Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, my boss insisted I go in front of him up the stairs. Out of respect, I insisted he go first. After a few seconds of back and forth insisting, he went. The reason he wanted me to go first was because he had to fart. I inhaled the raunchy gas for over three flights of stairs. FML

by Boss Troubles / 03/17/2015 at 2:12am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

by northernlass / 09/20/2010 at 12:47am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home and told my mom that I got the lead in the school musical, which I was very happy about. She pulled me into a hug then said, "But you know you can't really sing, right?" FML

by tickle spunk / 12/29/2011 at 1:39pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call from my younger brother's school to pick him up immediately. He had a test today and had the brilliant idea that by telling everyone he had head lice, he could go home. I had to leave work to pick him up, and now I have to take him to a doctor so they can verify he can go back. FML

by joshua / 01/25/2010 at 4:24pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

by Jessica / 08/21/2012 at 4:21am / United States / Kids

Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school, so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs and said, "make them fatter". FML

by humiliated / 01/14/2011 at 11:28am / United Kingdom (East Ayrshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I did the smart thing and bought an umbrella before walking to work. My efforts proved useless when a truck ran through a huge puddle and drenched me from head to toe. My underwear was still wet 4 hours later. FML

Today, I learned the hard way that my boyfriend lied about getting a vasectomy before we met, in spite of knowing how phobic I am of pregnancy and kids. His defense? "I figured you'd change your mind someday, because all you chicks love babies." FML

by nocongratsneeded / 11/03/2015 at 10:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while skiing on Mammoth Mountain, a man dressed in an Easter Bunny costume snowboarded into me and sent me flying. Not only did he hurt my wrist, he also threw an Easter egg at me, yelled "Happy Easter", and snowboarded away. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2011 at 7:49pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I went to the ER for extremely heavy bleeding related to my IUD birth control. They decided the best thing to do was remove it. An exam, two ultrasounds, and three x-rays later, the doctor comes back to tell me what's going on. Yeah, they can't find it. FML

by deku / 06/22/2015 at 6:34pm / United States (California) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my neighbor from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML

by wahhh / 08/08/2011 at 7:07am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad demonstrated just how incredibly illiterate he is. He sent me a chain email about the awful lives of people with "Asparagus syndrome". FML

by K. / 05/07/2011 at 1:38pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that a water pipe at my work had burst over the weekend. There is absolutely no water in the building, including the bathrooms. It's a 9 hour day, and I took a laxative this morning before I came in. FML

by bs_happens / 01/11/2010 at 10:28am / United States (Texas) / Work