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Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML

#20910594
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22458) - you deserved it (52420)

On 10/07/2013 at 3:37am - work - by bitch (woman) - Australia

Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from under ground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML

#12911536
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22453) - you deserved it (21819)

On 09/05/2010 at 1:22am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

#18765648
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22452) - you deserved it (3301)

On 01/10/2012 at 10:34am - misc - by NJ <3 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I spent $100 on myself, using it to set up an account so that my son can call me from jail. FML

#20117850
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22452) - you deserved it (3679)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:10am - kids - by Reihna (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML

#19995362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22451) - you deserved it (1396)

On 07/31/2012 at 9:54pm - work - by kaitlyna15 - United States (Washington)

Today, I got attacked by my own dog. I don't know what will be harder, telling everyone how my dog thought I was a robber or explaining to them why a 25 year old man owns a poodle. FML

#15766373
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22450) - you deserved it (15031)

On 04/13/2011 at 3:05am - animals - by Username -

Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML

#17874555
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22449) - you deserved it (4447)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

#20059533
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22448) - you deserved it (2296)

On 09/05/2012 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, a drunk truck driver taught me a very valuable lesson: Never tie your shoelaces in the middle of a parking lot. FML

Today, my sister is visiting. She used more toilet paper today than I have in two months. FML

#18587898
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22447) - you deserved it (2812)

On 12/23/2011 at 10:45am - misc - by jriese444 - United States (Virginia)

Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

#8990477
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22446) - you deserved it (3174)

On 03/11/2010 at 1:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was on a plane. When my flight attendant brought me my drink, it had a lid and a straw. He told me, very seriously, "not to spill." No one else got a lid. I'm 18, and apparently I look spill-prone. FML

#14604912
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22447) - you deserved it (2985)

On 01/16/2011 at 8:37pm - misc - by thisisme (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to give a speech in front of my class and during my speech I had to say the words "But six"; however, because of my accent it sounded like "Butt sex". For the remainder of the day I was frequently asked about "Butt sex". FML

#1040
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22445) - you deserved it (2552)

On 01/13/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by Explicit - United States (Massachusetts)



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