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Today, after getting up to press snooze on my alarm clock, I climbed back into bed. When I went to reach for the covers quickly because I was cold, I missed, yet still managed to pull back my fist with force punching myself in the face. I now have a bloody fat lip. FML

#15702397
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22966) - you deserved it (11849)

On 04/09/2011 at 12:01am - health - by FistFighter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my cat didn't quite manage to eat the whole turkey because it was frozen. He just licked it all over. FML

#615
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22964) - you deserved it (4594)

On 12/28/2008 at 2:02am - animals - by bundie - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was told to shovel four inches of snow from my driveway. I had to get the snow shovel from the rafters of my garage, and there were other tools with it. As I was yanking the shovel down, a pickax fell and smashed through the back window of my dad's Buick. FML

#7016410
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22962) - you deserved it (5232)

On 12/29/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by Charlie8u347 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML

#7518745
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22962) - you deserved it (3050)

On 01/23/2010 at 11:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML

#18078433
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22963) - you deserved it (3146)

On 10/26/2011 at 2:36am - work - by insanitycalling - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while at the beach, my little brother's hat blew off. I chased after it before I completely lost sight and realized I was no match for the wind. I get back and he's wearing the hat. I chased a fucking trash bag for a mile thinking it was his hat. FML

#17729862
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22960) - you deserved it (9704)

On 09/12/2011 at 6:32pm - misc - by justhereforlaughs (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother scare the literal shit out of me, in Walmart. FML

#19532255
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22961) - you deserved it (2240)

On 04/26/2012 at 1:29pm - health - by crazyk2468 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I pointed out to my girlfriend that she wasn't jealous. She replied, "Well actually, I am, I just can't prove it cause no one else is interested in you". FML

#466
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22959) - you deserved it (3488)

On 12/08/2008 at 2:26am - love - by Numou - Sent from mobile version

Today, I discovered something more dangerous than drivers who text: drivers who break your car windows with a bat while stopped at a red light. FML

#19514212
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22959) - you deserved it (1845)

On 04/22/2012 at 11:00pm - misc - by AngryLittleMan - United States

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

#5847643
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22958) - you deserved it (5826)

On 10/16/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by rugernut13 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML

#17954087
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22959) - you deserved it (2637)

On 10/10/2011 at 7:11pm - love - by crapedup - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

#13145145
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22956) - you deserved it (6730)

On 09/21/2010 at 6:16pm - health - by forgotten (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML

#737
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22952) - you deserved it (5164)

On 01/07/2009 at 10:25am - love - by beno - United States (Texas)



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