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Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, I ran across the street due to a line of cars waiting for me to cross. Just as I reached the other side, my iPhone slipped out of my hand and fell into the road, just in time to get run over by multiple cars, one after the other. FML

#20181219
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20421) - you deserved it (6584)

On 11/27/2012 at 1:45pm - misc - by unknown - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML

#8800523
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20419) - you deserved it (3618)

On 03/03/2010 at 3:16pm - misc - by pothole - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the pharmacy and asked the very attractive pharmacist what to do about the terrible itching under my cast. She told me to be a man and deal with it. FML

#8797696
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20412) - you deserved it (7097)

On 03/03/2010 at 11:46am - health - by brokenarm (man) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the cooker and the heater in the flat I've just moved into, my boiler dies. It's mid December, about 1 degree outside. FML

#526
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20411) - you deserved it (1641)

On 12/16/2008 at 2:55am - misc - by Melie-Melo - United Kingdom (East Sussex)

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

#8285725
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20408) - you deserved it (2849)

On 02/15/2010 at 2:08am - misc - by MisterBrown (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML

#20002131
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20407) - you deserved it (6277)

On 08/04/2012 at 12:06pm - misc - by ooops (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went on a run. Going a decent pace, I passed a woman walking her dog. I joked, "C'mon! Keep up!" Thirty feet later I stepped in mud, rolled my ankle and fell. The woman walked by as I lay in agony, and told me to keep up. FML

#20634623
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20407) - you deserved it (69152)

On 05/01/2013 at 10:27am - misc - by luvs2spooge89 - United States (New York)

Today, after working all week on a group project, I realized I forgot to submit the assignment and missed the deadline. I now have to tell my group that we automatically failed. FML

Today, I found out that my entire family thinks I have no friends, am expressionless (to quote, "a robot") and that my monotonous voice hints at the suppressed depression hidden deep inside me. According to them, I need psychic evaluation. It all came out at a family reunion. FML

#8993949
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20406) - you deserved it (2961)

On 03/11/2010 at 9:28am - misc - by talhabilal - Pakistan (Punjab)

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

#20188881
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20407) - you deserved it (7851)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:06am - health - by WTFFAIL (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML

#19409952
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20403) - you deserved it (2911)

On 04/05/2012 at 12:13am - work - by Kait - United States

Today, as a medical student working in a hospital, I asked a patient if he had any questions for me or his physician. His only question: whether or not my breasts are real. FML



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