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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, at my new job, I took some food out to a customer. Walking away, I heard a lady mumble, "Oh my God, you could never pay me enough to wear that." FML

#14197069
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21275) - you deserved it (3159)

On 12/13/2010 at 11:13pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

#21217633
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21274) - you deserved it (49953)

On 07/22/2014 at 7:20pm - health - by dypshyyt - United States (Florida)

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

#6401581
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21273) - you deserved it (3798)

On 11/22/2009 at 4:15am - intimacy - by lonewolf2701 - United States

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

#14339155
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21274) - you deserved it (3649)

On 12/25/2010 at 9:29pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

#21192717
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21273) - you deserved it (55065)

On 06/29/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my sister is nursing an injured cat back to health in our home because she accidentally hit it with her car. Now I can't decide which is contributing more to my insomnia: the incessant meowing, or the constant itching because our house is infested with fleas. FML

#12889600
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21272) - you deserved it (2944)

On 09/03/2010 at 7:02pm - health - by insomniac (man) -

Today, I called my mom to see how she was doing. She quickly hijacked the conversation and said that she's signed me up for a dating site, because she feels bad that I can't find a decent man. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months, and she's seen me with him multiple times. FML

#19890809
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21272) - you deserved it (1962)

On 07/04/2012 at 2:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at a job interview, I was asked what I thought of twerking. It was a bizarre question, but trying to get on the interviewer's good side, I said I thought it was pretty cool. He snorted and said I'll be job-seeking for a while yet. FML

#20870423
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21272) - you deserved it (42437)

On 09/06/2013 at 5:23pm - work - by howprofessional (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was admitted to hospital for suspected kidney failure. I called my best friend to let her know I couldn't make it to her birthday party tonight. She seemed to be infinitely more upset that I wouldn't be able to give her a birthday present. FML

#19715534
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21270) - you deserved it (1725)

On 06/01/2012 at 1:58pm - health - by Ashe (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

#20907982
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21271) - you deserved it (47815)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the optometrist for him to buy contact lenses for the first time. He said the detail was much better than glasses. I excitedly asked him if he could see my freckles better now, and after a long and disappointed look at my face, he said "Nope, just more acne." FML

#19580069
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21269) - you deserved it (3275)

On 05/06/2012 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, thinking we'd still be able to finish our project in time for tomorrow's deadline, my work group put off doing any work until today. When we logged into the website we have to use, we found it was down for maintenance all day. FML

#21173245
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21269) - you deserved it (43086)

On 06/13/2014 at 11:36am - work - by Anonymous - Afghanistan (Kabol)

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

#18765648
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21266) - you deserved it (3167)

On 01/10/2012 at 10:34am - misc - by NJ <3 - United States



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