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Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML

#8130658
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23369) - you deserved it (4891)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:35pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was in the 'intimacy' section of Walmart. After grabbing 2 boxes of condoms and a vibrating ring I turn around to see my ex boyfriend's mom. I smile awkwardly and put my head down as I walk away, causing me to colide with his dad and send my 'goodies' all over the floor. FML

#5313361
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23368) - you deserved it (6136)

On 09/17/2009 at 2:45pm - intimacy - by RahiYeah09 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML

#20088451
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23367) - you deserved it (2597)

On 09/25/2012 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my dad suggested that as an alternative to buying me new school clothes that actually fit, I should just join the swim team, lose some weight, and wear my stuff from last year. FML

#17398153
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23366) - you deserved it (13181)

On 08/07/2011 at 3:41pm - misc - by swmmr (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML

#8430950
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23365) - you deserved it (19193)

On 02/19/2010 at 12:31am - kids - by ohemgee23 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML

#6342558
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23364) - you deserved it (9073)

On 11/17/2009 at 3:55pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was so out of it from a lack of sleep and an accidental antihistamine overdose, I tried to offer my cat a cup of tea, and actually got pissed off when he didn't reply. It took me a good five minutes to understand what just happened. FML

#19817936
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23363) - you deserved it (6019)

On 06/20/2012 at 10:09am - animals - by anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my mom admitted that she always makes me put away the dishes because my obsessive compulsive tendencies force me to arrange the glasses and silverware by size, just the way she likes them. FML

#17747814
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23363) - you deserved it (4532)

On 09/14/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by Awesome. (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I watched my car roll backwards on the freeway, while attached to the tow truck that I was sitting in. FML

#6144396
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23361) - you deserved it (2012)

On 11/03/2009 at 11:06pm - misc - by ljd09 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

#20974338
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23361) - you deserved it (37106)

On 11/29/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while I was working at the golf course, two kids stole a golf cart and pulled a snowboard behind it. When I tried to stop them, they ran me over. FML

#17777844
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23357) - you deserved it (3665)

On 09/19/2011 at 1:09am - work - by Branman2480 - United States (New York)

Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML

#17820247
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23357) - you deserved it (4210)

On 09/24/2011 at 11:22am - work - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to break up. But not until after our anniversary tomorrow, because he's already gotten dinner reservations for us. FML

#20127937
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23357) - you deserved it (1592)

On 10/22/2012 at 5:01am - love - by reserved - United States (California)



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