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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

#20201125
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21334) - you deserved it (1816)

On 12/11/2012 at 9:53pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

#7993
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21332) - you deserved it (40633)

On 02/04/2009 at 12:40pm - intimacy - by Big B (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I received the "employee of the month" title from the job I was fired from last week. FML

#20059608
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21329) - you deserved it (1466)

On 09/05/2012 at 10:02pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped 2 of the cushions. FML

#13050784
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21324) - you deserved it (8655)

On 09/14/2010 at 5:46pm - misc - by miss Suzanne - United States (New York)

Today, after being dumped just 48 hours prior, I awoke from a night of passionate lovemaking with my ex. Last night, he came to my house, romanced me, and presented a possible future. This morning, when I got up to use the restroom, my laptop, money, and ex-boyfriend were gone. FML

#8480330
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21323) - you deserved it (8785)

On 02/20/2010 at 2:12pm - intimacy - by Ennui (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, because I have a beach party tomorrow, I used a new gel that is supposed to prevent razor burn after shaving the bikini line. Turns out I'm highly allergic to the gel. Now I have hundreds of beautiful red bumps that look like razor burn. FML

#12989676
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21323) - you deserved it (3840)

On 09/10/2010 at 12:13pm - health - by moncheri1314 - Sent from mobile version

Today, after having loaned my girlfriend money after she claimed to be broke and unable to pay her rent and electricity bills, she went out, spent it all on a new purse and phone, and now refuses to pay me back. FML

#20123887
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21324) - you deserved it (5855)

On 10/19/2012 at 1:05pm - money - by asparagus piss (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting 'goo', which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

#14630970
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21322) - you deserved it (3283)

On 01/18/2011 at 8:51pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was drunk at my nan's birthday party. My boyfriend texted me asking if I could go out, to which I replied "No, I'm at my nan's house." He then dumped me, calling me a 'cheating whore.' I was confused, until I realised I'd misspelt nan and said "No, I'm at my man's house." FML

#169078
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21320) - you deserved it (42668)

On 03/01/2009 at 9:20am - love - by Mandy (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my landlord sent tree cutters to take down a tree in our front yard. I didn't realize their job included walking around the house and gratuitously staring at me through the window as I dressed. My boyfriend won't complain because he's afraid our rent will go up in retaliation. FML

#14554836
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21320) - you deserved it (7150)

On 01/12/2011 at 2:42pm - misc - by iheartnjdevils - United States (Texas)

Today, I let my imbecile of a brother borrow my car. The keys to his car are now jammed into the ignition of mine. FML

#19821564
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21319) - you deserved it (4276)

On 06/20/2012 at 11:44pm - misc - by thesmartone - United States

Today, in my AP Biology class, a student informed us she'd read that Antarctica had completely melted due to global warming, to which my friend gushed, "Yeah! It's been melted for, like, months." FML

#20193921
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21319) - you deserved it (1847)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:47pm - misc - by bieberslayer (woman) - United States

Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML

#10675411
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21318) - you deserved it (11017)

On 05/21/2010 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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