Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

#21106752
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19616) - you deserved it (43708)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friend showed me a creepy piece of artwork he'd drawn. I laughed and said that it would give me nightmares, meaning it as a compliment. Turns out, this one was in honor of his dead grandmother, who'd raised him. FML

#18912127
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19615) - you deserved it (9179)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a date with this girl. I attempted to put my arm around her, but I elbowed her in the face instead. FML

#3587
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19614) - you deserved it (6373)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:39am - misc - by Anon - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML

#20156190
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19614) - you deserved it (7074)

On 11/09/2012 at 11:23am - work - by EnglishLearner (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

#6480993
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19612) - you deserved it (2978)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I had just reached in my purse without looking to grab a granola bar when my boss walked in my office. We talked for a few minutes as he kept giving me strange looks and looking at my hand. He left and I realized I hadn't taken a granola bar out, but a tampon instead. FML

#464994
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19610) - you deserved it (42916)

On 03/19/2009 at 12:41pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I received the first compliment from the opposite sex that I've gotten in months, from an elderly, cross-dressing man in the parking lot of Goodwill. Apparently my clothes look like they'd be "exciting to try on." FML

#19129849
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19610) - you deserved it (2466)

On 02/21/2012 at 7:44am - misc - by mishie1 (woman) - United States

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

#20063309
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19609) - you deserved it (12208)

On 09/08/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by dating a fucking idiot (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that every time he has sex with me he thinks about some mutant bunny chick from "Final Fantasy." FML

#6268793
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19608) - you deserved it (3488)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I realized I'd rather be constipated, sick, sit in long traffic lines and inadvertantly eat spoiled meat than spend another day at my shitty job. All things that happened to me today. FML

#8840296
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19603) - you deserved it (2348)

On 03/05/2010 at 3:01am - work - by Petergibbons - United States (California)

Today, I realized just how bad my 28-year-old husband's gamer rage is when I came home to a smashed TV. This is the second TV in three months that he's destroyed. FML

#20080513
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19601) - you deserved it (3700)

On 09/20/2012 at 8:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend offered to give me a piggyback ride from the house to the car as means of avoiding walking in mud. Both aware of how tall he is, he crouched extra low and I jumped extra hard. This makes for a terrible example of leapfrog, and a faceplant in the mud. FML

#9087167
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19597) - you deserved it (7924)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

#20070406
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19596) - you deserved it (3071)

On 09/13/2012 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: