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Today, I came down with sudden diarrhea while at taekwondo practice. I discreetly called my dad for a pickup, but on our way out, he told my instructor that I had to go because I was "shitting my pants with fear". He did this in front of all my classmates. FML

by GoDiarrhea / 03/04/2010 at 1:52pm / Argentina (Distrito Federal) / Health

Today, after taking my jacket off at work, I found a large faint stain all across one side of my shirt. Turns out that my fiancé had used it to "clean up the bed." I am the manager of a supermarket with 40 employees. It was pretty obvious what it was. FML

by grimatwork / 11/01/2010 at 1:24pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Intimacy

Today, the rain was pouring really hard outside. I found this out when it started raining on me at 4 am inside my dorm room. Thanks college. FML

by ohcollege / 10/01/2010 at 6:04am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML

by girlllll / 06/01/2010 at 8:31am / Denmark (Kobenhavn) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three year old son who prefers diapers. He managed this by peeing with him and "sword-fighting" with their urine streams. I now have to clean pee off the ground every time he urinates. FML

by diapersplease / 06/06/2015 at 9:17pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend asked me out was because the fortune ball app on his iPod told him to. FML

by amireallyloved / 02/17/2010 at 1:38am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2010 at 4:56pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I found a pair of glasses in my car. I don't wear glasses, and nobody besides myself has been in my car lately. It appears that someone has been sleeping in my car and forgot their glasses. FML

by chrono64 / 12/19/2009 at 9:40pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Transportation

Today, it was a warm day out so I left my car windows slightly open while I was at work. One of the local bums apparently thought this was a perfect opportunity to use my open driver's side window as a barf receptacle. FML

by Username / 08/02/2011 at 3:55am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I spend more money on gas to go to my job than what I get paid. FML

by izziegrl / 09/24/2012 at 2:21pm / Mexico (Mexico) / Money

Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML

by Andrew / 10/11/2011 at 9:11pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was reading erotic literature and noticed several errors in syntax, resulting in my mood being killed. I was cockblocked by my need for grammatical correctness. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2012 at 12:53am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting on a train, doing homework for my programming class, when a man sat in the seat next to me. He must have been a programmer too, because he spent the next few hours staring at my screen and laughing whenever I made a mistake. FML

by Trinity / 11/19/2012 at 5:37pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous