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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to get to class at 9:00 to take a test. I woke up at 6:00, and figured I could wait a few minutes before getting ready. The next thing I knew, it was 10:30. FML

#20200420
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20369) - you deserved it (21245)

On 12/11/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

#13016642
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20368) - you deserved it (4339)

On 09/12/2010 at 7:34am - money - by concernedson - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML

#19908614
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20367) - you deserved it (5825)

On 07/08/2012 at 5:47am - animals - by scorpionsurviver - United States

Today, I was on a webcam with my friend. We were joking around so I stood up and flashed her. Her grandma choose that second to walk past and look at the screen. Her grandma now thinks were lesbians and that I'm a whore. FML

#416306
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20362) - you deserved it (70024)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:51pm - misc - by webcammistake (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend yawned while I was giving him head. FML

#12959324
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20362) - you deserved it (29998)

On 09/08/2010 at 2:53am - intimacy - by dom - United States

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

#20566988
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20357) - you deserved it (51085)

On 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by fuck you dad (man) - Ireland (Monaghan)

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

#7147698
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20356) - you deserved it (3837)

On 01/04/2010 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by audied (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

#16454876
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20355) - you deserved it (25813)

On 06/01/2011 at 5:21pm - misc - by ven980 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML

#17620390
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20350) - you deserved it (3474)

On 08/30/2011 at 10:53am - misc - by gofixmyhead (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

#20083358
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20348) - you deserved it (3005)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:12am - animals - by Grauncho - United States (Illinois)

Today, in my AP Biology class, a student informed us she'd read that Antarctica had completely melted due to global warming, to which my friend gushed, "Yeah! It's been melted for, like, months." FML

#20193921
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20348) - you deserved it (1759)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:47pm - misc - by bieberslayer (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend's response to my question about where our relationship was going was, "Let me check what my Celtic Runes have to say about it." FML

#18434296
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20346) - you deserved it (3503)

On 12/05/2011 at 3:05am - love - by me - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to buy some Ibuprofen and got asked for ID. You have to be over 16 to buy it. I'm 25. FML

#2946
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20343) - you deserved it (2393)

On 01/28/2009 at 12:21am - misc - by noneoftheabove - United Kingdom (Nottingham)



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