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Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

#19030539
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20613) - you deserved it (9297)

On 02/08/2012 at 10:24pm - work - by Silver_Samurai (man) - Netherlands

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

#19066178
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20615) - you deserved it (4150)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:31pm - kids - by Username - India

Today, I accidentally downloaded a virus, which hijacked my email program. I somehow doubt the Dean at my university will thank me for my suggestion that he too could experience 100% natural male enhancement pills. FML

#8874142
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20611) - you deserved it (5283)

On 03/06/2010 at 5:44pm - misc - by smarie09 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I realized the only reason why my boyfriend spends the night with me is because my house is closer to his job than his, and so he saves money on gas. FML

#20107548
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20606) - you deserved it (2549)

On 10/08/2012 at 2:57pm - love - by habsgurl0622 - United States (Alabama)

Today, while attempting a DIY pest removal, one of our tenants lit a skunk on fire. FML

#8956566
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20605) - you deserved it (2387)

On 03/09/2010 at 9:07pm - misc - by Al (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to my first party, hoping to maybe meet some people. I was there for 4 hours, and the person/thing that I interacted most with was a cat. FML

#19009363
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20605) - you deserved it (6256)

On 02/06/2012 at 10:32am - misc - by haileypaige123 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a patient at the hospital I work at had a tracheal tube and couldn't speak. I'm unable to read lips, but I'm pretty sure he was mouthing the words 'stupid bitch' every time I tried to stop him from pulling out his IV. FML

#14642325
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20605) - you deserved it (2272)

On 01/19/2011 at 7:52pm - work - by sirenmario -

Today, I realized that I hadn't seen my video camera in a while. After searching for several minutes in my room, I remembered that I had given it to my dad to hide before our month long trip (so even if someone broke into the house the video camera would be safe). He's forgotten where he hid it. FML

#12715799
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20600) - you deserved it (8453)

On 08/24/2010 at 3:25am - misc - by lostvideo - Israel (Yerushalayim)

Today, a train hit me. A slow mini-train full of kindergartners who were on a tour of the museum I was visiting. FML

#19004597
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20601) - you deserved it (5683)

On 02/05/2012 at 9:14pm - health - by MahSquito (man) - United States

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

#1423979
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20599) - you deserved it (57692)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:47pm - misc - by fuckspellcheck (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to help the homeless by giving them old clothes and food. In return, they decided to mug me. FML

#20008267
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20600) - you deserved it (2505)

On 08/07/2012 at 7:45pm - misc - by HazzaBoo - United States

Today, I've been diagnosed with a severe lung infection. This causes me to viciously hack up a lung every two minutes or so. Not only can I barely breathe as it is, my job requires lots of running around, cleaning and interacting with customers. I have a five-hour shift tonight. FML

#19529513
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20594) - you deserved it (2032)

On 04/25/2012 at 9:27pm - health - by MissMae93 (woman) - United States

Today, I kissed a boy for the first time in over a year. It was at drama club practice, and he quickly ended up asking the director if we could remove that scene from the play. FML

#20114767
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20594) - you deserved it (2246)

On 10/13/2012 at 9:38am - misc - by pinkfreak94 - United States (Ohio)



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