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Today, I discovered that my three-year-old daughter has mastered the art of pickpocketing. While I was driving to work this morning, my car broke down. I reached in my pocket to call AAA on my cell, only to find her squirt gun in its place. FML

#19612373
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20553) - you deserved it (2459)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after two years of vigorously fundraising on behalf of my senior class, they voted on spending the senior trip money at a waterpark. It's less than thirty minutes from where we all live. FML

#19462590
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20553) - you deserved it (2418)

On 04/13/2012 at 6:40pm - misc - by clitty clitty bang bang (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

#21056453
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20553) - you deserved it (38607)

On 02/10/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was trolling on a My Little Pony forum. I was midway through typing a big post, calling them all a bunch of attention-seeking losers who act like morons because their parents never loved them, when I broke down in tears, realizing I'd just perfectly described myself. FML

#21133397
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20554) - you deserved it (55741)

On 05/07/2014 at 5:25pm - misc - by I suck :( (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boyfriend and I spent 30 minutes listening to my grandmother telling us that my cat is a medium. My boyfriend is totally convinced. FML

#14583588
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20550) - you deserved it (2945)

On 01/14/2011 at 11:24pm - animals - by inchetogb - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

#19603388
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20548) - you deserved it (2021)

On 05/10/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by Jesse (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

#18905780
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20545) - you deserved it (16379)

On 01/25/2012 at 7:33am - love - by Paicked (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I confessed to my co-worker that I've secretly loved him for months. He laughed hysterically for about a minute straight before shaking his head and excusing himself from the store. Even the fact that my boss fired him for leaving early isn't cheering me up. FML

#19965538
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20543) - you deserved it (3311)

On 07/20/2012 at 9:59pm - love - by Alanis (woman) - United States

Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML

#20197580
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20542) - you deserved it (9803)

On 12/09/2012 at 11:29am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my girlfriend and her best friend compare the dumps they take to common transportation. They comment about it on each others facebook page. My girlfriend's last one was apparently a 'coach bus'. FML

#7600232
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20540) - you deserved it (3265)

On 01/26/2010 at 10:14pm - health - by poops - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I had to go to the bathroom. He said "Okay baby, go drop your load." He also used the same voice as when he talks to his cat. FML

#13257198
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20537) - you deserved it (3938)

On 09/29/2010 at 11:17pm - animals - by peepee. (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I flew to Florida with my grandma. She tried to go through airport security with a pocket knife in her backpack. FML

#19369663
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20536) - you deserved it (1743)

On 03/29/2012 at 12:19pm - misc - by yelyah - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother started a new tradition: sending me pictures of every poop he takes. FML

#20061527
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20535) - you deserved it (1994)

On 09/07/2012 at 3:12am - misc - by poopexperttt - United States



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