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Today, I got a Brazilian wax in anticipation of becoming intimate for the first time this weekend with a man I have dated for a few weeks. I'm so sore it hurts just to walk. FML

by Pattie / 06/12/2015 at 2:50am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had to pay a $150 late fee because my landlord didn't receive the rent check. My boyfriend had addressed the envelope to himself and put the landlord's as the return address. FML

by sunflower226 / 08/05/2011 at 5:41pm / United States / Money

Today, my cat was yowling and meowing pathetically outside my door, I checked she had food, water, and she followed me back up to my room. She nestled down on the radiator behind my desk, then threw up all over it. The cat sick is stuck inside the radiator, and it smells just lovely. FML

by Stinkybedroom / 12/30/2009 at 8:22am / United Kingdom (London) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at daycare, a little girl cussed me out because I didn't have any apple juice left. When I called her parents, they sided with her and cussed me out too. My boss refused to sympathize, and reprimanded me for not making sure we still had apple juice. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I watched my car roll backwards on the freeway, while attached to the tow truck that I was sitting in. FML

by ljd09 / 11/03/2009 at 11:06pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

by Sad.To.Be.Me. / 01/13/2012 at 6:56pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

by Username / 02/27/2012 at 7:37pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

by smiler / 03/17/2010 at 12:59pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 7:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got engaged. When I called my father, who is out of state for a few days, to tell him, his response was, "What'd you do that for?" FML

by jessiebear159 / 05/28/2015 at 3:04am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

by Pain_intolerant / 03/11/2011 at 9:11am / Canada / Health

Today, I was trying to take my shirt off. It was an awkward fit, so I had to basically wrestle it for five minutes. The kicker was that I was giving my boyfriend a striptease. He laughed so hard and for so long that we never had sex. FML

by Damn / 06/05/2012 at 3:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that when people in my apartment complex warn their kids about strangers, they use me as the example. FML

by iamnotalawyer / 03/26/2012 at 12:55am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous