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Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

#18976293
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15371) - you deserved it (19665)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - India

Today, like any other day I struggled to put my boots on, went to pee and noticed my pants were covered in what looked like a green dust. I touched it, sniffed it, and it smelled utterly horrendous. So I took my boots off again only to find that one of my cats had took a dump in one of them. FML

Today, I went on a date with a man I met on Halloween. It appears that his mullet wasn't actually part of his costume. FML

#6133031
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15359) - you deserved it (5954)

On 11/03/2009 at 9:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my boyfriend, of a year, got drunk and called me flat chested then said the reason he won't have sex with me anymore is because he is "used" to me. He said all of this in front of his friends. FML

#7701844
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15356) - you deserved it (2040)

On 01/30/2010 at 9:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got up at 8am and didn't take a shower so I could hear the postman at the door. He never came. I stink. FML

#14
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15354) - you deserved it (66975)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:24am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, my girlfriend told me how she loves when I kiss her out of the blue. I don't have the heart to admit I only do it so I can get some peace and quiet for a few seconds. FML

#16429286
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15351) - you deserved it (32365)

On 05/31/2011 at 12:51am - love - by romantic84 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a girl in my class turned around and said, "Wow, you've got your photo on a rubber! That's amazing!" The rubber was designed to look like a £10 note, and the picture was of the Queen of England. FML

#491
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15343) - you deserved it (1727)

On 12/11/2008 at 12:13am - misc - by Elizabeth - Sent from mobile version

Today, I walked in to my apartment to see my husband sitting there with his toes painted pink. When I asked him why, he said, "I wanted to feel pretty." This is the man who is about to be the father of my child. FML

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

#19802218
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15334) - you deserved it (1793)

On 06/17/2012 at 3:38pm - work - by Megan (woman) - United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot)

Today, a woman walked out of the Humane Society with a cat carrier. I said, "Oh did you adopt him?" She walked past and started crying. She had just brought her cat in to be euthanized. FML

#6800
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15334) - you deserved it (6699)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:19pm - animals - by Ves (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I talked to my crush for twenty minutes at Wal-mart. Then I realized I forgot to take off my Weight Watchers meeting nametag. FML

#6242607
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15333) - you deserved it (21596)

On 11/10/2009 at 12:53pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

#921004
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15333) - you deserved it (72485)

On 04/12/2009 at 12:27am - intimacy - by anon13 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was talking to my crush on MSN. She was telling me how her friend had passed away recently. I had two chats open and accidentally replied, "That's hilarious." FML

#12887848
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15331) - you deserved it (32427)

On 09/03/2010 at 4:51pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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