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Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I've been charged $600. FML

#16332593
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20980) - you deserved it (48029)

On 05/24/2011 at 8:02pm - kids - by StupidApple -

Today, I was knocked into a wall by a high-pressure water cannon suddenly kicking in. I was only going to the corner store to buy some chocolate. Probably serves me right for not noticing a small riot due to a thumping hangover. FML

#17474756
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20978) - you deserved it (6215)

On 08/14/2011 at 10:39pm - misc - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20977) - you deserved it (127849)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML

#1222534
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20976) - you deserved it (79954)

On 04/22/2009 at 1:46pm - intimacy - by Screwed (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

#2418263
452 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20974) - you deserved it (219942)

On 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was learning to drive a stick when a cop decided to pull me over just to laugh at me. FML

#19327826
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20971) - you deserved it (2857)

On 03/22/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by Chey - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

#19201903
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20968) - you deserved it (3152)

On 03/02/2012 at 10:01am - misc - by types (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML

#14482028
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20967) - you deserved it (10188)

On 01/06/2011 at 1:34am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I learned the hard way that my foundation shows up under a black light. At a black light party. No one told me until afterwards. Everyone took pictures. FML

#8492061
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20966) - you deserved it (4296)

On 02/20/2010 at 8:52pm - misc - by makeuuuuup (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

#6708015
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20964) - you deserved it (6258)

On 12/11/2009 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by badbed (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I was working the cash register. While helping a customer with her groceries, my bra snapped. I then had to ask my male boss if I could staple it back together. Thirty minutes later it snapped again. I then had to explain to my boss that I was too broke to buy a new one. FML

#20050418
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20964) - you deserved it (2032)

On 08/31/2012 at 1:23am - misc - by thatgirl17 - United States

Today, I cut my own bangs. I pulled too much hair to the front and ended up giving myself a mullet. FML

#20733203
123 comments

Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML

#6456555
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20964) - you deserved it (11075)

On 11/26/2009 at 12:31am - intimacy - by ehwat (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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