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Today, I caught my dad eating the dog treats I'd bought for my dog. The only thing he could say was "These are really good, no wonder the dog is so obedient. Wanna try one?" FML

#13684464
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23431) - you deserved it (3253)

On 11/02/2010 at 3:13am - animals - by treats - Singapore

Today, I waited in line at Subway. There were two people in front of me. The first lady had seven sandwiches and the second lady had four. So after patiently waiting, I ordered my sandwich, only to have my credit card declined. FML

#13453945
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23431) - you deserved it (11266)

On 10/15/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by bcf1234 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

#19177249
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23430) - you deserved it (2611)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:37pm - misc - by Username (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

#8741180
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23431) - you deserved it (7562)

On 03/01/2010 at 2:30am - intimacy - by Lovejunkie (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me. FML

#19363269
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23426) - you deserved it (10377)

On 03/28/2012 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I'm at home, sick with walking pneumonia and a raging UTI. Every time I cough, I piss myself. I'm now having to lie on a bath towel and garbage bags until the meds kick in. FML

#20145285
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23424) - you deserved it (1497)

On 11/03/2012 at 1:34am - health - by jdch_99 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

#20120590
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23421) - you deserved it (3943) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/17/2012 at 1:18am - love - by Anonymous - France (Bretagne)

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

#19733599
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23420) - you deserved it (2465)

On 06/04/2012 at 4:37pm - kids - by obtuse_ballsack (man) - Croatia (Grad Zagreb)

Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I saw a girl I like a lot. I called out to her to say hi. As she was coming over, I accidentally stepped on the belt with one foot, crashed down on the treadmill, and continued to slide down in front of her, emerging with a gashed knee and arm. FML

#20445461
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23420) - you deserved it (4001)

On 01/06/2013 at 10:16pm - love - by Dkim620 (man) - United States

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

#18719100
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23420) - you deserved it (4939)

On 01/05/2012 at 7:37pm - misc - by neveragain89 (woman) - Australia

Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML

#20010874
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23419) - you deserved it (2112)

On 08/09/2012 at 2:44am - intimacy - by rxcrs3 - United States

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

#21228488
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23419) - you deserved it (45236)

On 08/03/2014 at 2:49pm - misc - by ew - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my kids how much they loved me. My seven year old responded, 'I'll love you forever mummy.' My sixteen year old responded, 'Can you wind down the window, I just farted.' FML

#6727065
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23418) - you deserved it (12373)

On 12/12/2009 at 8:29pm - kids - by ljjprchf (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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