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Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML

by anon / 02/06/2010 at 7:28pm / United Kingdom (York) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. The reason? She slept with four men while I was two weeks away visiting my brother. She told me it was because she missed me so much. FML

by CheatedOn / 02/14/2010 at 10:19am / Romania (Cluj) / Intimacy

Today, a while after finishing and uploading a task, I looked at my peers' work to make sure I hadn't missed anything in mine. One of them had gotten the same idea and had decided to incorporate part of my work into his. "Part" as in "all". "All" as in all of his work is also all of mine. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2015 at 11:19pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I spent two hours perfecting a really romantic text message to my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. I listed all the things I loved about him, and recalled some of our best times together. Two minutes after I sent it, he replied, "Huh?" FML

by upupandaway / 01/30/2012 at 6:51pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, while putting a drip in the back of an elderly patient's hand, he commented that he didn't realise doctors had pierced nipples, but not to worry because he's only in the hospital "for the b*tches". FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 4:37pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, I dropped my handbag into a water-filled gutter. As I was hurriedly fishing out the contents of my bag, I looked up. There was my ex, with the girl he left me for walking past, timed exactly to coincide with me manically scooping up one of many rapidly absorbing tampons. FML

by shamefaced / 12/06/2012 at 10:11pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love

Today, I brought my girlfriend of six months over to meet my family. When my grandpa saw her, he said, "What a waste of good breeding stock." FML

by mandie / 11/13/2011 at 12:10pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2015 at 2:49am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML

by rkl2010 / 05/23/2010 at 2:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I took my 2-year-old son to the ear doctor, since he'd stopped responding whenever I call him. The doctor told me that his ears are just fine. He's just ignoring me. FML

by fml / 07/29/2012 at 8:20am / Japan (Saitama) / Kids

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

by howaboutthemcarrots / 04/14/2015 at 11:08am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Health

Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML

by mytoehurts / 06/26/2015 at 9:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received our gas bill for about £200. My flatmate felt that this was extortionate and therefore phoned up our gas company and angrily told them to recalculate the bill. They did. We now owe £300. FML

by Anonymous / 02/06/2010 at 7:40am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Transportation