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Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML

#19668387
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21856) - you deserved it (4567)

On 05/23/2012 at 4:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my husband sweetly asked me, "You know what I'd really like to do if I had an extra $4,000?" Expecting a romantic answer, I asked what. He said, "I'd get you a tummy tuck." He still can't figure out what he said wrong. FML

#20125706
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21856) - you deserved it (4370)

On 10/20/2012 at 8:22pm - love - by cargaljen (woman) - United States

Today, I saw an old man who needed help crossing the street. I went over to him and helped him across the street. When he thanked me, I said, "No problem, sir." They responded by hitting me in the happy sacks and screaming that they were a woman. FML

#6467365
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21854) - you deserved it (6577)

On 11/26/2009 at 7:26pm - misc - by anniecook (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

#19727538
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21856) - you deserved it (10190)

On 06/03/2012 at 4:27pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, the guy I liked for years asked me out. I instantly said yes. As I was walking away, I forgot I was at the top of the stairs and fell down 20 steps. He stood at the top and laughed. FML

#8837679
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21853) - you deserved it (5426)

On 03/05/2010 at 12:24am - love - by harro101 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend of a year and I had sex for the first time in several weeks due to relationship problems; I came in less than 10 seconds. We're still having problems. FML

#12641347
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21852) - you deserved it (26545)

On 08/20/2010 at 5:51am - intimacy - by pathetic (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, after a week of sporting what I thought was a flattering pixie cut, I realised that without my long hair, my body shape closely resembles a snowman's. FML

#17461404
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21854) - you deserved it (9582)

On 08/13/2011 at 4:29pm - misc - by Karin (woman) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML

#19411830
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21852) - you deserved it (1798)

On 04/05/2012 at 12:18pm - misc - by I hate nasty people - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML

#19381776
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21852) - you deserved it (9960)

On 03/31/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML

#20166242
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21850) - you deserved it (2721)

On 11/17/2012 at 1:42am - misc - by sarahhbear - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room". FML

#20084453
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21847) - you deserved it (1731)

On 09/23/2012 at 12:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling hungry, so I went to the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. I found hundreds of weevils festering in my Lucky Charms. FML

#7937291
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21845) - you deserved it (3750)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by annony-moose - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got a $20 tip from an old lady I delivered pizza to. Ecstatic, I walked back to my car where there was a $30 parking fine waiting for me. FML

#19692840
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21845) - you deserved it (8009)

On 05/28/2012 at 9:55am - money - by dammit33 - Australia (Victoria)



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