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Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

#13723966
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20894) - you deserved it (11630)

On 11/05/2010 at 6:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Gwynedd)

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

#20196008
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20893) - you deserved it (3472)

On 12/08/2012 at 4:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

#3670
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20891) - you deserved it (5249)

On 01/30/2009 at 9:42am - love - by anonymous neighbor - United States (New York)

Today, my dad insisted on having a family movie night. He chose the movies Jaws and Mayday. I'm going on a diving expedition tomorrow. FML

#19271191
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20891) - you deserved it (2452)

On 03/13/2012 at 1:59pm - misc - by Samantha - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML

#19617279
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20890) - you deserved it (2943)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:54pm - kids - by just me (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

#1770571
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20886) - you deserved it (45544)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

#19704356
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20884) - you deserved it (2092)

On 05/30/2012 at 12:45pm - kids - by unzucht (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I went swimming. While I was walking along side of the pool, everyone was staring at me. I began to think that my diet was really working. It was only an hour later, in the changing rooms, that I noticed the string from my Tampax that was sticking out of my swimming costume. FML

#627
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20880) - you deserved it (5049)

On 12/30/2008 at 1:24am - misc - by mimimi - Sent from mobile version

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

#16432194
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20879) - you deserved it (64630)

On 05/31/2011 at 7:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had done the laundry. At first, I was very appreciative. However, I wasn't so thankful when I found out she brought home the wrong basket from the laundromat. FML

#8639311
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20876) - you deserved it (1937)

On 02/25/2010 at 1:12pm - misc - by jacquelle - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

#19645294
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20876) - you deserved it (3921)

On 05/19/2012 at 4:03am - work - by themcdave - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, I was trying to relieve a dog that looked like it was choking because it was tied to a pole while its owner was in a restaurant. The owner called a security guard because she was convinced I was trying to steal her dog. FML

#13162058
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20875) - you deserved it (4115)

On 09/22/2010 at 9:25pm - animals - by Hilary - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

#19950706
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20875) - you deserved it (1797)

On 07/17/2012 at 4:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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