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Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML

#7674410
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21560) - you deserved it (2797)

On 01/29/2010 at 1:59pm - misc - by Dana (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was forced to listen to a client rant about her lackluster sexual encounters with her husband. I was also given a rather detailed description of his manhood. Apparently, it's small. FML

Today, I freaked out because of the smell of rotting eggs lingering in my apartment. I soon discovered it was my boyfriend's feet. FML

#19453848
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21552) - you deserved it (2737)

On 04/12/2012 at 1:30am - love - by Kayla (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

#19867387
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21552) - you deserved it (6046)

On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML

#2215
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21552) - you deserved it (2408)

On 01/22/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by TotallyFkd - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

#1416648
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21549) - you deserved it (227503)

On 04/28/2009 at 7:16am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went back to work after being sick for a week. While I was gone, they hired a new manager. Trying to score bonus points, and possibly a raise, I went to shake her hand and introduce myself. Just as I was about to say "Hello, my name is-" I sneezed right in her face. FML

#13686698
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21547) - you deserved it (5582)

On 11/02/2010 at 10:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

#6910234
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21544) - you deserved it (6759)

On 12/23/2009 at 9:12pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that the 20% pay cut that the "management team" took at my job really only applied to... me. I also found out that my closest friend at work has been lying to me about it, and telling my boss everything I say. His pay was never cut. I guess it pays to be the boss's snitch. FML

#8458857
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21544) - you deserved it (2028)

On 02/19/2010 at 10:13pm - work - by monochromatic - United States (New York)

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

#18565100
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21542) - you deserved it (5347)

On 12/20/2011 at 9:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

#2979
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21541) - you deserved it (1792)

On 01/28/2009 at 6:47am - love - by uninspired - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was talking to my co-workers about how I've sadly been an orphan since an early age. One of them exclaimed, "Hey, just like Batman!" FML

#19557716
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21541) - you deserved it (4487)

On 05/01/2012 at 9:58am - work - by Nice (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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