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Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

#17910752
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25318) - you deserved it (7986)

On 10/05/2011 at 11:29am - kids - by Pissed (woman) - Australia

Today, at work, a customer left their cell phone behind. I tried to see if there were any pictures so that I could identify them. No, I still don't know what they look like, but I have seen their penis. FML

#14129124
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25316) - you deserved it (16970)

On 12/08/2010 at 6:47am - intimacy - by khaelian -

Today, I set up a miniature nativity scene in my apartment. Three hours ago, my dog decided it would be a good idea to eat baby Jesus. Two hours ago, the vet laughed and said not to worry because I would 'have him back in time for Christmas'. FML

#6791199
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25314) - you deserved it (5298)

On 12/17/2009 at 9:32am - animals - by gettingacat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband decided that the best way to deal with me eating the last chocolate chip muffin was to give me the silent treatment. Normally, I'd just get over his childish behavior, but we're on a fifteen hour car trip back home with our one year old. FML

#17148653
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25314) - you deserved it (5382)

On 07/17/2011 at 12:00pm - misc - by twelfinity - United States (California)

Today, I was the waiter for my family at the village inn. This wasn't so bad until I found out they left me no tip, only a napkin that said, "Get a haircut." FML

#17106364
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25314) - you deserved it (3391)

On 07/14/2011 at 10:17am - work - by alek - United States

Today, I slipped on my icy front porch, fell back and hit my head on the step. I tried to get up, but lost my balance and fell halfway into the bush next to the steps. I then looked up to see my very hot, British, Ex-Special Forces next door neighbor laughing so hard he dropped his snow shovel. FML

#7757731
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25312) - you deserved it (3089)

On 01/31/2010 at 9:12pm - misc - by youlyingjerk (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

#14570
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25310) - you deserved it (4875)

On 02/08/2009 at 3:04am - misc - by N (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I told the man I love to "go first" when we started talking at the same time. I wanted to confess my feelings, he wanted to tell me about his engagement. FML

#1517
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25308) - you deserved it (2194)

On 01/17/2009 at 9:55pm - love - by biblio - United States (Texas)

Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML

#6985807
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25307) - you deserved it (2927)

On 12/28/2009 at 1:26am - love - by KittyNeko (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend tried to serenade me with The Sex is Good by Saving Abel. According to him, "I have to fake it, I'd leave if I could. I'm not in love, but the sex is good." FML

#14521815
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25305) - you deserved it (3696)

On 01/09/2011 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML

#19754526
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25302) - you deserved it (2437)

On 06/08/2012 at 10:00am - misc - by me - United States (New York)

Today, I bought one of my favorite albums from when I was growing up. When I looked at the liner notes, I learned that my favorite song on the album wasn't about taking a bath, but about going to a brothel. My second-favorite isn't about moving, but about suicide. My childhood just shattered. FML

#13873567
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25302) - you deserved it (5538)

On 11/17/2010 at 3:08am - intimacy - by nilssonfan (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband used our last $2000 to buy himself a motorcycle. It's supposed to "save us a lot on gas money." FML

#17694243
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25301) - you deserved it (3023)

On 09/08/2011 at 1:36am - money - by julesmommy - United States (Washington)



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