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Today, my professor called me out in the middle of a lecture to ask why I was bleeding. I then had to explain to him, in front of around one hundred of my fellow classmates, that my largest zit had burst. FML

by Jayne / 03/29/2012 at 12:45am / United States / Health

Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2009 at 1:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a psychiatric hospital working as a student nurse, I discovered one of the patients had developed an unhealthy obsession for me. He was admitted for stalking and abusing a girl who looked just like me. It's only my first week. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2012 at 6:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, I went to the drugstore to get supplies for my broken toe. Because of the swelling, I could only wear open-toed sandals on this cold day. At the store, a tall, heavy man in winter boots tried to get by me, and ended up stepping on the toes of my good foot. FML

by ouchie / 01/02/2010 at 12:26am / Canada (Quebec) / Health

Today, I was told to shovel four inches of snow from my driveway. I had to get the snow shovel from the rafters of my garage, and there were other tools with it. As I was yanking the shovel down, a pickax fell and smashed through the back window of my dad's Buick. FML

by Charlie8u347 / 12/29/2009 at 3:26pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2012 at 5:07pm / United States / Kids

Today, someone broke into my house. They stole my TV, DVD player and a few DVDs. However they only took about 2 out of 100 DVDs. Apparently that's how bad my taste is in movies. FML

by jarrettsorko / 08/23/2011 at 12:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm on holiday in Vietnam, and was wearing a new shirt. In a restaurant, the waitress pointed at my shirt and said something I couldn't understand, so I just smiled and nodded my head. She then gave me a weird look and walked away. Turns out there was a huge spider on it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 4:40am / Vietnam / Animals

Today, my dad found out that there is a free, 24 hour, 7 days a week religious channel. Now that's all he watches. FML

by awwman / 04/09/2012 at 10:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a cute girl's number for the first time. Too bad it was because she rear ended my car. FML

by Anonomous / 01/26/2015 at 10:48am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my boyfriend's other girlfriend. She then informed me that he has a wife, and that they have an open relationship. Thanks for keeping me in the loop, honey. FML

by areyoukiddingme / 10/01/2015 at 1:56am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my boyfriend finally proposed. His reason? A Las Vegas wedding came up on Groupon. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2012 at 1:04am / United States / Love

Today, I was walking in the shoes I'm going to wear for a wedding and fell, spraining my ankle. I'm the Matron of Honor and I can barely walk. The wedding is in three days. FML