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Today, I had to give a speech but I wasn't prepared. I decided to give it anyway. While giving the speech, I got so nervous I passed out. FML

#8770202
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19982) - you deserved it (7750)

On 03/02/2010 at 9:45am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML

#20141607
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19981) - you deserved it (3927)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:09pm - animals - by NotSpiderman (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at a dance. I was griding with this guy when I felt something move in his pants. I stood up and stepped away. He replied with "Don't flatter yourself, it was my phone". FML

#254929
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19980) - you deserved it (50079)

On 03/09/2009 at 8:26pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got fined when my fat dog decided to walk across a private film set to get at the catering area. FML

#13433237
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19974) - you deserved it (9009)

On 10/13/2010 at 11:28am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I was working at a portrait studio and was taking pictures of a little girl, I kept telling the girl to stop making silly faces when she smiles because her eyes go cross-eyed. After the third time I said it her mom grabbed the little girl and left. Turns out, she was naturally cross-eyed. FML

#852242
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19973) - you deserved it (52488)

On 04/07/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML

#7370
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19973) - you deserved it (34036)

On 02/04/2009 at 6:23am - animals - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was showering at my dorm. I had my clothes locked in a locker and my towel and robe hanging outside the stall. Someone took off with my towel and robe, which had my keys. I had to walk down three flights of stairs to get an extra key in nothing but a plastic shower curtain. FML

#20075333
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19973) - you deserved it (1966)

On 09/16/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by Blueberry (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

#17548776
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19971) - you deserved it (41658)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML

#20109382
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19969) - you deserved it (3163)

On 10/09/2012 at 6:56pm - kids - by fionnathehuman - United States

Today, some construction workers kept going in and out the door next to my cubicle. They decided it would be easier to just prop the door open for the next hour. It's 20 degrees outside, and I'm wearing a dress. FML

#14543942
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19967) - you deserved it (6097)

On 01/11/2011 at 9:45am - work - by bitty (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

#20173351
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19967) - you deserved it (3587)

On 11/22/2012 at 1:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

#18513189
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19965) - you deserved it (25140)

On 12/14/2011 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was out with my dog, who loves to bury things. He had recently torn apart his toy and buried it in the sand. I saw a piece of it sticking out of the ground, so I picked it up. It turns out that I was not holding his toy, but rather a dead bat. FML



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