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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my neighbors got a motion sensor light that points at my window. It's so sensitive that it goes off every time an insect flies past. FML

#19601111
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19757) - you deserved it (1526)

On 05/10/2012 at 2:25am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

#20086472
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19757) - you deserved it (5673)

On 09/24/2012 at 10:33am - kids - by smashed (man) - United States

Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML

#19336064
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19758) - you deserved it (4890)

On 03/23/2012 at 11:51pm - love - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, I was reading the end of my book. I turn the page and see, written at the top: "Lauren kills Paul in the end... You shouldn't have pissed me off." It was from my sister, we had a fight yesterday. FML

#594
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19751) - you deserved it (6099)

On 12/25/2008 at 7:57am - misc - by poupi - Sent from mobile version

Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology, which ended with me being hospitalized because of an allergy attack. I have no idea what I'm allergic to, but my doctor says I should just assume I'm "allergic to all leaves, ever." FML

#20126324
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19750) - you deserved it (1218)

On 10/21/2012 at 6:31am - health - by leaftheerickson (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was sleeping next to my girlfriend and I turned over to the sound of her talking in her sleep. Because it was so cute, I was happy and I smiled, until she began to talk about "Troy" and "all the nasty things you can do to me." FML

#5876173
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19748) - you deserved it (2053)

On 10/18/2009 at 8:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

#6710646
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19747) - you deserved it (7465)

On 12/11/2009 at 4:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

#17266152
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19747) - you deserved it (2545)

On 07/26/2011 at 10:05am - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my drunk mother got into a fight with the lady at Krystal burger. Why? "Because the bitch said they aren't making special orders." FML

#8085656
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19743) - you deserved it (2179)

On 02/10/2010 at 10:10am - misc - by Krit - United States

Today, I found out about my old school's class reunion, which I wasn't invited to. Everyone has my number and e-mail address. They just "forgot" to tell me. FML

#19448079
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19742) - you deserved it (2387)

On 04/11/2012 at 3:34am - misc - by Girl-with-the-glasses (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

#20460283
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19741) - you deserved it (36407)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my boyfriend showed up at my grandmother's wake in torn jeans and a Family Guy t-shirt. When I took him aside asked him what the hell he was thinking, he lost his temper and stormed out. FML

#20442809
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19741) - you deserved it (3722)

On 01/04/2013 at 5:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I discovered that my three-year-old daughter has mastered the art of pickpocketing. While I was driving to work this morning, my car broke down. I reached in my pocket to call AAA on my cell, only to find her squirt gun in its place. FML

#19612373
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19740) - you deserved it (2374)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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