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Today, while at the gym, I noticed a foul smell while on elliptical machine. I figured it was the little old lady on the machine next to me. It was so bad I had to leave. When I got in my truck, I realized the smell had followed me. It was me. My cat had pissed on my workout clothes. FML

#13402192
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27240) - you deserved it (8645)

On 10/11/2010 at 2:00am - health - by cdubb27 - United States (California)

Today, I got a nose piercing. I was asleep at the time in my backyard, and the piercer was a snake. FML

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend when we came across the most beautiful piece of Japanese furniture. When I inspected it closely, my boyfriend started laughing. Turns out I was making the same noise I make when I orgasm in reaction to a piece of furniture. FML

#21386402
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27238) - you deserved it (4577)

On 04/02/2015 at 8:20am - misc - by Repethetic (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mother and I were driving through Del Taco. Instead of ordering "Macho Diet Coke", she said "Macho Diet Cock". After correcting herself and pulling up to the window, the employee who goes to my high school gave her the drink and his phone number. FML

#7898835
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27237) - you deserved it (2660)

On 02/05/2010 at 2:52am - misc - by MachoFluster (man) - United States (California)

Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend that my baby now has fingernails. Her response was, "You're beginning to sound like a pro-life bumper sticker." FML

#16031516
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27235) - you deserved it (20135)

On 05/03/2011 at 11:41am - misc - by CRH (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, it was my birthday. I finally got the PS3 I've been asking for, for a long time. When I opened the box, I didn't find a PS3, but a bunch of clothes that my mom put in my brother's PS3 box. FML

#20157168
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27235) - you deserved it (4020)

On 11/10/2012 at 4:02am - misc - by Shauna (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized that my parents never ground me as a punishment because I don't get out enough for it to matter. FML

#13676187
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27234) - you deserved it (5770)

On 11/01/2010 at 4:10pm - misc - by evilparents (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money. FML

#18922486
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27234) - you deserved it (3191)

On 01/27/2012 at 1:54am - money - by dust - Japan

Today, I came home and told my mom that I got the lead in the school musical, which I was very happy about. She pulled me into a hug then said, "But you know you can't really sing, right?" FML

#18644293
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27233) - you deserved it (2891)

On 12/29/2011 at 1:39pm - misc - by tickle spunk - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

#15290209
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27232) - you deserved it (14501)

On 03/13/2011 at 3:39am - misc - by Sparks (man) - United States (California)

Today, whilst reading all 15 pages of this site, my French girlfriend asked me over my shoulder for translations, such as "What is buttsex?", "What is wanking?", and "What means farted?" FML

#513
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27232) - you deserved it (6527)

On 12/14/2008 at 8:14am - intimacy - by james - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I learned that, when you ask your girlfriend "Do you think we're having sex too often?" she might interpret it as, "I don't think we should have sex ever again," and entirely stop talking to you. FML

#21398912
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27232) - you deserved it (12860)

On 04/24/2015 at 7:38am - intimacy - by Sexless from Texas - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought a brand new huge leather recliner. After laying down and watching football for some time, I sit up and hear a loud shatter. My iPhone was crushed by the mechanics of the chair after it slipped out of my pocket. FML

#8080103
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27230) - you deserved it (8103)

On 02/10/2010 at 2:54am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)



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