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Today, after 5 months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight". She allowed me all of 4 minutes of feeling good about myself. FML

#19676513
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20461) - you deserved it (2543)

On 05/25/2012 at 12:32am - misc - by daddyowl - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

#20077596
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20456) - you deserved it (3539)

On 09/18/2012 at 10:04am - misc - by dearbailee (woman) - United States

Today, on the way home from a night out, I crossed the main road in my town via the traffic lights. As I got to the other side, a guy turned to his two friends and 'whispered' with a look of disgust, "I would have run that one over." Thanks. FML

#8580880
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20454) - you deserved it (2249)

On 02/23/2010 at 3:05am - misc - by thetallone (woman) - United Kingdom (Blackpool)

Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML

#467270
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20448) - you deserved it (64353)

On 03/19/2009 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I told a patient that we needed to collect a stool sample. I left the room momentarily to retrieve what the patient would need. He apparently didn't need anything besides the counter in the exam room. FML

#19951695
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20449) - you deserved it (1912)

On 07/17/2012 at 8:54pm - work - by TimeForACareerChange (man) - United States

Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML

#20666917
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20446) - you deserved it (36678)

On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to try to serenade me by throwing rocks at my window and singing a song about how much he loves me. This would have been extremely sweet if he would have gotten my window instead of my dad's. FML

#20050638
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20445) - you deserved it (1938)

On 08/31/2012 at 6:16am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a student of mine used the phrase "well, you know, like back in your day" about defining "going out". I'm only 24. FML

#1158
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20444) - you deserved it (1786)

On 01/14/2009 at 6:20pm - kids - by Old? - United States (Washington)

Today, I had just finished riding my bike when I ran into the girl I am secretly in love with. While I walked over to her I got an erection through my spandex biking shorts. FML

#8730305
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20444) - you deserved it (9426)

On 02/28/2010 at 9:15pm - intimacy - by hornyloser770 - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

#19433649
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20444) - you deserved it (2304)

On 04/08/2012 at 11:29pm - love - by Stinky. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took a major test, worth half my grade, not realizing that there were questions on the back of the sheet. FML

#18192880
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20443) - you deserved it (33725)

On 11/08/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

#19072071
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20443) - you deserved it (2326)

On 02/14/2012 at 6:56am - love - by ThanksMum (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

#20470654
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20436) - you deserved it (40941)

On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)



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