Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, my new prescription medicine for my chronic acne did in fact work. It worked by inflaming the skin around my zits so that they blended in. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said "I'm just smart". She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2010 at 2:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

by thjeltz / 10/27/2010 at 2:48pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my dad spent a full half hour trying to convince me that Judaism is a race. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2011 at 6:02pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I pointed out to my girlfriend that she wasn't jealous. She replied, "Well actually, I am, I just can't prove it cause no one else is interested in you". FML

by Numou / 12/08/2008 at 2:26am / Love

Today, my dad wants me to spray a wasp nest, because I'm the fittest family member and can run the fastest. The wasps are already angry, and I'm allergic to them. FML

by iliveintexas / 09/01/2012 at 10:09am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

by Birdwatcher / 09/18/2012 at 12:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, at 7am, I was woken up by a telemarketer. He tried to sell me a bedroom set containing "a comfortable pillow and goose feather cover". I was working the graveyard shift and had only just gotten to sleep an hour earlier. FML

by kareltje / 09/14/2011 at 2:50pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I stood up in front of the class and dropped my pen. As I bent over to pick it up, a boy in the front row loudly broke wind. I will forever be known as "that teacher who farted". FML

by Becky / 05/11/2015 at 4:54pm / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Work

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

by Vlen / 05/23/2015 at 10:38pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got stuck in the snow in the middle of street. As I was just beginning to get myself unstuck, the snow plow came by and buried the front end of my car. FML

by HoHoSnow / 12/08/2009 at 10:03pm / United States (Nebraska) / Transportation

Today, I realized it is now considered normal and routine that my boyfriend wets the bed after a night of drinking. FML

by Casey / 10/14/2010 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Love