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Today, I found out that I have a warrant for my arrest, because I was fishing without a fishing license. FML

#17249343
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15829) - you deserved it (20644)

On 07/25/2011 at 1:43am - misc - by handyman13 - United States

Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML

#20193519
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15829) - you deserved it (2664)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:30am - misc - by chinousmc - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend of two years kept digging around in his belly button and smelling his fingers. At one point he shoved his fingers in my face and told me to smell his belly button. He's 27 years old. FML

#19200662
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15827) - you deserved it (2894)

On 03/02/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by smellybelly (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was at work at Panera. A blind woman came in, ordered and said other blind people were going to come in soon, because they were having a meeting. Later, a man comes in and ask if any other blind people had showed up. I told him there was just one in here wearing a blue shirt. FML

#697530
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15826) - you deserved it (81110)

On 03/30/2009 at 2:18am - misc - by superstar (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

#122747
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15821) - you deserved it (43323)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:47pm - kids - by ripdivine (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went out for a few drinks with some friends. All night, I kept smiling and showing off my newly brace-free teeth. Later on, one of my friends drunkly asked, "Why does she keep smiling? Her teeth are fucking jacked." FML

#20122439
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15818) - you deserved it (1676)

On 10/18/2012 at 12:26pm - health - by murp (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my crazy mother-in-law threatened to camp out outside my house so she will "never get left out" of our lives, all because we called instead of sending a written invitation to my three-year-old's birthday party. I actually believe she's crazy enough to do it. FML

#20079097
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15815) - you deserved it (1282)

On 09/19/2012 at 10:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the bus, when the inspector asked to see my ticket. I couldn't find it, and ended up being kicked off the bus while a few of the other passengers jeered at me. I found my ticket on the long walk home, buried in my pocket. FML

#19288997
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15815) - you deserved it (3520)

On 03/16/2012 at 2:41pm - misc - by fuck the fucking cops (man) - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, while on the road I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up and pissing off several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML

#3136598
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15813) - you deserved it (38273)

On 06/23/2009 at 12:44am - animals - by Xtine (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while in bed with my game obsessed girlfriend, she told me I was a "noob" in bed. FML

#8455591
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15814) - you deserved it (5407)

On 02/19/2010 at 8:47pm - intimacy - by anonymous - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

#20147226
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15814) - you deserved it (10675)

On 11/04/2012 at 12:12pm - animals - by spiderwoman (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I saw him with another woman. I confronted both of them in screaming rage "What the fuck? Are you cheating on me with this ugly slut?" They were in shock. Turns out it was his cousin visiting from New Jersey, he was gonna introduce us at dinner. FML

#300498
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15811) - you deserved it (174203)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:18am - love - by nowthatsfcked (woman) - Canada

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

#20071794
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15805) - you deserved it (1599)

On 09/14/2012 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Otago)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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