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Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

#20000538
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15121) - you deserved it (9125)

On 08/03/2012 at 3:28pm - misc - by squeltorey (man) - United States (California)

Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML

#67274
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15119) - you deserved it (47080)

On 02/18/2009 at 9:29am - misc - by Thatkid (man) - Singapore

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML

#1775796
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15119) - you deserved it (66051)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:48am - love - by rawkdinosawr (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML

#18972343
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15115) - you deserved it (6427)

On 02/01/2012 at 9:48pm - misc - by pmony - United States (New York)

Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML

#19492319
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15114) - you deserved it (1172)

On 04/18/2012 at 9:15pm - work - by What? (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was nicknamed "Sandman." Not after the bad-ass Spider Man villain but rather because my personality is so boring it puts people to sleep. FML

#20173388
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15108) - you deserved it (3471)

On 11/22/2012 at 2:25am - misc - by zzz - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I said thanks to a man who got up for me in the bus. He angrily said "no, not you!". The old lady who sat down is now staring at me. FML

#439
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15106) - you deserved it (6038)

On 12/03/2008 at 12:04am - misc - by pam - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got back my history paper. The whole paper had been crossed out and at the end, my professor had written "Really?!" I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

#20132397
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15106) - you deserved it (2577)

On 10/25/2012 at 4:07am - work - by winterbee123 - United States (Oregon)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

#480695
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15105) - you deserved it (90335)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by StephD (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML

#19187510
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15105) - you deserved it (40592)

On 02/29/2012 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

#19265629
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15102) - you deserved it (7652)

On 03/12/2012 at 5:45pm - misc - by anonamous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I came home to my family remodeling our (extremely) out of date bathroom. I was SUPER excited to help them get it done. I walked down the hallway and opened my bedroom door to find a huge, gaping hole in my wall and my room covered in dust. I had to sweep every surface in my room. FML

#13831440
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15101) - you deserved it (2087)

On 11/13/2010 at 8:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML

#2556869
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15099) - you deserved it (43806)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by boinger (man) - United States (California)



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