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Today, after being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, I poured my heart out to my dad. He nodded and looked sympathetic throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what I should do. He replied, "How the hell should I know?" and awkwardly left my room. FML

#17776041
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21930) - you deserved it (5061)

On 09/18/2011 at 10:07pm - love - by Lisa - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to a family funeral. Talking to my grandfather, trying the make chitchat, he says "You're gaining weight, aren't you?" FML

#8683563
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21928) - you deserved it (3823)

On 02/27/2010 at 5:15am - misc - by livvlynette (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I realized that every day without fail, the muffins I've been making and giving to my husband for work have been hitting speeding cars' windshields. FML

#14344893
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21928) - you deserved it (3772)

On 12/26/2010 at 10:47am - misc - by muffdriver (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I accidentally kicked a can and it hit a man's shoe. He tried to kick it at me but his foot somehow failed to connect with the can. I could hear it rattling behind me as he failed again and again. So he decided to run up behind me and throw it at my head. FML

#19586621
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21928) - you deserved it (5262)

On 05/07/2012 at 10:08am - misc - by thepigeonsfriend (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, the man I went on a date with a few weeks ago finally called me back. I was his "one phone call" from prison. FML

#19980162
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21923) - you deserved it (1950)

On 07/23/2012 at 7:06pm - love - by Rose (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

#6462833
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21923) - you deserved it (5492)

On 11/26/2009 at 1:49pm - misc - by jaeilssanguh - United States (Illinois)

Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML

#19024888
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21921) - you deserved it (1692)

On 02/08/2012 at 6:27am - misc - by 3.14 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to be a gentleman and let an old lady have my seat on the bus. Before I could even get up, she sat on my lap and wouldn't get off. I got an involuntary lap dance from a grandma. FML

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML

#20173791
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21921) - you deserved it (1476)

On 11/22/2012 at 12:35pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my parents staged an intervention because I ate a year's supply of noodles in 2 weeks. FML

Today, I woke up after taking a sleep pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores including paying bills when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML

#6434122
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21919) - you deserved it (10303)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

#19260934
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21919) - you deserved it (3295)

On 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm - animals - by weep weep weep (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

#6480509
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21917) - you deserved it (5200)

On 11/27/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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