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Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. I started putting my arm around her, when I hit her in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8149) - you deserved it (15253)
On 02/16/2010 at 2:28pm - love - by soomeone - United States (California)
Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8146) - you deserved it (174485)
On 05/21/2011 at 2:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)
Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8145) - you deserved it (19515)
On 10/09/2012 at 4:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went and got a spray on tan. I forgot to push the hair cap up. A few hours later, I was completely tan, except for the top half of my forehead was pasty white. It will last for five days. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8144) - you deserved it (44997)
On 04/04/2009 at 3:41am - misc - by missblair - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to a store to buy pants for a new job. A really hot guy helped me get a pair down from a high shelf so I could try them on. He had flirted with me so I hurried in the fitting room so I could go talk to him. Note to self: Check to see if you have pants on after trying on clothes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8144) - you deserved it (36088)
On 05/15/2009 at 12:32am - misc - by sweet92 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went running for the first time in a few months. I had what I thought was an asthma attack. When I got home, I realized that it was not asthma, but instead I have gained so much weight that my running bra restricted my breathing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8142) - you deserved it (19302)
On 10/29/2009 at 12:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8141) - you deserved it (22157)
On 11/26/2012 at 10:03pm - work - by shark - United States (Texas)
Today, I came home to find a car parked in my assigned space. Pissed off, I left a note on the car's windshield saying, "Hey Assface, thanks for parking in my spot. I spat on your door handle." It turns out it was my girlfriend's parent's car. They took us out to dinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8139) - you deserved it (53488)
On 04/24/2009 at 9:24am - love - by jason (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8139) - you deserved it (13496)
On 03/14/2010 at 6:50am - misc - by Hatty (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8138) - you deserved it (28430)
On 11/30/2010 at 10:23am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I asked my boyfriend if my ass looked big in my new jeans. He looked, and then started singing "I like big butts and I cannot lie". FML
I agree, your life sucks (8137) - you deserved it (30317)
On 01/07/2011 at 8:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Orebro Lan)
Today, I was so starved of human contact that I almost took up a transsexual hooker's offer of a "good time." Nothing wrong with that really, but they looked like a haunted tree dressed as Liza Minnelli. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8136) - you deserved it (13266)
On 09/05/2011 at 10:38pm - intimacy - by Username (man) - United States (California)
Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (8128) - you deserved it (21123)
On 10/27/2010 at 7:47am - kids - by Lisaaa - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 20 May 2013
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