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Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

#16510507
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19880) - you deserved it (51838)

On 06/05/2011 at 3:23am - intimacy - by yup - United States (Washington)

Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML

#20065022
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19878) - you deserved it (1934)

On 09/09/2012 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

#121869
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19875) - you deserved it (49132)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:43am - misc - by shilpajayseanfan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin my innocence. FML

#5141193
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19868) - you deserved it (3369)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:13am - intimacy - by Magnus_the_Red (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

#20886867
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19863) - you deserved it (30166)

On 09/18/2013 at 6:59pm - work - by Sunny (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML

#19797072
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19861) - you deserved it (4639)

On 06/16/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Schaf_12 (man) - Austria (Wien)

Today, my dad found a couple of coins on the floor next to my desk, and gave me a lecture about how money doesn't grow on trees and how irresponsible I am when it comes to money. They were Chuck E. Cheese tokens. FML

#19585247
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19858) - you deserved it (2207)

On 05/07/2012 at 12:12am - money - by rofindie (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I fell asleep on the train, totally wiped out after last night's party, which involved lots of booze and spicy Indian food. I wake up and notice a small boy staring at me, so I smiled at him. He turned to his father and said, "Daddy, the farting man has just woken up." FML

#947
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19857) - you deserved it (7942)

On 01/10/2009 at 9:11pm - kids - by mark - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was practicing for a choir concert that I have next week. My mom walked into my room and listened to me for a little while. After I finished the last song, she smiled, patted me on the head and said, "It's okay honey, I can't sing either." FML

#19590549
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19857) - you deserved it (2493)

On 05/08/2012 at 1:05am - misc - by Ellie (woman) - United States

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, I woke up, only to find my arm was still asleep. I tried to move it just a tiny bit, but somehow ended up punching myself in the face. FML

#19602885
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19856) - you deserved it (4572)

On 05/10/2012 at 3:14pm - misc - by Amy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I called my mum, crying because of my low self-esteem. She interrupted my sobs by saying, "Can I hang up now? The phone's getting hot." FML

#19567483
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19853) - you deserved it (5271)

On 05/03/2012 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I woke up after my pregnant fiancée punched me in the face. Apparently, I rolled over in my sleep and knocked her out of bed. She is still pissed about it. FML

#19914147
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19851) - you deserved it (10614)

On 07/09/2012 at 11:09am - love - by randomguy (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

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