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Today, I learned that my mother counts my jeans as two pairs when she counts how many she's putting in for a load of wash. I've gotten that fat. FML

#20641701
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25054) - you deserved it (37240)

On 05/04/2013 at 8:41pm - misc - by Fatty Fatty Fatso (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

#21341011
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25054) - you deserved it (4759)

On 01/20/2015 at 3:24pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I Googled "How to act like an adult." I'm 37. FML

#20765003
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25053) - you deserved it (50740)

On 07/05/2013 at 11:16am - misc - by forever young (woman) - United States

Today, I'm heading towards my car clutching a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend, when along comes a sweet old lady who says: "it's not flowers she wants, it's some lovin'!". The elderly sure aren't what they used to be. FML

#449
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25053) - you deserved it (3367)

On 12/04/2008 at 6:16am - misc - by DarkPhoenix - Sent from mobile version

Today, a very attractive man asked me out. I'd have been flattered if I weren't the nurse assigned to his laboring wife. FML

#20086071
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25052) - you deserved it (1475)

On 09/24/2012 at 12:32am - misc - by Hello Nurse (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a car accident. In the same place, at the same time, and with the same friend in the passenger seat as last week. FML

#17869436
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25051) - you deserved it (11038)

On 09/30/2011 at 6:18am - misc - by Steve (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. So, I was a smart ass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

#398759
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25048) - you deserved it (97507)

On 03/16/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by cannabis_this420 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I changed my phone number because my old one belonged to a prostitute. My new one belongs to a debtor. FML

#13835312
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25045) - you deserved it (2568)

On 11/14/2010 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML

#18721209
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25045) - you deserved it (6062)

On 01/05/2012 at 10:45pm - animals - by britanyann (woman) - United States

Today, I flew back home from out of state. When I got back to my house, my bed, furniture, and TV were gone. My girlfriend changed her number and I have no idea where she lives now. FML

#20153491
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25045) - you deserved it (1933)

On 11/07/2012 at 1:28pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend kept pressuring me to get it on. I told him I was self-conscious abut my stomach and didn't want him to see it. His response? My double chin doesn't keep him from kissing me. FML

#5638225
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25043) - you deserved it (7639)

On 10/04/2009 at 7:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

#12337328
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25043) - you deserved it (39691)

On 08/05/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by JDLAX1924 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to talk about my depression and low self-esteem. He told me that I shouldn't think of myself as a fat pig for being overweight. I don't think that and I'm NOT overweight. FML

#3462
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25042) - you deserved it (3116)

On 01/29/2009 at 5:46pm - health - by Coley - Canada (British Columbia)



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