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Today, I came home to find that the entire ceiling in the kitchen of my apartment had caved in due to an extremely leaky water pipe. The same water pipe maintenance said they had fixed three days ago. FML

Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML

#20020549
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18700) - you deserved it (1531)

On 08/14/2012 at 12:14pm - health - by Todd - United States

Today, I finally got to hook up with this hot guy I'd been talking to for a few weeks. To my surprise, he was sinfully drunk when he arrives. As we were going at it, he shits on my white carpet. Now the phrase "f***ing the shit out of someone" has a brand new meaning for me. FML

#8471213
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18693) - you deserved it (4973)

On 02/20/2010 at 5:47am - intimacy - by jo - United States

Today, I found out that I have a warrant for my arrest, because I was fishing without a fishing license. FML

#17249343
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18691) - you deserved it (29182)

On 07/25/2011 at 1:43am - misc - by handyman13 - United States

Today, I received a drunken prank call from a girl I didn't know around 1am. I don't know what's sadder, that I carried out the conversation for 30 minutes, or that this was the first girl to call me in over a year. FML

#20087914
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18690) - you deserved it (2410)

On 09/25/2012 at 9:38am - misc - by badluckryan - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML

#20182095
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18690) - you deserved it (4284)

On 11/28/2012 at 12:15am - misc - by FUSheldon (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a concert. It was dark and everyone was singing and waving their lit-up phones in the air. I was having a great time, until someone snatched my £200 phone out of my hand. FML

#20016571
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18679) - you deserved it (10213)

On 08/12/2012 at 7:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I saw a picture of a dude on a Harley on my friend's wall. I asked her if it was Dog the bounty hunter. It wasn't, it was her aunt. FML

Today, I took my girlfriend out bowling. The place was not only packed, but on my very first attempt, I stumbled and landed flat on my "sugarbuns" about 6 feet down the lane. Everyone pointed and laughed hysterically, including my girlfriend, who was on the floor almost in tears, enjoying my pain. FML

#8479975
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18677) - you deserved it (8562)

On 02/20/2010 at 1:58pm - misc - by moobysrocks - United States

Today, it was the last day of school, and I said goodbye to one of my students. She then told me how to correctly pronounce her name. I'd said it wrong all year. FML

#19741158
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18676) - you deserved it (11033)

On 06/05/2012 at 10:21pm - work - by Mark - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Despite all my attempts to explain that he's wrong, he is totally convinced that my genitals have diabetes. This guy is going to be such a great father to our kids. FML

#19942107
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18676) - you deserved it (5548)

On 07/15/2012 at 5:52pm - health - by Tori (woman) - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. While I was asleep, he drew a face on my stomach and when I woke up he was talking to it. He said it would be less weird if he was talking to my stomach with a face on it, representing the baby. According to him, our child is going to have a mustache. FML

#11198427
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18671) - you deserved it (24925)

On 06/14/2010 at 7:13pm - kids - by gibsonSG323 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

#19710621
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18669) - you deserved it (38800)

On 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)



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  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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