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Today, while at my cosmetics job, an elderly lady came up to me asking for a product. I told her we had a smaller size and a larger size for a better deal. She told me she wanted the smaller size because she'd "probably be dead" before she finished that one. I laughed. She was serious. FML

by Anonymous / 06/10/2012 at 4:47am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

by whoslade / 06/28/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

by thjeltz / 10/27/2010 at 2:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

by Vlen / 05/23/2015 at 10:38pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML

by idonthavereligion / 05/29/2015 at 12:16am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I have to reschedule my upcoming honeymoon because my office will be understaffed that week, due to the boss going on vacation right after my wedding. Oh, yeah, and he's in my bridal party. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2011 at 11:24pm / United States (Connecticut) / Holidays

Today, my mother found out about the psychology exam I have to take tomorrow. Before leaving for her vacation this morning, she grabbed the internet router and took it with her to "get rid of distractions". I have one day to figure out how to access this online exam without Internet. FML

by getting real crafty.. / 07/05/2015 at 11:51am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said "I'm just smart". She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2010 at 2:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

by Redhead4life / 03/17/2012 at 8:48pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, while mowing my backyard, I carelessly ran over a fire ant hill. Thousands of tiny stinging insects blowing towards you while you're wearing shorts and a t-shirt is definitely not fun. FML

by Mitchellbassists / 04/17/2015 at 11:27am / United States (Ohio) / Health

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

by houdini / 02/02/2009 at 7:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

by ConfusedDad / 12/29/2013 at 2:01am / United States / Kids

Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all this, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2009 at 9:04am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy