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Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML

#8509840
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20934) - you deserved it (6638)

On 02/21/2010 at 6:52am - intimacy - by foutu - Sent from mobile version

Today, I decided to go for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML

#13154158
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20934) - you deserved it (3446)

On 09/22/2010 at 8:11am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Japan

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

#132176
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20933) - you deserved it (37562)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by riappp (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML

#19484961
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20932) - you deserved it (1597)

On 04/17/2012 at 4:53pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I diagnosed a patient with a spastic colon. For some reason, the term "spastic colon" has always amused me, and I burst into uncontrollable laughter as I said it. By the time I managed to stop laughing, my eyes were watering and my patient was visibly angry. FML

#21002747
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20929) - you deserved it (43404)

On 12/23/2013 at 6:11pm - work - by dr immature (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

#3102
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20928) - you deserved it (4432)

On 01/28/2009 at 2:51pm - love - by vidzgrl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to send him a pic of myself being happy for his phone's caller ID. So I picked out a picture where I'm grinning a big grin, clearly very happy like he asked. He replies back, "You look weird there. Send a pretty one." FML

#8507501
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20929) - you deserved it (4374)

On 02/21/2010 at 3:44am - misc - by weirdo - United States (California)

Today, I learned that my mother now refuses to drink anything but bottled water because she actually believes that the government is putting a chemical in tap water that lowers pregnancy rates. She is trying for her 5th child. FML

#19372979
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20927) - you deserved it (1817)

On 03/29/2012 at 10:16pm - misc - by rusrs - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that the stream of water that periodically falls onto the ground outside my apartment window isn't actually water. The guy above me regularly pees out of his window onto his balcony. FML

#19366084
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20923) - you deserved it (1548)

On 03/28/2012 at 8:44pm - misc - by deadgrass (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, the summer camp I work at had its annual scavenger hunt, wherein the counselors hide and the kids look for us. It was my first year there, so some of my colleagues showed me the "best hiding spot." Two hours later, still undiscovered, I realized they just wanted to get rid of me. FML

#20013942
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20921) - you deserved it (2528)

On 08/10/2012 at 6:44pm - misc - by nalathelionqueen (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML

#17974587
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20920) - you deserved it (2459)

On 10/13/2011 at 11:55am - animals - by Doglover - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, it's been a full week since my last orthodontist appointment and I still can't eat anything besides Slimfast and pudding. FML

#14520919
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20917) - you deserved it (2821)

On 01/09/2011 at 1:25pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

#20055365
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20915) - you deserved it (1512)

On 09/03/2012 at 5:37am - misc - by Tyler - Australia (Victoria)



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