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Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML

by cauteriseme / 01/01/2011 at 10:37am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Health

Today, I got home late after a long day at work and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. As soon as the water in the shower was hot, I got in. One minute, I was standing and the next I was fast asleep at the bottom of the tub. I woke up with my face swollen and my shoulder bruised. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2010 at 3:16pm / United States / Health

Today, I played a volleyball game at my school. Not only did I miss the winning point, the ball hit my face in the process, which resulted in popping a big fat zit on my nose. FML

by iharethissomuxh / 11/11/2010 at 12:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

by Lonely School Kid / 07/30/2015 at 6:35pm / Canada / Kids

Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smiled and waved, and then continued. So much for my new eyesight. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2012 at 4:30pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went to the mall with some friends. We all kept smelling this god awful B.O. smell and had no idea where it was coming from. On the car ride home, we all figured out it was actually me. FML

by cooploops / 01/31/2015 at 10:13am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, during a lunch I said "It must be awful to realize that you've been cheated on!". One of the men present had just found out that he had been. I then try to correct my tactlessness by saying "The worst must be when your wife leaves you for another woman". Which was also the case. FML

by lovely-sweet / 11/27/2008 at 7:34am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking through my kitchen when I discovered a weak spot in the floor. Tomorrow, I'm going to have to fix the giant hole caused when I put my foot through it. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2011 at 5:42pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to the sound of my car being stolen. FML

by Unhappymothersday / 05/17/2012 at 4:41pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML

by lillymean / 02/02/2012 at 8:02pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Love

Today, a customer limped over to me in one of the dishwasher aisles and asked if we sold dishwashers. I said yes and pointed at all the dishwashers. He looked around for a couple of seconds, belched, then said "Oh... right!" and walked off. No commission for me, then. FML

by ChimerV / 11/15/2014 at 1:20pm / France (Lorraine) / Work

Today, my girlfriend asked me to take my belt off as the buckle was hurting her leg. I didn't have a belt on. FML

by zetuga / 04/01/2015 at 3:40am / United Kingdom (Luton) / Intimacy

Today, for the second time, I had an argument with my mother about whether William Shakespeare was a real person or not. FML

by ohno / 03/17/2015 at 4:35pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous