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Today, I got a Brazilian wax in anticipation of becoming intimate for the first time this weekend with a man I have dated for a few weeks. I'm so sore it hurts just to walk. FML

#21424841
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26816) - you deserved it (8013)

On 06/12/2015 at 2:50am - intimacy - by Pattie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the man that I have a crush on finally touched me. This would have been great, if not for the fact that it was to roll me on my side while I was having a seizure. FML

#21434226
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26816) - you deserved it (1759)

On 06/30/2015 at 3:51am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

#19343644
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26815) - you deserved it (3311)

On 03/25/2012 at 7:59am - animals - by PicklesMcRaptor - United States (Florida)

Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

#8741180
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26814) - you deserved it (8223)

On 03/01/2010 at 2:30am - intimacy - by Lovejunkie (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I found out that the piece of vacant land I purchased for $20,000 is illegal to build a house on, due to acreage restrictions. Thank you, realtor. FML

#19860530
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26814) - you deserved it (5354)

On 06/28/2012 at 12:53pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both. We concluded the day by boogey boarding on a mechanical wave. There was so much water I didn't realize my boobs had completely fallen out of my bikini. As revenge, my kids didn't tell me. FML

#13823164
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26813) - you deserved it (19827)

On 11/13/2010 at 1:29am - misc - by sandyseashells10 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was carrying a hot cup of noodles. I sneezed and accidentally stabbed myself in the forehead with a fork. FML

#8130658
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26812) - you deserved it (5332)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:35pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML

#18236963
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26811) - you deserved it (2414)

On 11/13/2011 at 12:10pm - love - by mandie - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while packing my luggage from vacation I thought I saw a penny drop into my bag. After looking everywhere I couldn't find it. Now that I am home I found out that I had mistaken a cockroach for a penny. I now have a family of cockroaches living in my luggage. FML

#19476471
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26808) - you deserved it (2932)

On 04/16/2012 at 12:24am - animals - by penny-dropping - United States

Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML

#13252455
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26807) - you deserved it (3468)

On 09/29/2010 at 6:47pm - kids - by Mommy (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I went to leave my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

#21332094
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26807) - you deserved it (3566)

On 01/06/2015 at 3:57pm - misc - by trixanne (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend tried to serenade me with The Sex is Good by Saving Abel. According to him, "I have to fake it, I'd leave if I could. I'm not in love, but the sex is good." FML

#14521815
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26806) - you deserved it (3843)

On 01/09/2011 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

#17388781
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26806) - you deserved it (3658)

On 08/06/2011 at 4:39pm - kids - by Tabby (woman) - United Kingdom



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