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Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

#19693767
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19754) - you deserved it (4910)

On 05/28/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Danny (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I asked my boss if I could have a bigger cubicle. I'm now working in one that is half the size of my old one. FML

#19457706
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19751) - you deserved it (5901)

On 04/12/2012 at 8:37pm - work - by hatemyboss - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML

#20148667
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19752) - you deserved it (1538)

On 11/05/2012 at 9:02am - misc - by liquorless (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my landlord is too cheap to turn up the hot water tank enough to have a comfortable shower. There's a huge padlock on the door, she won't budge, and I'm signed in until December. FML

#17962852
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19749) - you deserved it (1934)

On 10/11/2011 at 9:05pm - misc - by frigid - (Alberta)

Today, my deranged co-worker sent me a text message containing a picture that she just took of her uncle. It was his funeral. FML

#9083154
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19743) - you deserved it (1624)

On 03/14/2010 at 8:20pm - misc - by thanatophobia - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

#13035925
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19743) - you deserved it (5519)

On 09/13/2010 at 3:33pm - misc - by Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I went out on my back patio at night to skinny dip. I live on the intracoastal, and as I was walking towards my pool, the police were doing a random search. From a boat with a spotlight. At least their whistles told me they liked the birthday suit I had on. FML

#17749646
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19743) - you deserved it (8393)

On 09/15/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by Japaroni - United States

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I am trying to get close to while we were at the bar. Music was playing, so I thought that while his attention was diverted I would sneak out a yawn. Just as I did so, the music went silent and I let out a tremendous burp. FML

#7351489
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19739) - you deserved it (7581)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:25am - love - by beriles (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I left my parents house to drive 90 minutes back to college. As I was getting off the exit for my school, I realized I left my bright pink vibrator sitting on my dresser back at home. FML

#236958
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19737) - you deserved it (67742)

On 03/07/2009 at 8:15pm - intimacy - by vibratorgirl (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, a student of mine used the phrase "well, you know, like back in your day" about defining "going out". I'm only 24. FML

#1158
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19737) - you deserved it (1726)

On 01/14/2009 at 6:20pm - kids - by Old? - United States (Washington)

Today, I left my sunroof on my truck open for 5 minutes while I ran into the bank. When I came out a seagull had gotten into my truck. I managed to open the doors and get it out but not before it tore up a seat and pooped everywhere inside my truck. FML

#19914260
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19737) - you deserved it (6488)

On 07/09/2012 at 11:44am - misc - by seagull hater - United States (California)

Today, I realized that over the course of this winter, there have been more snow days in Atlanta than days in which I have ever been on a date. FML

#8774355
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19735) - you deserved it (4573)

On 03/02/2010 at 3:04pm - love - by lonelyashell (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

#19603388
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19736) - you deserved it (1945)

On 05/10/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by Jesse (man) - United States (Washington)



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