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Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

by hakuna matata / 10/31/2012 at 6:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a small child take a really bad fall off his scooter, so I got rid of my cigarette and ran to help him. I asked him if he was alright, or if I could walk him to his house. He replied "I'm okay, but your dress is on fire." It was. FML

by Laura / 09/21/2010 at 8:31pm / United States / Kids

Today, I went to the ER for extremely heavy bleeding related to my IUD birth control. They decided the best thing to do was remove it. An exam, two ultrasounds, and three x-rays later, the doctor comes back to tell me what's going on. Yeah, they can't find it. FML

Today, I got stuck in the snow in the middle of street. As I was just beginning to get myself unstuck, the snow plow came by and buried the front end of my car. FML

by HoHoSnow / 12/08/2009 at 10:03pm / United States (Nebraska) / Transportation

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

by afraidtosleep / 10/13/2012 at 2:35am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my mother found out about the psychology exam I have to take tomorrow. Before leaving for her vacation this morning, she grabbed the internet router and took it with her to "get rid of distractions". I have one day to figure out how to access this online exam without Internet. FML

by getting real crafty.. / 07/05/2015 at 11:51am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to motivate myself to workout by looking at a picture of a guy with a six-pack on my computer screen while doing abs. My dad walked in after I finished and was still breathing heavily from working out. FML

by NotGay / 06/16/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing with my dog, when she started sniffing my face. Jokingly, I got up and started to sniff her face back and asked "Yeah, how do you like that?" She replied by biting into my face. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2013 at 1:47am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

by pukeytimes / 04/10/2015 at 7:03pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got yelled at by one of my bosses. The reason? I was yawning. I work at Starbucks. Apparently I wasn't 'promoting' correctly. FML

by nichaneely / 01/21/2010 at 12:29am / United States (Tennessee) / Work

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

by Sexless from Texas / 04/24/2015 at 7:38am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my dad spent a full half hour trying to convince me that Judaism is a race. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2011 at 6:02pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

by nerderer / 06/04/2015 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals