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Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2012 at 5:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ruined a $1,500 laptop with a 69¢ bowl of ramen noodles. FML

by fuckstudentloans / 06/18/2015 at 7:29pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

by nothowtheydoitinalabama / 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I spent hours voluntarily decorating my town for Christmas. After a break, I came back to find someone had re-positioned the wooden reindeer to make it look like they were humping. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, at work, I was standing at the till helping an attractive man. I have a cold and could feel the snot bubbling up. He orders and we flirt for a bit. Just as I'm about to hand him his product, I sneeze quite loudly and forcefully all over his face. Guess I won't be getting that number. FML

by BoogieCandy. / 10/23/2009 at 4:56am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend occasionally wets the bed. He's 25 and we're moving in together next month. FML

by mmvv / 02/08/2010 at 12:41am / United States / Love

Today, my parents informed that the man I am going to marry made the newspaper, on page twelve. He is listed as a fugitive and there is a warrant out for his arrest. FML

by strangebeans / 07/25/2012 at 1:27am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML

by Good Parenting? / 06/26/2015 at 12:38pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, a revolving door got the better of me. I made it into the crowded lobby, unlike my skirt. Bad day to wear a thong. FML

by Oopsie / 07/28/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2015 at 8:12am / Belgium / Miscellaneous

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4am to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

by dumbdad / 09/07/2010 at 8:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

by bpruitt95 / 12/31/2012 at 1:46am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend was picking on me at school by constantly tapping on my shoulder. At recess I had enough. I felt the familiar tap on my shoulder, and I drove my elbow into what I thought was my friends stomach. It was my Principal. FML

by da man / 02/11/2009 at 6:38am / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous