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Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML

#717975
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26827) - you deserved it (87044)

On 03/31/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Alex (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML

#18957041
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26827) - you deserved it (5148)

On 01/30/2012 at 10:54pm - misc - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I was trying to take my shirt off. It was an awkward fit, so I had to basically wrestle it for five minutes. The kicker was that I was giving my boyfriend a striptease. He laughed so hard and for so long that we never had sex. FML

#19739017
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26828) - you deserved it (7622)

On 06/05/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Damn (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad lost his mind over the meteorite incident in Russia. He's convinced that it's part of some big government conspiracy to cover up a UFO crash-landing, and now he won't stop dismissively calling us "sheep" and telling us "do the research" just because we don't agree with him. FML

#20508499
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26827) - you deserved it (3052)

On 02/15/2013 at 6:00pm - misc - by dadsadipshit - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

#20501864
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26825) - you deserved it (10212)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States

Today, I've come to the conclusion that my phone addiction is getting out of control after I typed my PIN code into the microwave. FML

#20754108
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26825) - you deserved it (38389)

On 06/29/2013 at 10:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML

#17962903
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26825) - you deserved it (12868)

On 10/11/2011 at 9:11pm - love - by Andrew - United States (Florida)

Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML

#3335401
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26822) - you deserved it (45193)

On 06/29/2009 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

#6422914
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26822) - you deserved it (4864)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:12pm - work - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

#14397838
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26822) - you deserved it (5605)

On 12/30/2010 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I watched my car roll backwards on the freeway, while attached to the tow truck that I was sitting in. FML

#6144396
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26821) - you deserved it (2319)

On 11/03/2009 at 11:06pm - misc - by ljd09 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a very intoxicated man came in to my workplace and bought 50 dollars worth of yogurt, talked about the fact that he shouldn't have to wear pants in public, then threw up all over the register. FML

Today, I rang British Gas to cancel my boiler cover, as I'm totally and utterly skint. I told her the reason was I was getting divorced, moving house, losing my job and had no income at all. She was very sympathetic, and said "how would you like to pay your £37 cancellation fee?" FML

#6343049
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26821) - you deserved it (3807)

On 11/17/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by shellbom (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)



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