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Today, I got a nose piercing. I was asleep at the time in my backyard, and the piercer was a snake. FML

Today, my mother and I were driving through Del Taco. Instead of ordering "Macho Diet Coke", she said "Macho Diet Cock". After correcting herself and pulling up to the window, the employee who goes to my high school gave her the drink and his phone number. FML

#7898835
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27235) - you deserved it (2660)

On 02/05/2010 at 2:52am - misc - by MachoFluster (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML

#19948729
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27234) - you deserved it (2677)

On 07/17/2012 at 3:19am - love - by lovealways22 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend that my baby now has fingernails. Her response was, "You're beginning to sound like a pro-life bumper sticker." FML

#16031516
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27232) - you deserved it (20134)

On 05/03/2011 at 11:41am - misc - by CRH (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I came home and told my mom that I got the lead in the school musical, which I was very happy about. She pulled me into a hug then said, "But you know you can't really sing, right?" FML

#18644293
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27232) - you deserved it (2891)

On 12/29/2011 at 1:39pm - misc - by tickle spunk - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

#15290209
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27231) - you deserved it (14501)

On 03/13/2011 at 3:39am - misc - by Sparks (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad wants me to spray a wasp nest, because I'm the fittest family member and can run the fastest. The wasps are already angry, and I'm allergic to them. FML

#20052266
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27232) - you deserved it (1762)

On 09/01/2012 at 10:09am - health - by iliveintexas - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

#21398912
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27231) - you deserved it (12860)

On 04/24/2015 at 7:38am - intimacy - by Sexless from Texas - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that my parents never ground me as a punishment because I don't get out enough for it to matter. FML

#13676187
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27229) - you deserved it (5770)

On 11/01/2010 at 4:10pm - misc - by evilparents (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money. FML

#18922486
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27228) - you deserved it (3191)

On 01/27/2012 at 1:54am - money - by dust - Japan

Today, I bought a brand new huge leather recliner. After laying down and watching football for some time, I sit up and hear a loud shatter. My iPhone was crushed by the mechanics of the chair after it slipped out of my pocket. FML

#8080103
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27227) - you deserved it (8103)

On 02/10/2010 at 2:54am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

#513
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27226) - you deserved it (6527)

On 12/14/2008 at 8:14am - intimacy - by james - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

#16078669
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27226) - you deserved it (3529)

On 05/07/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by K. - United States (Florida)



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