Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

#20134163
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20904) - you deserved it (2815)

On 10/26/2012 at 12:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20901) - you deserved it (5663)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was getting ready for a party and accidentally knocked my blender off the counter. After taking a half an hour to clean up all the glass, I went upstairs to get the spare blender I keep in the closet. I tripped, and broke the blender. I just applied for a waitressing job. FML

#7115601
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20897) - you deserved it (5807)

On 01/03/2010 at 12:04am - misc - by cutiepatootie (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I successfully stopped my hair straightener from falling into a bathtub full of water by grabbing hold of the burning hot plates. FML

#20006687
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20894) - you deserved it (7092)

On 08/06/2012 at 11:08pm - health - by anonymous - Australia

Today, I gave my two weeks notice at work. My boss sighed with relief and muttered, "Thank God." FML

#13433715
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20891) - you deserved it (5712)

On 10/13/2010 at 12:42pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had my first ice skating lesson. I had to wait 5 years for a rink to open in my town, 2 weeks for my lessons to begin, but only 10 minutes to fall and hit my tailbone so hard that I can't walk. FML

#8300373
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20888) - you deserved it (3625)

On 02/15/2010 at 1:40pm - health - by skatergrrrl (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML

#18988836
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20888) - you deserved it (2920)

On 02/04/2012 at 12:22am - health - by foxyreegan - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML

#20165046
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20886) - you deserved it (2780)

On 11/16/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by grocerystalker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

#19411033
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20884) - you deserved it (11952)

On 04/05/2012 at 7:29am - misc - by Nadaz (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

#20083631
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20884) - you deserved it (8826)

On 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm - kids - by SadDad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, the mailman delivered my new phone to my neighbour's house. This was okay, because he left a note in my mailbox informing me so. Now my crazy neighbour won't give me the package because, "*I* signed for it!" FML

#19673305
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20883) - you deserved it (1448)

On 05/24/2012 at 3:30pm - misc - by Byebye - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

#17709124
583 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20882) - you deserved it (236117)

On 09/10/2011 at 2:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

#19129332
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20882) - you deserved it (24618)

On 02/21/2012 at 3:10am - intimacy - by desperate905 - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: