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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

#20445898
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25816) - you deserved it (2079)

On 01/07/2013 at 6:11am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my mom finally learned how to text. Now it's her way of communicating, even when we're in the same room. FML

#17253506
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25815) - you deserved it (3643)

On 07/25/2011 at 12:12pm - misc - by montextes - United States (Nevada)

Today, I arrived at the pizza place I work at to find that I'd been fired. Apparently, the class stoner came in last night and not only demanded a free pizza, but also claimed that I always gave him one. I've never talked to this kid in my life, but my boss still doesn't believe me. FML

#18947150
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25815) - you deserved it (1734)

On 01/29/2012 at 9:36pm - work - by LowerCrust (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

#19964000
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25816) - you deserved it (3389)

On 07/20/2012 at 2:23pm - love - by Taylor (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

#4993116
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25814) - you deserved it (3837)

On 09/02/2009 at 2:33am - intimacy - by sexytime (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my mom picked me up from school due to me being sick. Afterwards, she took a detour to the DMV, and I waited in the car. I ended up vomiting everywhere, clothes included, and had to sit in the car for three hours while the taste and smells lingered. FML

#8169467
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25813) - you deserved it (4565)

On 02/12/2010 at 2:34pm - health - by justmyluck - United States

Today, I went to the store with my girlfriend. She needed to use the bathroom so I started looking at the books. It wasn't until the manager shot me a weird look that I realized I'd wandered down too far and was looking at bridal magazines, holding tampons, dog treats, and hair spray. FML

#18036451
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25811) - you deserved it (4535)

On 10/21/2011 at 1:42am - animals - by Dv0829 - United States (Utah)

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

#19992075
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25808) - you deserved it (1779)

On 07/30/2012 at 2:41am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized that the only boy that shows up at my door is the pizza boy. FML

#7399621
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25809) - you deserved it (6922)

On 01/17/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by mapleleafs34 (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while grooming my horse, a spider crawled onto my ear. As if that was bad enough, I'm extremely arachnophobic, so I shrieked out of habit, which in turn caused my horse to freak out and kick me. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed with a pedestal fan on facing us when my boyfriend sneezed. Where did he sneeze? Into the fan, which then sprayed it all over my face. FML

#13524310
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25807) - you deserved it (3695)

On 10/20/2010 at 12:14pm - misc - by gross - Australia

Today, I found my electric globe. It asks you where a state, country or city is and you would have to find it and click on it with the pen. I also found out that my parents would sneak into my room at night, take it and play 'strip-globe'. FML

#14708119
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25807) - you deserved it (2769)

On 01/25/2011 at 9:10am - intimacy - by Charlotte -

Today, the phone lines at work have been cutting out in the middle of calls. I'm a receptionist at an animal hospital. I now have less than two minutes to figure out what's wrong with a client's pet and how best to schedule them before I become "That rude bitch who hung up on me." FML

#21419304
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25807) - you deserved it (1932)

On 06/01/2015 at 6:46pm - work - by thankyouforcalling (woman) - United States (Washington)



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