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Today, after being admitted to the emergency room for severe abdominal pain, my boyfriend shouted out in front of my parents, "At least she isn't pregnant!" FML

by letmedienow / 10/11/2011 at 1:43pm / United States / Health

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2011 at 4:05pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, my 14-year-old brother told me he needed help with something "very personal." Thinking he wanted girlfriend advice or something, I said, "Sure, no problem". He wanted me to shave his butt crack. FML

by liquid_sasquatch / 05/29/2012 at 6:40pm / United States / Kids

Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML

by urinanalysis / 12/03/2009 at 11:08am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

by kylie18xx21 / 02/01/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend got pulled over. The cops searched the car and found a bong among the stuff we were moving to her new house. When they confronted her with it, she told them it must be mine and that she'd never seen it before. FML

by Anonymous / 07/07/2015 at 3:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck / 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML

by ConstructionLady / 11/13/2012 at 1:49am / United States / Work

Today, I learned I have a severe sinus infection, my body really can't handle antibiotics, and I can projectile vomit out my nose. Not sure if I am more impressed that I still somehow aimed the puke into the sink, or that swallowing afterwards hurt more than emptying my stomach via my nose. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2010 at 2:18am / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I punched my wife in the face, because she jumped out from behind the bedroom door in the dark. I'm afraid of the dark. I'm 21. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2009 at 3:58am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I bought my wedding dress and sat it on the bed while I went to buy matching shoes. When I came home, I saw my soon to be husband on the bed sitting next to my wedding dress. Turns out he spilt Coca-Cola on the dress and was trying to get it out with carpet cleanser. FML

by Stephanie / 03/04/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I realized that my dandruff issue was so horrible, that even my eyebrows have dandruff. FML

by ew / 10/27/2010 at 1:24am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML

by Kolkata / 08/05/2012 at 7:25pm / Canada / Kids