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Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smiled and waved, and then continued. So much for my new eyesight. FML

#19771597
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23306) - you deserved it (2326)

On 06/11/2012 at 4:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML

#17696779
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23305) - you deserved it (2904)

On 09/08/2011 at 2:03pm - misc - by WishIWasAWriter (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she remarked how she couldn't believe we hadn't seen each other in a year. Except not only did I attend her baby shower a few weeks ago, I spent hundreds of dollars on a unique gift. FML

#20174439
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23305) - you deserved it (2383)

On 11/22/2012 at 9:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

#21346989
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23305) - you deserved it (5685)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:51pm - kids - by 3722145 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML

#20076697
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23303) - you deserved it (2747)

On 09/17/2012 at 7:25pm - kids - by StupidBerk (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

#771
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23301) - you deserved it (3090)

On 01/01/2009 at 10:38am - health - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I've been dating a girl for a year and she's only touched my penis twice. Once by accident. FML

#1883
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23300) - you deserved it (10477)

On 01/20/2009 at 11:52am - love - by jobless - Sent from mobile version

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

#14085005
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23300) - you deserved it (5867)

On 12/04/2010 at 3:35pm - love - by Pita (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML

#18283702
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23301) - you deserved it (2993)

On 11/18/2011 at 7:48pm - work - by I quit (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, the power went out in my area. My wife and I were bored so I lit some candles, poured some wine, and left little to her imagination about what my intent was. We cuddled a while and as I leaned in for a kiss the power came back on. She was more excited that the WiFi was back than anything. FML

#19986265
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23300) - you deserved it (2019)

On 07/26/2012 at 10:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML

#13120508
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23299) - you deserved it (2466)

On 09/19/2010 at 10:13pm - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, instead of taking down the Christmas tree, my sister covered it with Valentine's Day decorations. FML

Today, I went to work only to serve one table, make a $9.00 tip, get sent home because it was slow, have the city busses stop running because of weather, and have to pay a $20 cab fare to get home. FML

#1047
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23295) - you deserved it (1488)

On 01/13/2009 at 3:54pm - love - by ren - United States (Wisconsin)



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