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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

#21165218
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23212) - you deserved it (39035)

On 06/06/2014 at 6:01pm - health - by shartface12 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML

#13692696
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23211) - you deserved it (8822)

On 11/02/2010 at 8:57pm - misc - by StayPositive - United States (Maine)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

#19388939
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23211) - you deserved it (9512)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

#771
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23210) - you deserved it (3082)

On 01/01/2009 at 10:38am - health - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to work only to serve one table, make a $9.00 tip, get sent home because it was slow, have the city busses stop running because of weather, and have to pay a $20 cab fare to get home. FML

#1047
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23209) - you deserved it (1485)

On 01/13/2009 at 3:54pm - love - by ren - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML

#10903996
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23207) - you deserved it (5210)

On 06/01/2010 at 8:31am - misc - by girlllll (woman) - Denmark (Kobenhavn)

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

#18284255
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23207) - you deserved it (2912)

On 11/18/2011 at 8:58pm - love - by Trey - United States (Texas)

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

#18914939
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23207) - you deserved it (2711)

On 01/26/2012 at 9:49am - love - by The Towel Molester (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, before I went into surgery, the patient next to me just finished the same procedure I was going to get. As he woke up in the recovery area 10 feet away, I was getting my final prep before the operation. On my way into the operating room I was comforted by his screams of agonizing pain. FML

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

#19202074
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23204) - you deserved it (3225)

On 03/02/2012 at 10:54am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML

#19606582
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23206) - you deserved it (3079)

On 05/11/2012 at 9:24am - misc - by MobPerfect (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, in the middle of class, I sneezed out the biggest, wettest booger I have ever seen in my life. I'd used the inside of my elbow to cover my nose, but I neglected to notice that my hair had fallen over my shoulder. I couldn't get it all out of my hair and I don't think any believed me when I said it was hair gel. FML

#13355611
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23202) - you deserved it (5281)

On 10/07/2010 at 3:28pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

#10615901
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23199) - you deserved it (6556)

On 05/18/2010 at 9:23pm - misc - by MisterT (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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