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Today, my new prescription medicine for my chronic acne did in fact work. It worked by inflaming the skin around my zits so that they blended in. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought a brand new huge leather recliner. After laying down and watching football for some time, I sit up and hear a loud shatter. My iPhone was crushed by the mechanics of the chair after it slipped out of my pocket. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2010 at 2:54am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent my boyfriend a naughty pic. I then asked him if there was anything else he wanted before I got dressed. His reply? "No it's fine." FML

by Rejection / 05/04/2010 at 3:33am / Intimacy

Today, I noticed that whenever I don't give the homeless guy around the corner some money, my side mirrors get stolen. FML

Today, I was feeling confident enough to approach a guy by asking the bartender if I could buy him a refill of whatever he was drinking. He was drinking water. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, it was my birthday. I finally got the PS3 I've been asking for, for a long time. When I opened the box, I didn't find a PS3, but a bunch of clothes that my mom put in my brother's PS3 box. FML

by Shauna / 11/10/2012 at 4:02am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was invited to a fancy-shmancy charity event, and the host - my friend - told me to wear a long, ballroom, fancy gown. Turns out my friend was just being a dick and it was a pool party. I spent $200 on my hair and makeup alone. FML

by ssondik / 06/21/2015 at 8:50pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

by hakuna matata / 10/31/2012 at 6:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm stuck in a taxi cab while the driver listens to a radio show about sex fetishes. Can't wait to look him in the eye as I pay him. FML

by jojolee68 / 02/28/2015 at 2:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my birthday. My dad came to pick me up, but after I had put my backpack in the back seat and closed the car door, he drove off without me. It started to rain, and I was without my phone or wallet. FML

by poisongrl / 09/06/2011 at 6:53pm / Macedonia (Karpos) / Transportation

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

by whoslade / 06/28/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, before going to bed my phone lit up and I got all excited because I thought it was a text message. My phone was finished charging. FML

by nolove / 05/03/2009 at 10:12pm / Canada / Geek

Today, my boss texted me to say the office was closed because of the snow. I begged him to let me go in anyway because I had nothing to do all day. I have no life, friends or hobbies. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 9:13am / United Kingdom / Work