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Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML

by its still broken / 06/10/2015 at 8:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML

by hfs palm / 06/21/2015 at 5:37pm / United States / Kids

Today, my cat was yowling and meowing pathetically outside my door, I checked she had food, water, and she followed me back up to my room. She nestled down on the radiator behind my desk, then threw up all over it. The cat sick is stuck inside the radiator, and it smells just lovely. FML

by Stinkybedroom / 12/30/2009 at 8:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

by Pain_intolerant / 03/11/2011 at 9:11am / Canada / Health

Today, my Dad and I went to McDonald's, only to have him shove two handfuls of sugar packets into the bag. He said, "If it's for free, why only take one?" To make it worse, my crush was at the till, watching what was happening. FML

by AshamedDaughter / 08/17/2011 at 3:14am / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, I found out that when people in my apartment complex warn their kids about strangers, they use me as the example. FML

by iamnotalawyer / 03/26/2012 at 12:55am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, on my first ski run down a mountain, I dislocated my patella. Now I get to watch out of the window as my family builds a snowman and names it after me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2014 at 8:07pm / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

by smiler / 03/17/2010 at 12:59pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 7:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while watching a man in front of me on the bus remove his cap to scratch his noggin, I noticed the swarm of dandruff that was about to nail me in my face. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2011 at 11:23am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

by Sad.To.Be.Me. / 01/13/2012 at 6:56pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my spouse asked me if I could transfer some of the passion I have for buffalo wings into our relationship. FML

Today, I received a rejection letter from a job I desperately wanted. Yesterday, the job offer I'd been stalling on in while waiting for news about this one expired. FML

by badtiming / 03/03/2015 at 12:18pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Work