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The all-time greatest FMLs

By anonyme62 - 13/04/2015 09:51 - Cameroon - Ringo

Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long time, but as I also needed to go, I went to check on him. He was trying to urinate into the condom, “just to see what it was like.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 93

Unhappy birthday

By gaah! - 09/07/2022 00:00

Today, it's my birthday. My spouse got into a fight, ending a relationship with a friend. They're laying around, unable to move due to panic attacks. I'm exhausted from being dragged unwillingly into things. The birthday messages feel like a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 154

Yup, cool

By fiddlercrab - 10/11/2022 22:00

Today, I had the pleasure of having a kidney stones removal procedure where they hammer your kidneys to break up the stones. Afterwards, the doctor called my wife over the intercom to come to back to the waiting room. She freaks out, runs back, and the doctor says, “I just wanted to show this stone. Cool huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 124

It's close enough

By Jaymail - 17/08/2020 08:01

Today, after many hours studying a complete course of Spanish, I felt really good. I had accomplished something, something I could really use next week when I fly to Mexico on vacation. Then I found out what I had learned was Spanish as they speak it in Spain, not how they speak it in Latin America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 1 187

Best gift ever

By Vanessa - 04/02/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, my toddler gave me what I thought was a ball of melted chocolate. I held it and sniffed it to be sure… It was a freaking ball of her poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 238

Where's the beef?

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 14:03

Today, I was supposed to be let the bull out of the trailer and head straight home. Someone didn't latch the gate, so it just walked through between pastures. The bull and a cow went through, a horse broke into the cow lot, and another horse had a meltdown and wiped out in mud after trying to jump the fence. I don't like beef cattle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 188

In for the long haul

By Sick - 24/12/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I'm trying to sleep off a cold as my roommate plays video games in his adjacent room. He doesn't rage or get excited often, and he can control it even more if he really needs to, but it's still enough to keep me painfully awake, along with my cold. Every minute feels like an eternity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 215

Workers of the world unite

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 20:01

Today, my initial unemployment benefits ran out. Yesterday, the extended benefits ran out for my entire state too, so I'll see $0 assistance. But it could be worse, they're also taking back 7 million $ from extended benefits receivers, so at least I'm not having money taken away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 155

Recruitment hell

By aidenti - 23/10/2023 20:00

Today, I've applied to 300 jobs in the past 4 months, gotten 7 interview, 2 of which have gone to a third round and I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 95

My feefees

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 00:00

Today, I beat my boyfriend at chess, whilst also doing my homework and cooking dinner, and he got upset about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 137

Man meat

By Anonymous - 13/01/2022 14:01

Today, I discovered my boyfriend gets lunch every day at Burger King. I confronted him, and he broke up with me. Apparently, he only pretended to be vegan like me to get in my pants, and now the jig is up he dumped me so he can return to having meat at all three meals of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 1 875

Wasps can **** right off

By Anonymous - 16/08/2023 18:00

Today, a wasp flew straight up my nose and stung inside my nose and my upper lip about 8 times. I would very much like to be put in a medically-induced coma right now, but the emergency room nurse thinks I'm joking. I’m very much not joking, I want to be unconscious ASAP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 125

You must conform!

By Anonymous - 29/06/2023 15:00

Today, my personal trainer fired me. Why? Because I wanted to focus on strength training, not weight loss, and refused to track my carb intake or fasting hours or "hold off on carbs til the optimal time of day." Nice to know I'm not allowed to be satisfied with my own weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 284

Library time

By Anonymous - 23/05/2021 14:00

Today, after a long day, I decided to study. I was so tired and anxious that I couldn't. When I actually started, a neighbour started making a hole in his wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 125

Scared

By Anonymous - 29/01/2022 14:01

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never seems to have his own opinion, always agrees with me, and does whatever I want. That’s when he admitted he’s scared of me and is terrified of saying or doing anything I won’t like. I have no idea what I did to scare him this badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 549

Surprise!

By Idiot - 26/05/2019 02:00

Today, I was in a store with my mom. I wandered off, then walked around looking for her. I spotted her, and decided to put on a ski mask to give her a scare for a laugh. I hid around a corner and yelled "BOO!" when I saw her. It wasn't my mom, and I'm now banned from that store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 2 307

Sorry

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 18:00

Today, I finally got my forklift license after training for a week. Almost eight hours later, I lost my license by not lowering my forks, crashing into and destroying four overhead light fixtures which cost more than $500 in damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 3 040

Love is blind

By Blinded - 23/09/2022 11:30 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I finally figured out who my girlfriend reminds me of when she wears her glasses: the character Newman from Seinfeld. I can't unsee it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 192

Is this legal?

By John Trent - 06/09/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Trowbridge

Today, at my grandad's funeral, as my dad and aunt poured his ashes into the hole, a strong gust of wind blew the ashes into my throat. I choked on my grandad. What made it worse was that the vicar had to stop her prayer to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 123

Masterchef

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 22:01

Today, I'm 3 months pregnant and have seemingly started having sex dreams about other men. Last night, I had a passionate affair with an older man. Who was it? Joe Bastianich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 222

Slight issue

By Alex - 11/04/2026 12:00 - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I sit alone in a nearly empty apartment, drinking from a whiskey bottle. Two weeks ago, my wife and I were ready to welcome our first child… except the little bastard was the wrong color, and my wife's hysterical tears told me everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 89

Tachycardia

By Anonymous - 05/08/2023 04:00

Today, after a three day hospitalization, four weeks of a new heart med, no alcohol and no caffeine, my heart rhythm was finally back on track. That is until some a-hole teens decided that banging loudly on my door and running away was hilarious. Oh well, back to square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 108

Wow, thanks, I'm cured

By Anonymous - 07/02/2021 14:01 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I vented to my friend about how unhappy I am and how I want to kill myself. What did she say? "Don't do that." That was it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 264

Please leave

By Anonymous - 14/06/2023 00:02

Today, it’s been two weeks since my partner invited his sad sack best friend to temporarily move in. I hate his guts. Apparently his mother’s house, which he still lived in, has mold damage and they don’t know how long it will take to repair. Oh, and his quack doctor prescribed him literal dirt to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 154

Capitalism, baby!

By Anonymous - 10/02/2021 16:58 - United States

Today, it's day three of my dad not shutting up and still complaining about the Super Bowl commercials being "too woke". FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 237

Pain in the ass

By Anonymous - 18/06/2021 04:01 - United States - Greenville

Today, I awoke to an excruciating pain in my back from sleeping in the same position all night. I can't wipe my own ass. I've already gone to shit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 134

Stink pits in the heat

By rie - 22/08/2021 16:01

Today, as always, I had to change clothes and reapply my deodorant as soon as I got to work. It’s only a kilometre walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 129

Hogwatch

By PlanB - 27/06/2024 12:00 - United States - Miami

Today, my mom disowned me and kicked me out of the house, all because I used Plan B to terminate a potential pregnancy after I had unprotected sex. She actually packed a suitcase and duffle-bag for me, told me to hit the road, and to never come back. She told me she’d call the police for trespassing if I didn’t comply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 255

Unpleasant, but clean

By deathparty352 - 12/10/2019 04:00

Today, I'd had enough of the excrement sticking in my butt hair. Now that I'm shaved, I feel my buttocks rubbing together. With every step. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 1 472

Dogshit code

By Gunaditya Tripathi - 14/08/2021 10:01 - India

Today, one of my colleagues was asked to rewrite an entire project, which I wrote last week. I'd spent more than 4 days writing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 178

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The Top

Today, the woman I babysat for blamed me for the cut on her son's face, and fired me with no pay for not looking after him properly. He already had the cut when I arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 876

You deserved it 3 154

Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 512

You deserved it 5 241

Today, I finally finished my 500 page manuscript and so went out to buy some paper to print it off. I get back home and find out my dad has infected my computer with a virus and the only way to save it was to wipe the hard drive, which he did. That script took me a year and I have no backup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 918

You deserved it 27 937

Today, my girlfriend of almost 5 years (who broke up with me only a week or so ago) told me that she's been speaking to one of my best friends and sees a future with him instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 320

You deserved it 191

Today, I was so sad and lonely that I drunkenly masturbated to Game of Thrones scenes featuring Petyr Baelish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 931

Today, my boyfriend, and father of my son, announced that he’s leaving me for my best friend. His reasoning is that he feels bad that she’s a single mom. When I pointed out that by him leaving me, I’ll also be a single mom, he responded with, "But at least she has her pre-pregnancy body back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 179