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Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

#7070620
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20948) - you deserved it (3510)

On 01/01/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by welted (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

#6708015
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20948) - you deserved it (6257)

On 12/11/2009 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by badbed (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

#12195
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20947) - you deserved it (26203)

On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had eight teeth removed in preparation for getting my braces fitted. My winter break will now consists of barely being able to sleep or eat, tasting blood, and looking like a goofy-ass chipmunk. FML

#19900081
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20946) - you deserved it (2029)

On 07/06/2012 at 1:11pm - misc - by Julie is in pain (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

#13154158
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20945) - you deserved it (3447)

On 09/22/2010 at 8:11am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Japan

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

#20397555
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20944) - you deserved it (2705)

On 12/13/2012 at 3:01am - love - by Hit-and-Run - Mexico (Chihuahua)

Today, I'm the only one at work in a small office. The water tank sprung a leak. Guess who had to call the boss and get instructions via cell phone to turn it off? I can't even leave the office to change my soaked clothes, because I need to wait for an important phone call. Seven hours to go. FML

#13234254
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20942) - you deserved it (2035)

On 09/28/2010 at 10:03am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML

#20119554
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20938) - you deserved it (1215)

On 10/16/2012 at 12:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

#132176
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20937) - you deserved it (37567)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by riappp (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got home from a small vacation. Before I left, I set up cameras in my room to see if my roommate was stealing my money. Turns out she wasn't. However, she does borrow my personal "adult toy" whenever I'm out. FML

#6213926
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20937) - you deserved it (3367)

On 11/08/2009 at 4:11pm - intimacy - by grossedout (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML

#8509840
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20936) - you deserved it (6638)

On 02/21/2010 at 6:52am - intimacy - by foutu - Sent from mobile version

Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML

#4457
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20936) - you deserved it (9827)

On 02/01/2009 at 3:11am - love - by FractalSanity - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML

#19484961
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20936) - you deserved it (1597)

On 04/17/2012 at 4:53pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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