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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML

#18958302
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22853) - you deserved it (4342)

On 01/31/2012 at 1:22am - kids - by beautifulme (woman) - United States

Today, I though it would be funny to go on my boyfriend's facebook to change his status. While in the process, his account received a message. Turns out he's planning on hooking up with his ex girlfriend/one of my friends and is definitely over me. How's that for snooping around? FML

#6132995
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22851) - you deserved it (33715)

On 11/03/2009 at 9:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to do community service work, so I helped out at a senior center. One of the confused elderly patients, who believed the Cold War was still on, thought I was a Soviet and started screaming about how I was going to nuke his country. FML

#18898180
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22847) - you deserved it (3703)

On 01/24/2012 at 11:42am - work - by communistgirl (woman) - United States

Today, out of partying reflex, I downed Communion wine like a vodka shot. FML

#20830409
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22846) - you deserved it (44215)

On 08/10/2013 at 6:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at school I pulled my bicep muscle arm wrestling. I lost. He was 14. I'm the 23 year old security guard. FML

#13657321
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22845) - you deserved it (9052)

On 10/31/2010 at 12:06am - work - by Disappointed - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

#19962660
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22844) - you deserved it (1816)

On 07/20/2012 at 3:58am - misc - by Grrr (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I picked up my car from the repair shop, drove two miles, and ran out of gas. I then walked to get gas, put a gallon of gas in the car, and tried to start it. The battery was too weak to start the car, and died on the spot. FML

#19896001
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22840) - you deserved it (2215)

On 07/05/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by 303 - United States (Texas)

Today, I struggled through a one hour traffic jam to get to the airport to pick up my dad who was just coming back from an overseas trip. I got there only to find that he had given me the wrong date, and I had to drive home. Best part? I have to do it all over again tomorrow. FML

#18279451
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22838) - you deserved it (2979)

On 11/18/2011 at 5:49am - misc - by Etyl (woman) - Indonesia (Jawa Tengah)

Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When the guy I have a major crush on stood next to me, I got really excited, so I tried to sound good. After the song ended, he asked me if I wanted some gum to cover up my morning breath. FML

#19111360
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22839) - you deserved it (10270)

On 02/18/2012 at 11:03pm - love - by snowinggrey - United States

Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML

#20401192
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22837) - you deserved it (5259)

On 12/15/2012 at 7:57pm - work - by lingling (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

#20070030
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22835) - you deserved it (2112)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:37am - misc - by Sprtsgeek13 - United States (Maine)

Today, my boss fired me. I can't really explain the slap I gave him for it, though. FML

#21072136
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22832) - you deserved it (33697) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/26/2014 at 4:45am - work - by sistermonster (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I realized that I have completely fallen for this incredible guy, and that I am really looking forward to where our relationship will take us. He just informed me that he will be doing jail time following his court date Tuesday. FML

#7218409
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22830) - you deserved it (5148)

On 01/08/2010 at 3:06pm - love - by brokenrelicslost (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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