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Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

#18957870
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21439) - you deserved it (2534)

On 01/31/2012 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

#21097153
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21439) - you deserved it (35827)

On 03/26/2014 at 6:39pm - health - by athletiks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, taking the train to work after the worst hangover ever, two immense fat women start talking about rim jobs. I got up to switch cabins just in time for their conversation to switch over to RECEIVING rim jobs. I sprayed puke all over myself and an innocent bystander. FML

#857
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21434) - you deserved it (3742)

On 01/08/2009 at 6:21am - health - by depraved - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got woken up by Hallelujah blasting outside my apartment windows for 30 minutes straight. FML

#12636140
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21429) - you deserved it (3413)

On 08/20/2010 at 12:06am - misc - by notyoueallie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Too bad he has never once made me orgasm in the two and a half years we've been together. FML

#8586594
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21427) - you deserved it (6507)

On 02/23/2010 at 11:48am - intimacy - by jasmine - United States

Today, I was fired because a 10-year-old shat his pants and couldn't follow directions. FML

#17614245
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21427) - you deserved it (2560)

On 08/29/2011 at 6:05pm - work - by dck128 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after feeling a little down about myself and looking for comfort from my boyfriend, he told me that my stretch marks make me look like a tiger. FML

#19967634
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21428) - you deserved it (3193)

On 07/21/2012 at 11:08am - love - by marquez_jasmine - Canada (Ontario)

Today, we had our first rainstorm in weeks. Thirty seconds before it started, my window broke in the "down" position from overuse, since last week the air conditioning in my car gave out. Now I have a hot, wet car. FML

#12431823
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21425) - you deserved it (2760)

On 08/10/2010 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to X-ray an 81 year old lady. The clothes she was wearing would show up on the X-ray so I had to make her change into a gown. I found out the hard way that 81 year olds still go commando. FML

#8369327
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21425) - you deserved it (2601)

On 02/17/2010 at 7:50am - work - by ugamayne - United States (Maryland)

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

#20941762
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21422) - you deserved it (50248)

On 11/01/2013 at 7:55pm - health - by nl4 (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I tried to convince my daughter that the "To boldly go where no man has gone before" speech is from Star Trek, and is not an actual historical speech by the first man on the moon. She has decided to include it in her university essay on Neil Armstrong anyway. FML

Today, I was pretending to talk on the phone with my wife just to avoid to speak with my boring coworker. After two awkward minutes of him waiting in front of my desk and me inventing a call, he handed me the disconnected phone cable and left. FML

Today, my boyfriend decided to piss in the shower while I was standing next to him. I did not mind, until I realised the water flows away incredibly slowly. I had to stand in his piss while the shower filled itself with the sweet odor of fresh urine. FML



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