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Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

#19684579
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15845) - you deserved it (2577)

On 05/26/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by Dom - South Africa (Eastern Cape)

Today, a girl I work with was talking to me in an Eeyore voice. I'm not sure if it's because she's sad and pathetic, or if she thinks I'm sad and pathetic. FML

#13155074
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15844) - you deserved it (3174)

On 09/22/2010 at 10:36am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML

#19457431
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15842) - you deserved it (5784)

On 04/12/2012 at 7:53pm - misc - by questionmark707 (man) - United States (California)

Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML

#20048023
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15842) - you deserved it (1403)

On 08/29/2012 at 3:19pm - work - by Pooping - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

#20096548
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15843) - you deserved it (4799)

On 10/01/2012 at 8:50am - misc - by awks - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

#3102
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15841) - you deserved it (3142)

On 01/28/2009 at 2:51pm - love - by vidzgrl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML

#19731435
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15841) - you deserved it (5613)

On 06/04/2012 at 6:13am - love - by Ladycakes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML

#19597798
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15838) - you deserved it (1320)

On 05/09/2012 at 2:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

#20000913
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15836) - you deserved it (1569)

On 08/03/2012 at 7:50pm - misc - by yeah okay then (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML

#1288123
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15835) - you deserved it (54435)

On 04/24/2009 at 12:40pm - love - by cole (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw what I thought was a spider. Wanting to kill it as quickly as possible, I smacked my hand against the wall with force. It was a nail. FML

#17843188
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15837) - you deserved it (25935)

On 09/26/2011 at 10:03pm - health - by Jesus (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML

#11834698
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15835) - you deserved it (23700)

On 07/12/2010 at 7:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally asked some friends to read the beginning of a novel that I'd been slaving away at. One of them said it was the literary equivalent of aquarium gravel. Another asked if I'd been sniffing boot polish while writing it. FML

#19493868
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15833) - you deserved it (3859)

On 04/19/2012 at 12:46am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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