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Today, I asked a guy out on a coffee date, and we started talking about our mutual careers. At the end of the date he asked me if I had any more questions about job opportunities or any more advice, then shook my hand and gave me his contact card. FML

#5748
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26194) - you deserved it (3445)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:54pm - love - by myrie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was called 15 times by a "good redneck boy" that my Mom is trying to set me up with. He has called me at least 5 times a day for the past week. My Mom is still encouraging him to call. I had to unplug the phone because I feel stalked in my own dorm. FML

#13776562
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26194) - you deserved it (2632)

On 11/09/2010 at 11:00am - misc - by snitcheyes (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

#13122832
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26193) - you deserved it (2480)

On 09/20/2010 at 12:47am - misc - by northernlass (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

#14316473
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26192) - you deserved it (9034)

On 12/23/2010 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by troubleintoyland (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

#20042325
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26192) - you deserved it (2277)

On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I came back from vacation to find a packet on the company's stress management programs on my desk. I was sent the same packet over my vacation. I got the same packet from my boss as I left. All because I snapped at a co-worker who was throwing a tantrum over the Star Wars trailer. FML

#21347776
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26190) - you deserved it (3614)

On 02/01/2015 at 1:48pm - work - by Darth Binks (man) - Canada

Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I ripped it off, very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML

#6185536
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26188) - you deserved it (10047)

On 11/06/2009 at 6:37pm - health - by jellybean (woman) - United States

Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML

#20138973
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26184) - you deserved it (2349)

On 10/29/2012 at 5:45pm - animals - by With_Love929 - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML

#19530621
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26182) - you deserved it (2459)

On 04/26/2012 at 12:36am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I told my fiancé I wanted to hear something romantic. He said, "My dick loves your mouth." I guess that's as good as it's going to get. FML

#19231360
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26181) - you deserved it (6139)

On 03/07/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Sharibabi65 (woman) - United States

Today, I was in a hot tub at a public sauna. After chatting with a friendly couple, I decided to go get some lunch. I was halfway out of the water when the man started laughing and said he'd thought I was a woman. I am. FML

#21428077
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26181) - you deserved it (1969)

On 06/18/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

#19385942
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26179) - you deserved it (3104)

On 04/01/2012 at 12:32am - work - by Kristat (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase. FML

#20077513
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26179) - you deserved it (2572)

On 09/18/2012 at 7:56am - misc - by raesos91 - United States (Texas)



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