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Today, I walked past a church with a bunch of people standing outside waiting for the bride and groom to walk out. When the church doors opened, I yelled congratulations as loud as I could. It was a funeral. FML

#811533
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19839) - you deserved it (73512)

On 04/05/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by oops (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

#6676757
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19839) - you deserved it (4053)

On 12/09/2009 at 4:20am - intimacy - by dfkjhregoiuberiug (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

#19693767
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19837) - you deserved it (4916)

On 05/28/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Danny (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

#19812468
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19837) - you deserved it (4401)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:08pm - kids - by Joseph N - United States

Today, my entire region received record rainfall, with torrential downpours all day and night. Today was also the day I discovered my car's sunroof leaks, when I was greeted with two inches of standing water in my floorboards. FML

#13151203
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19835) - you deserved it (2180)

On 09/22/2010 at 12:14am - misc - by waterlogged - United States

Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML

#20090663
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19835) - you deserved it (6355) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/27/2012 at 12:10am - health - by Display - Sent from mobile version

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

#18983389
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19831) - you deserved it (21881)

On 02/03/2012 at 10:49am - kids - by AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML

#8800523
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19830) - you deserved it (3554)

On 03/03/2010 at 3:16pm - misc - by pothole - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML

#19782918
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19830) - you deserved it (2125)

On 06/13/2012 at 4:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands

Today, my father-in-law called me an idiot for buying him coffee cake because he can't have caffeine. He refuses to believe that there's as much coffee in coffee cake as there is ham in a hamburger. FML

#19742192
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19828) - you deserved it (2452)

On 06/06/2012 at 1:23am - health - by 635CSi (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while playing The Sims 2, I realized I had a virtual person's whole life planned out, and have nothing planned out for myself. FML

#2282395
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19828) - you deserved it (44933)

On 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by drurbanXVII (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML

#19761942
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19824) - you deserved it (1841)

On 06/09/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Lily (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML

#20197580
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19824) - you deserved it (9663)

On 12/09/2012 at 11:29am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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