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Today, my intern was given his own office. I have been asking to move out of my cubicle for nearly four years. FML

#21434251
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24913) - you deserved it (2086)

On 06/30/2015 at 5:57am - work - by bosslady (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, while working at the zoo, I noticed a boy throwing candy into the warthog's exhibit. The fastest way to get there was to go through the exhibit, and speak to the kid from inside. I must have said three words when a lollipop hit me in the eye. Then the warthog peed on me. FML

#18556039
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24913) - you deserved it (3828)

On 12/19/2011 at 7:56pm - work - by jigglypuff100 (woman) - United States

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

#18519378
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24914) - you deserved it (5600)

On 12/15/2011 at 12:30pm - misc - by Grubendol - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML

#18853779
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24913) - you deserved it (7753)

On 01/19/2012 at 3:19pm - health - by ohforcheese - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML

#21366785
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24913) - you deserved it (12136)

On 03/02/2015 at 7:48pm - misc - by Microtron - United States (Ohio)

Today, while at a restaurant with my boyfriend, a piece of ice got stuck in my throat. I couldn't get his attention until after it melted because he was busy checking in on foursquare. When he finally noticed my freaking out and I told him what had happened, he laughed. FML

#13813299
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24910) - you deserved it (5763)

On 11/12/2010 at 9:06am - love - by Samipearl - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that a tornado is not the same thing as a hurricane. I couldn't convince him, and he still won't talk to me. FML

#17726304
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24910) - you deserved it (3427)

On 09/12/2011 at 4:07am - misc - by facepalm - United Kingdom

Today, I returned a friends jacket after borrowing it. I made sure to wash it and keep it clean. When he went to put it on, a pair of my granny panties fell out of the sleeve. FML

#13388494
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24908) - you deserved it (7118)

On 10/10/2010 at 2:54am - misc - by ewwy - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

#18044688
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24907) - you deserved it (17597) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/22/2011 at 8:40am - kids - by titoutou222 - France

Today, is January 1st. Last night, I threw a party. Only 3 people came. Luckily, one of the people who came was the love of my life, I had been hoping to get a midnight kiss from him. Unluckly, he decided to get back with his ex-girlfriend. At my party. They were liplocked almost the whole time. FML

#7087777
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24906) - you deserved it (3874)

On 01/01/2010 at 7:09pm - love - by ScrewedOver (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found my truck broken into. Whoever broke in ripped my dash apart, and the stupid idiot couldn't get the radio out. So now I have a trashed truck interior, and the moron has nothing to show for it. He did leave behind his Subway wrapper though. FML

#17555162
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24905) - you deserved it (2098)

On 08/23/2011 at 2:42am - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out that absentmindedly correcting my boss' use of the word "whom" could result in my immediate termination. FML

#18146820
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24904) - you deserved it (7931)

On 11/03/2011 at 11:44am - work - by LuckyLoser9 - United States

Today, I woke up to a brand new password on my phone that only my wife knows. Apparently, she thinks I've been looking at my phone more than I've been talking to her lately. FML

#20942179
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24904) - you deserved it (43029)

On 11/02/2013 at 2:27am - love - by LockedOut (man) - United States



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