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Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

#17597789
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26571) - you deserved it (5341)

On 08/27/2011 at 7:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

#21452247
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26571) - you deserved it (2329)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

#14969224
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26570) - you deserved it (3805)

On 02/14/2011 at 2:14am - misc - by datingamoron (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a truck rear-ended my car and drove off. I could see everything from my office, everything except his license plate. FML

#18923725
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26570) - you deserved it (1783)

On 01/27/2012 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML

#6118877
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26570) - you deserved it (5202)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by feelthelove - United States

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

#14656161
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26568) - you deserved it (3466)

On 01/20/2011 at 10:55pm - health - by Username -

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently, the mafia is out to get him. FML

#19071061
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26564) - you deserved it (3086)

On 02/14/2012 at 1:32am - love - by Just_Me_88 (woman) - United States

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

#19410282
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26563) - you deserved it (2579)

On 04/05/2012 at 1:11am - intimacy - by Lionman (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my sister, but they already knew each other from my sister's work. She's an exotic dancer. FML

#19966736
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26560) - you deserved it (2529)

On 07/21/2012 at 2:18am - misc - by Closingwild - Mexico (Jalisco)

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

#20044244
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26560) - you deserved it (3298)

On 08/27/2012 at 8:57am - love - by kvdfan (woman) - United States

Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML

#21387075
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26560) - you deserved it (3639)

On 04/03/2015 at 3:05pm - misc - by HtotheFtotheS - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I had to give a speech in front of my class and during my speech I had to say the words "But six"; however, because of my accent it sounded like "Butt sex". For the remainder of the day I was frequently asked about "Butt sex". FML

#1040
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26556) - you deserved it (2991)

On 01/13/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by Explicit - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at work, I dropped two bottles of wine on the floor. Unbelievably, they both didn't break. That, however, did not stop my boss from taking a few points away on my evaluation. My $3 raise is now reduced to $0.25. FML



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