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Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

#17071540
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16974) - you deserved it (14850)

On 07/11/2011 at 9:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML

#6951563
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16973) - you deserved it (4232)

On 12/26/2009 at 2:22am - intimacy - by boyfriendisatoss (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

#20005444
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16972) - you deserved it (2048)

On 08/06/2012 at 7:20am - misc - by Spockx - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to have Valentine's Day sex. He then remembered it was unlimited pancakes at IHOP. FML

#8246402
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16971) - you deserved it (3022)

On 02/14/2010 at 11:31am - intimacy - by DallasGal (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

#15165919
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16965) - you deserved it (81665)

On 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by Anon. (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML

#20182765
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16966) - you deserved it (2001)

On 11/28/2012 at 4:16pm - misc - by stillshakinggd (man) - United States

Today, while watching TV with my boyfriend, I was telling him that I wasn't looking forward to "getting older" and turning thirty in three days. Five minutes later, he said, "I never knew you had so much grey hair already" and then offered to help me dye them. FML

#19827444
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16964) - you deserved it (3578)

On 06/22/2012 at 2:02am - misc - by Username (woman) - United States

Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double Satisfaction". The waiter asked me what would I like to order. The words that came out of my mouth were "Double Orgasm". FML

#14796617
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16964) - you deserved it (36557)

On 02/01/2011 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by theshameofit (woman) - Cyprus (Limassol)

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

#7923613
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16953) - you deserved it (4948)

On 02/06/2010 at 12:31am - intimacy - by Isabell (woman) - Australia

Today, my hours got cut because I couldn't make it into work when they called me in. Why couldn't I make it in? I was in an interview for a better job. I didn't get the job. FML

#12665553
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16953) - you deserved it (14520)

On 08/21/2010 at 3:20pm - misc - by thyella87 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was playing Apples to Apples with my girlfriend and a few others. The card that was drawn was labeled "pathetic". Among other cards that were laid down in attempts to be similar to "pathetic" was my girlfriend's card. She won with a create-a-card labeled "my sex life". FML

#20157215
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16951) - you deserved it (3977)

On 11/10/2012 at 6:02am - love - by anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

#1813
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16946) - you deserved it (1065)

On 01/20/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML

#17489
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16946) - you deserved it (4223)

On 02/09/2009 at 1:24pm - misc - by Bliss (man) - United States (Florida)



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