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Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket. When the conductor was in sight, I saw he was a young man and I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay". FML

by Mulee / 03/07/2009 at 7:03am / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Intimacy

Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML

by Tay / 02/16/2012 at 8:29pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2015 at 1:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I posted a pic of my prom dress on facebook. The dress looked amazing on me and it just felt so right. So I spent every single dollar I had and some borrowed to buy the dress. When I logged on later that night, the first comment asked "Is this a joke?" FML

by yayaimannoying / 03/08/2010 at 8:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbors coated their house in flashing Christmas lights and blared out "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" all day long. Only 29 days left until Christmas. FML

by Me / 11/26/2011 at 6:10pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my Dad and I went to McDonald's, only to have him shove two handfuls of sugar packets into the bag. He said, "If it's for free, why only take one?" To make it worse, my crush was at the till, watching what was happening. FML

by AshamedDaughter / 08/17/2011 at 3:14am / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, I popped a zit and I went to put my acne medicine on it. It's in a clear bottle with a blue cap, just like the nearby nailpolish remover. I grabbed the wrong one. FML

by inseriouspain / 08/22/2010 at 5:20pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I had to pay a $150 late fee because my landlord didn't receive the rent check. My boyfriend had addressed the envelope to himself and put the landlord's as the return address. FML

by sunflower226 / 08/05/2011 at 5:41pm / United States / Money

Today, I found out that when you are sitting on a full bench at a bus stop, some crazy person will come sit on you. FML

by BadassRumbleroar / 01/19/2012 at 10:46pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I spent 5 hours organizing my porn collection on my computer. What the hell am I doing with my life? FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2015 at 3:35pm / Bahrain (Al Manamah) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

by Sad.To.Be.Me. / 01/13/2012 at 6:56pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

by oh lord / 05/27/2012 at 12:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML

by wtf dad / 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous