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Today, my boyfriend invited me over to "play with his lizard." After excitedly rushing across town, I realized this wasn't a euphemism, he actually bought an Iguana. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6908) - you deserved it (14671)
On 09/11/2012 at 10:35pm - intimacy - by Iguana (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6906) - you deserved it (50790)
On 11/23/2010 at 8:41am - work - by fired (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6912) - you deserved it (109000)
On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6901) - you deserved it (94006)
On 11/11/2011 at 10:17am - kids - by embarrassed - Canada (Ontario)
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6900) - you deserved it (22845)
On 04/14/2011 at 8:53pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6893) - you deserved it (32797)
On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6893) - you deserved it (33120)
On 01/08/2010 at 6:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my husband revealed that he found me drunk and shoe-less in a shrub in our front garden last night, sending dirty texts to my new employee. I've recently had my meds switched and apparently can't drink now. My husband's pissed, my shoes are gone, and I can't look the new guy in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6892) - you deserved it (13327)
On 09/21/2012 at 6:56am - misc - by for_fs_sake (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I was doing my usual routine at the gym which consists of working out on the treadmills right in front of my ex boyfriend to make him feel bad. Whilst doing this, I tried to be cool and do that thing where as the treadmill slows down you turn around and just walk off the end. I fell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6890) - you deserved it (49874)
On 02/21/2009 at 4:35am - love - by notsosexygirl (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, after nearly a year of headaches and fuzzy vision, I went to the eye doctor. It turns out I've had my contacts in the wrong eyes for a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6886) - you deserved it (28509)
On 11/02/2012 at 11:39am - health - by Midnightpearls - United States
Today, I noticed a cute girl in the checkout lane at the store. Feeling a little flirtatious, I decided to blow a bubble with my gum to get her attention. I accidentally shot the gum out of my mouth onto the guy next to me, spitting all over myself in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6880) - you deserved it (25411)
On 03/16/2010 at 4:12pm - love - by splitzville (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6878) - you deserved it (29988)
On 08/01/2010 at 9:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was supposed to talk to my girlfriend's mom to ask permission to date her daughter but I chickened out. We've been together for almost a year, but have not been on a real date because I am too damn scared of her family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6878) - you deserved it (35001)
On 03/08/2010 at 3:33am - love - by imafrickenidiot - Sent from mobile version
Monday 17 June 2013
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