) - you deserved it (45855)

On 05/20/2009 at 5:07am - animals - by catlover (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went for a run and took my shirt off part way through. The next person I saw was a nine year old girl playing outside her house. She looked at me and said, "Ewwwwww! Gross!" FML

#91993
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14677) - you deserved it (21527)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:37pm - misc - by Jim Smith (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

#8119072
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14671) - you deserved it (4005)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)

Today, some Juggalos mocked me for the way I was dressed. Juggalos giving sartorial advice, really? FML

#19491584
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14668) - you deserved it (3009)

On 04/18/2012 at 7:08pm - misc - by amazed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

#20016902
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14665) - you deserved it (6714)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm - misc - by kherien (woman) - United States

Today, my cat, who is very 'don't-ever-touch-me', jumped up next to me as if she wanted to be stroked. In reality, she wanted to share a hellish fart. I need a new cat. FML

#4464
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14663) - you deserved it (3717)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:55am - animals - by pretty princess - United States (Georgia)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: