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Today, as I sat down in the plane, I realized that for the next seven hours I would be sitting next to a priest who refused to stop praying aloud, and an old man who wanted to tell me the story of how the toothpick came to be. FML

#19998370
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17015) - you deserved it (1348)

On 08/02/2012 at 12:30pm - misc - by skrillexblewme - United States

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

#798927
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17011) - you deserved it (137690)

On 04/04/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by ohshittttttt (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I promised my boyfriend a blow job every time he does the dishes. Every dish in the house has been washed three times already. FML

#15718627
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17010) - you deserved it (60907)

On 04/10/2011 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had a job interview. Everything was going really well until I noticed a bug on my interviewer's lower neck. I shouted that something really disgusting was crawling on him. It turns out it was his big hairy mole. FML

#1125126
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17006) - you deserved it (53956)

On 04/19/2009 at 5:52pm - work - by Crunchy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found myself trying to explain to my puppy why I'm still single. I think I just found out why. FML

#20028660
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17005) - you deserved it (5440)

On 08/18/2012 at 7:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mom found her CD of cats and dogs singing Christmas songs. That is what I'll be listening to until Christmas. FML

#20186305
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17005) - you deserved it (1379)

On 12/01/2012 at 5:00am - misc - by hinowdie - United States

Today, my godmother informed me that the rule of thumb my ex had used for our relationship during a year of cohabitation was taken directly from a Cesar Millan book on "How to train dogs." FML

#7492319
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17001) - you deserved it (2650)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:17am - love - by housebroken (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

#18217902
375 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17001) - you deserved it (73800)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:53am - intimacy - by dumbassbuffet (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML

#1017007
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17001) - you deserved it (42538)

On 04/16/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by xnickx (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

#20123973
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17001) - you deserved it (4875)

On 10/19/2012 at 2:27pm - love - by marriedtoacunt (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was loading a very large box into my hatchback. I was really struggling, and a few people walked by and laughed. Then a car pulled up and waited for the spot. There isn't a spring to hold my trunk open, so it slammed onto my head. Twice. The car honked for me to hurry up. FML

#8729495
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16997) - you deserved it (1640)

On 02/28/2010 at 8:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after ten years, our sewing machine broke. My mom tried to return it back to the store she bought it from. FML

#21115731
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16997) - you deserved it (1408)

On 04/17/2014 at 7:24pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while waiting on a customer at a restaurant, I accidentally asked a midget if she'd like a children's menu. FML

#14866852
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16992) - you deserved it (24305)

On 02/06/2011 at 12:53pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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