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Today, I got dressed up for the first time in days to go have sushi with a friend. When I walked out to my car, I noticed that the passenger window was shattered and the car robbed. What's worse is I'd forgotten to lock the side doors anyway. FML

by markyvilla / 04/14/2011 at 9:09pm / United States / Transportation

Today, I was doing my grocery shopping, absent-mindedly wondering if my new diet was working. I got my answer when my panties fell down around my ankles. FML

by knickersdontfit / 01/26/2011 at 12:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I found out that I have to reschedule my upcoming honeymoon because my office will be understaffed that week, due to the boss going on vacation right after my wedding. Oh, yeah, and he's in my bridal party. FML

by Anonymous / 01/27/2011 at 11:24pm / United States (Connecticut) / Holidays

Today, the snowblower found my lost phone. FML

by cs / 02/12/2011 at 9:21pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 1:02pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

by Jessica / 08/21/2012 at 4:21am / United States / Kids

Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school, so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs and said, "make them fatter". FML

by humiliated / 01/14/2011 at 11:28am / United Kingdom (East Ayrshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2015 at 11:28am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered out of the 20 job applications only one job called me for an interview. They told me to leave after two sentences. FML

by jobless / 02/13/2011 at 12:31am / United States (North Dakota) / Work

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 7:48am / France (Picardie) / Love

Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money. FML

by dust / 01/27/2012 at 1:54am / Japan / Transportation

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

by Birdwatcher / 09/18/2012 at 12:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

by blahblah / 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous