Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML

#8130787
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22957) - you deserved it (5664)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:42pm - misc - by tammyg - United States

Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML

#13145145
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22957) - you deserved it (6731)

On 09/21/2010 at 6:16pm - health - by forgotten (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML

#737
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22956) - you deserved it (5164)

On 01/07/2009 at 10:25am - love - by beno - United States (Texas)

Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML

#19812569
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22955) - you deserved it (15203)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm - misc - by Shelby - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

#20176987
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22954) - you deserved it (2375)

On 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm - love - by Eganstein (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

#4880927
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22952) - you deserved it (54273)

On 08/28/2009 at 11:08am - love - by fmlll (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

#19655658
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22952) - you deserved it (7138)

On 05/21/2012 at 1:56am - intimacy - by morethanredhands -

Today, I was attacked by a bird at 3 in the morning. The bird was being attacked by an owl, and decided the safest place to land wasn't in a tree, but my face. No-one will believe me, despite the 12 stitches across my face. FML

#19026198
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22952) - you deserved it (1836)

On 02/08/2012 at 12:45pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my boss reported to the police that a suspicious car has been parked outside the store late at night. I walked outside and my car was gone. He had my car towed. FML

#19037206
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22953) - you deserved it (1866)

On 02/09/2012 at 8:49pm - misc - by truth - United States

Today, I removed all my online dating profiles. Apparently my ex-husband finds stalking me online preferable to spending time with his new girlfriend. FML

#13270090
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22951) - you deserved it (2665)

On 09/30/2010 at 10:54pm - misc - by anon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out I sleepwalk. How you might ask? By awakening the moment just before I fell from the stairs. I was better off sleeping. FML

#12687982
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22949) - you deserved it (2180)

On 08/22/2010 at 7:51pm - misc - by Eloy Ymer - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, for the 5th day in a row, I had to keep my 7-year-old home from school and search his poop because he "forgot" he's not supposed to swallow things like, in this case, a screw that fell off his scooter. FML

#17735426
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22950) - you deserved it (3619)

On 09/13/2011 at 9:43am - misc - by OopsMonkey - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding". This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML

#18095179
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22947) - you deserved it (2262)

On 10/28/2011 at 7:50am - misc - by -__- - Australia (Queensland)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #12
  • Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you…

Tuesday 3 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: