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Today, I found out my girlfriend is a full-on, wants-to-be-banged-by-a-horse furry. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2015 at 6:47am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my mom if she could buy me some anti-nausea medicine. She said, "You just have a stomach ache. It's not like you're throwing up." As she said it, I threw up everything but my childhood memories. She still wouldn't get any medicine. FML

Today, I was walking through my town when a man on a bicycle rolled up to me and said, "I don't mean this offensively but you're really well-built." I don't know whether he was commenting on my height or comparing me to a shed, but my mother won't stop laughing. FML

by apparently-a-shed / 03/05/2013 at 7:20am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

by birchbeer / 05/11/2015 at 3:39pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smiled and waved, and then continued. So much for my new eyesight. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2012 at 4:30pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML

by kdeeeceee / 11/05/2011 at 3:25am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I attended a focus group. Since I've been unemployed for a month now I thought the $60 would come in handy. By the time I finished someone had broken into my car, stole my GPS and MP3 player. FML

by unlucky / 11/09/2009 at 10:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML

by shanxi / 05/23/2012 at 2:47pm / United States / Health

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

by Tabby / 08/06/2011 at 4:39pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I got rear-ended. An old woman got out and came over to my car window. I thought she was coming to apologize and trade insurance companies. Instead, she poured her soda on my head, ran back into her car, and drove away. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2012 at 10:47pm / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation

Today, I finally used the statistics book that I forked out $120 to buy. To kill an ant. FML

by jaybob18 / 06/17/2011 at 2:07am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I went to throw out the garbage outside. I noticed at the bottom of my can was a lot of rice. I was angry at my brother for making a mess. As I went to clean it up, the rice moved. It wasn't rice, it was maggots. FML

by SayWhat / 02/25/2010 at 6:46am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally went on a date with the girl I'm in love with. After dinner we went to the bar for drinks and things were going great. Right up until she went home with another guy. FML

by Jebus / 01/23/2009 at 8:31am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love