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Today, I bought cupcakes from a bakery by my work. I took them home, at which point my mother screamed at me because she's on a diet. Hours later I found the whole box empty. Great self-control, mom. FML

#18649240
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26777) - you deserved it (4498)

On 12/29/2011 at 11:56pm - misc - by hdkgdkvdjd - United States (California)

Today, I fell asleep on the bus. When I woke up, my head was resting on the broad, tanned shoulder of the smoking hot guy sitting next to me. I had drooled a little. FML

#19780908
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26776) - you deserved it (4808)

On 06/13/2012 at 5:08am - misc - by pandora (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML

#19740850
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26776) - you deserved it (4095)

On 06/05/2012 at 9:19pm - love - by whyme27 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, a student came in late to class, and there were only a couple of seats available. I waved her over offering her the seat beside me with the quip, "It's OK, you can sit by me. I don't smell or anything." I realized after she sat down that she actually did. FML

#18569258
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26774) - you deserved it (4984)

On 12/21/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by Derpina - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was cuddling with the guy I'm dating and said, "You smell good." His response, "You don't." FML

#17962903
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26773) - you deserved it (12847)

On 10/11/2011 at 9:11pm - love - by Andrew - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

#18167431
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26772) - you deserved it (3641)

On 11/05/2011 at 7:35pm - health - by Shelbs - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my last day at school before I graduate next week. Ten minutes into lunch break, I was brutally nailed in the neck by a football. Now, not only do I look like I was given a hickey by the Jolly Green Giant himself, I have to wear a neck brace at my graduation ceremony. FML

#19715623
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26772) - you deserved it (1910)

On 06/01/2012 at 2:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

#21425055
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26770) - you deserved it (4681)

On 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my mate came over wanting me to listen to a new music cd he got. It was by some unknown band, and at the end he asked me what I thought, and I said it was ok, but the lead singer couldn't sing even if his life depended on it. Turns out my mate's the lead singer, and it was his own band. FML

#899489
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26769) - you deserved it (41683)

On 04/10/2009 at 10:41am - misc - by Jay (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was missing $20 from my wallet, so I decided to ask my sister if she had taken it. Her response? "That reminds me, I need to borrow another 50." She has a job. That was my Christmas money. FML

#8297602
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26769) - you deserved it (2584)

On 02/15/2010 at 12:02pm - money - by Ambar - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

#14397838
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26768) - you deserved it (5597)

On 12/30/2010 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

#13586987
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26766) - you deserved it (2739)

On 10/25/2010 at 4:28am - intimacy - by kimbo (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

#21387788
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26766) - you deserved it (15813)

On 04/04/2015 at 11:06pm - kids - by TKPhai - United States (California)



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