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Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

#21042040
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21169) - you deserved it (56026)

On 01/27/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by :( (man) - Algeria

Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML

#6976718
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21168) - you deserved it (12491)

On 12/27/2009 at 5:25pm - misc - by xMiSS_CuTiEx (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

#15087841
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21164) - you deserved it (41406)

On 02/23/2011 at 5:06am - intimacy - by failed (man) - Switzerland (Vaud)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML

#16411283
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21165) - you deserved it (47458)

On 05/30/2011 at 12:29am - love - by kingpin9219 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML

#2234
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21164) - you deserved it (1828)

On 01/22/2009 at 5:35pm - work - by Promo girl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

#17621188
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21164) - you deserved it (11383)

On 08/30/2011 at 1:35pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I have a final for my precalculus class. After hours of studying this week, I felt pretty optimistic. Until I got to class and realized that I'd forgotten my calculator. FML

#20172402
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21160) - you deserved it (6611)

On 11/21/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

#13933361
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21157) - you deserved it (2950)

On 11/22/2010 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was admitted to hospital for suspected kidney failure. I called my best friend to let her know I couldn't make it to her birthday party tonight. She seemed to be infinitely more upset that I wouldn't be able to give her a birthday present. FML

#19715534
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21156) - you deserved it (1721)

On 06/01/2012 at 1:58pm - health - by Ashe (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I learned how awful intertrigo smells. I spent a ton of money and years of my life to become a health care provider apparently to treat the yeast infection between an obese woman's fat folds. FML

#18838483
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21154) - you deserved it (4590)

On 01/17/2012 at 8:39pm - work - by Sheliton (woman) - United States

Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML

#19148327
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21153) - you deserved it (4028)

On 02/23/2012 at 6:52pm - misc - by Veryfunny (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my sister is nursing an injured cat back to health in our home because she accidentally hit it with her car. Now I can't decide which is contributing more to my insomnia: the incessant meowing, or the constant itching because our house is infested with fleas. FML

#12889600
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21151) - you deserved it (2938)

On 09/03/2010 at 7:02pm - health - by insomniac (man) -

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

#20132869
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21154) - you deserved it (2023)

On 10/25/2012 at 3:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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