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Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML

#1017007
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19739) - you deserved it (53502)

On 04/16/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by xnickx (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I took my cat to the vet's. When the vet took her temperature anally, I couldn't stop laughing. The vet had to ask me to leave the room. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19732) - you deserved it (3146)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, during a basketball game, I fell into metal chairs which then decided to fold in, causing me to fall to the floor in a very dramatic and painful fall. When I stood up, so did everyone else and they were all clapping, including the other team. FML

#7925072
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19731) - you deserved it (2949)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:25am - health - by aurorason - Sent from mobile version

Today, I realized just how bad my problem with making eye contact is, when I caught myself looking the other way when the singer in a music video looked directly at the camera. FML

#19522218
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19731) - you deserved it (4314)

On 04/24/2012 at 2:49pm - misc - by suhleedah18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

#7103723
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19728) - you deserved it (3178)

On 01/02/2010 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by xxxzzzooo (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently my nose hair scares him. FML

#19238495
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19728) - you deserved it (12076)

On 03/08/2012 at 9:30am - love - by hairy (woman) - Serbia

Today, a man was struggling up some slippery steps with a pram, when his sunglasses fell from his head. I hurried to pick them up for him, as he had no free hands, but instead accidentally stood on them, snapping them in half. FML

#15185285
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19726) - you deserved it (15121)

On 03/03/2011 at 10:23am - misc - by Emily -

Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML

#18314342
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19725) - you deserved it (5623)

On 11/22/2011 at 3:08am - health - by daybyday - Australia

Today, I had dinner with my family at a fancy restaurant. They kept commenting about how cold it was and asked the waitress to turn off the air conditioning. When I got home, I realized the embroidered daisies on my undershirt made it look like I have giant protruding nipples. FML

#5243719
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19723) - you deserved it (5106)

On 09/14/2009 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML

#8989012
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19723) - you deserved it (2264)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:30am - animals - by stuckathome (man) - United States

Today, I was forced to spend an extra $318 for another plane ticket to Dallas. The ticket wasn't for my daughter, my mom, or my sister, but for the quarter of my butt that apparently needs its own seat. FML

#12841369
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19721) - you deserved it (63778)

On 08/31/2010 at 5:40pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML

#19098122
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19717) - you deserved it (2068)

On 02/17/2012 at 1:22am - work - by Christinemh329 - United States



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