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Today, I received a rejection letter from a job I desperately wanted. Yesterday, the job offer I'd been stalling on in while waiting for news about this one expired. FML

by badtiming / 03/03/2015 at 12:18pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Work

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

by thisisnotavirustrustme.exe / 04/18/2015 at 3:34pm / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my ex girlfriend that I still love sent me a text, quote "I still love you, but i'm not IN love with you" um. what? FML

by wtf / 01/07/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my Dad and I went to McDonald's, only to have him shove two handfuls of sugar packets into the bag. He said, "If it's for free, why only take one?" To make it worse, my crush was at the till, watching what was happening. FML

by AshamedDaughter / 08/17/2011 at 3:14am / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2012 at 6:30am / Australia / Transportation

Today, I was trying to take my shirt off. It was an awkward fit, so I had to basically wrestle it for five minutes. The kicker was that I was giving my boyfriend a striptease. He laughed so hard and for so long that we never had sex. FML

by Damn / 06/05/2012 at 3:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was trying to convince a friend that even though I'm blonde, I'm not the oblivious or stupid moron everyone apparently thinks I am. Then I smacked face-first into a glass door. FML

by Blondie / 05/05/2011 at 4:01pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Health

Today, I slipped on my icy front porch, fell back and hit my head on the step. I tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell halfway into the bush next to the steps. I then looked up to see my very hot, British, Ex-Special Forces next door neighbor laughing so hard he dropped his snow shovel. FML

by youlyingjerk / 01/31/2010 at 9:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

by .... / 12/31/2009 at 1:23am / Canada (Manitoba) / Health

Today, I almost missed the bus. I grabbed my backpack and ran out the door. It wasn't until after we got to school that I realized I was still in my slippers. FML

by Connie / 06/04/2011 at 2:00am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML

 Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 3:10am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, due to "severe cuts to the budget" at work, I had to stir my coffee with a paper clip. FML

by ohno / 12/01/2011 at 9:38am / United States (Florida) / Work