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Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML

#6863042
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24128) - you deserved it (8988)

On 12/21/2009 at 10:23am - intimacy - by johnG (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came back to my room and sat down at my desk to find pile short, curly hairs on it. Neither me or my roommate have curly hair, and it isn't mine. I think he trimmed his pubes over my desk and forgot to clean it up. FML

#9171257
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24122) - you deserved it (2496)

On 03/17/2010 at 9:55pm - intimacy - by pubes (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my little sister put on some black eyeliner on my eyes. About half an hour later, my eyes started to hurt. Eyeliner never hurt for me; so I went to the bathroom to check it out. My sister wasn't using eyeliner. It was a black watercolor pencil. Now I have black bits inside my eyes. FML

#14430007
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24121) - you deserved it (5602)

On 01/01/2011 at 9:48pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to evening Mass. I later found that sometime between entering the church and receiving Communion, someone had snatched my iPhone straight out of my handbag. FML

#17776141
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24121) - you deserved it (4787)

On 09/18/2011 at 10:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I allowed my friend to talk me into going on a date. The guy's truck smelled like formaldehyde - I'm assuming from the snake that he apparently tried to turn into a necklace. FML

#6985807
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24120) - you deserved it (2813)

On 12/28/2009 at 1:26am - love - by KittyNeko (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out I have to give my father-in-law back the football tickets he gave me for my birthday. Why? His girlfriend decided she wanted to go. He didn't get me a different gift. FML

#18434015
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24119) - you deserved it (2088)

On 12/05/2011 at 1:57am - misc - by Sal (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I drove the six hours to LA to attend my Uncle's birthday party. When I tried to get off at the exit, it took me two hours just to get onto the street where the club was. By the time I showed up, the party was already over, so I ended up going to a Denny's. I drove eight hours for a Denny's. FML

#6898693
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24119) - you deserved it (4128)

On 12/23/2009 at 5:24am - misc - by BeautifulDisastre (woman) - United States (California)

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

#6256305
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24117) - you deserved it (14095)

On 11/11/2009 at 11:03am - health - by Timetoloseweight (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I canceled my ATM card, because it had been lost. Then I found it. Then I found out I can't reactivate it, because I asked for a replacement card. I'm from CA, and I'm in Mexico with only 20 bucks. FML

#7059755
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24116) - you deserved it (7799)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:52pm - money - by Busted (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, at the end of my shift with a long line of customers, the older woman I was checking out calmly said, "You should take a minute to fix your hair dear, we have all been talking about it while we waited." FML

#17818290
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24115) - you deserved it (3298)

On 09/24/2011 at 2:21am - work - by Cashier (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I left work at 11pm. It was cold and dark, and I was anxious to get home, so I cut across some soccer fields to get to my car. About halfway across, the sprinklers came on. FML

#5860815
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24114) - you deserved it (7973)

On 10/17/2009 at 1:18am - work - by legotron (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

#21392424
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24113) - you deserved it (1882)

On 04/12/2015 at 3:49pm - health - by drewcaver - United States (Texas)

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

#21311642
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24106) - you deserved it (6891)

On 12/04/2014 at 8:56pm - misc - by shugette212 - United States



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