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Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML

#21328812
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27148) - you deserved it (7461)

On 01/01/2015 at 6:02pm - misc - by CK95 - United States

Today, my boss texted me to say the office was closed because of the snow. I begged him to let me go in anyway because I had nothing to do all day. I have no life, friends or hobbies. FML

#14118348
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27148) - you deserved it (11790)

On 12/07/2010 at 9:13am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML

#19907709
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27147) - you deserved it (3761)

On 07/08/2012 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all this, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML

#6116974
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27145) - you deserved it (4850)

On 11/02/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got an expensive return bus ticket to visit my family 200 miles away. I accidentally tore the ticket when taking it from the machine, but the driver said not to worry, as it would still be accepted on the way back. Guess who's still 200 miles from home. FML

#21386064
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27143) - you deserved it (2394)

On 04/01/2015 at 7:24pm - misc - by dumbbus - United Kingdom (Stockton-on-Tees)

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me out bowling. My mom was going to take us. My parents ended up bowling with us. I had a double date with my parents. FML

#8283424
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27143) - you deserved it (6077)

On 02/15/2010 at 1:14am - love - by shininghayley (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I dropped my phone in the toilet in a public restroom. That would have been bad enough, without the guy in the next stall saying, "Jesus! What the hell did you eat?!" FML

#21443162
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27142) - you deserved it (3279)

On 07/17/2015 at 7:04pm - misc - by AK-47 (man) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML

#17388987
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27140) - you deserved it (2480)

On 08/06/2011 at 5:06pm - misc - by Pinkie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

#7490681
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27140) - you deserved it (5389)

On 01/22/2010 at 12:08am - animals - by Parental (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML

#21479527
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27138) - you deserved it (5805)

On 10/13/2015 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by luckygirl - Croatia (Grad Zagreb)

Today, I found out that the cause of the recent pain in my chest was that I had a torn muscle. What caused this? I sneezed. FML

#13093344
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27138) - you deserved it (3142)

On 09/18/2010 at 12:21am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)



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