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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I dressed up like a pirate, dressed my dog as a parrot and bought $30 worth of candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters. I waited by the door for 3 hours. Not one kid came. FML

#20142085
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26264) - you deserved it (2415)

On 10/31/2012 at 8:40pm - misc - by hallofail (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I met a man at the bar, and he asked me to go home with him. The problem? He's 80. I'm 29. The bigger problem? I considered it. It's been that long. FML

#12231290
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26263) - you deserved it (16471)

On 07/31/2010 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML

#7515977
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26261) - you deserved it (4161)

On 01/23/2010 at 3:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I noticed that my ceiling was sagging slightly. I got up on to a chair to look at it more closely, and I touched it. Turns out that my ceiling was full of water. It went everywhere, ruining my new iPod, phone, and all the things my daughter bought for university. FML

#8375974
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26261) - you deserved it (4322)

On 02/17/2010 at 3:18pm - misc - by ceilingssuck (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, after breaking down in front of my therapist over some really sensitive issues, she decided to also break down. Not about my story but about her own life. I'm not being paid to comfort and console my therapist. FML

#19074382
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26261) - you deserved it (2687)

On 02/14/2012 at 2:16pm - health - by ryuken23 (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

#21393477
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26260) - you deserved it (3890)

On 04/14/2015 at 11:08am - health - by howaboutthemcarrots - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

#14205128
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26259) - you deserved it (21972)

On 12/14/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I got hit in the face at a dodge-ball tournament. My entire mouth was bloody. The sad thing is, I wasn't even playing. FML

#18316587
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26259) - you deserved it (2933)

On 11/22/2011 at 12:53pm - health - by haileyjunkin -

Today, our new boss showed up for his first day of work. I thought I'd seen it all, but he demands that we say "Hail to the King" every time he passes through the office. When I called HR about it, the guy on the other end told me to "man up and deal with it". FML

#18479274
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26259) - you deserved it (3883)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - work - by Poorman (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was texting my girlfriend about cross dressing and I said, "It would be hard for me to conceal my weapon." She instantly replied, "Not really, it's like finding a needle in a haystack, you'll be alright." FML

#19399007
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26259) - you deserved it (7134)

On 04/03/2012 at 12:43am - intimacy - by DanteWest1000 (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went bra shopping with my mother. She insisted that I try on a bunch of push-up bras, and I told her I didn't want to, because it's false advertising. She looked at me and said that I need all the help I can get. FML

#19800158
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26259) - you deserved it (4363)

On 06/17/2012 at 3:11am - misc - by historyfreak_17 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

#20147554
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26258) - you deserved it (3070)

On 11/04/2012 at 4:16pm - misc - by i fking love docb - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, I was reading a book in public. Some bastard stranger came over and started spoiling the plot for me. FML

#20148752
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26259) - you deserved it (2667)

On 11/05/2012 at 10:58am - misc - by Spoilicious - Singapore



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