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Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

#19194281
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22594) - you deserved it (18949)

On 03/01/2012 at 6:35am - intimacy - by ShitFaced (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

#14606739
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22593) - you deserved it (4210)

On 01/16/2011 at 10:59pm - misc - by sos (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was verbally abused by a guy in a 4-wheel-drive twat-tank for listening to music on my iPod while I was "blocking the way." I was standing on the footpath waiting for a bus. At a bus stop. FML

#18343732
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22591) - you deserved it (2291)

On 11/25/2011 at 1:59am - misc - by Dave B - Reserved

Today, I went on a cruise. I gave my bags to a porter, and tipped him $5. Later that night, my bags still hadn't arrived at my room, and that's when I realized that I'd paid a fake porter to steal my bags. FML

#20397361
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22590) - you deserved it (4679)

On 12/12/2012 at 10:43pm - misc - by McFizzy321 - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

#20950083
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22590) - you deserved it (5493)

On 11/08/2013 at 9:00am - intimacy - by xomelodygervais (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML

#20115984
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22588) - you deserved it (1517)

On 10/14/2012 at 1:29am - work - by bbbbb - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I'm on a medication that really dehydrates my skin. I thought split lips were the worst side effects. Other split orifices make a trip to the toilet a literal pain in the arse. No sign of stopping in the near future. FML

#18560228
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22584) - you deserved it (2018)

On 12/20/2011 at 7:46am - health - by ouch (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML

#6125529
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22583) - you deserved it (2578)

On 11/02/2009 at 8:15pm - misc - by justin_99 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss asked for recommendations on how to improve the office. I sent her an e-mail full of my ideas. Later, my boss sent me a reply, saying, "Here's what head office thinks of your ideas." It contained a list of insults upper management made about me. FML

#14531234
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22583) - you deserved it (3335)

On 01/10/2011 at 8:23am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, a homeless man started to wet himself in the recliner at the coffee shop where I work. He then walked all the way to the bathroom, only to finish urinating in a puddle right in front of the bathroom door. Guess who cleaned it up. FML

#19907093
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22583) - you deserved it (1467)

On 07/07/2012 at 11:16pm - work - by cj1012 - United States

Today, we had movers come in to take all of our stuff as the final step to our move to the States. We have our flight scheduled for tomorrow evening. Thing is, they accidentally took my carry-on bag without my knowledge. In that carry-on there was a little something called a passport. FML

#20093240
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22583) - you deserved it (2789)

On 09/29/2012 at 3:39am - misc - by bluefrisky - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

#8540042
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22580) - you deserved it (3293)

On 02/22/2010 at 12:17am - love - by shwasted (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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