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Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

#20089771
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27802) - you deserved it (2423)

On 09/26/2012 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent hours voluntarily decorating my town for Christmas. After a break, I came back to find someone had re-positioned the wooden reindeer to make it look like they were humping. FML

#14115471
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27800) - you deserved it (8373)

On 12/07/2010 at 1:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while eating at my college cafeteria, I started thinking about all the awful crap going on in my life right now, and I started sobbing. Some guy at another table started snickering at me, at which point the guy I like said, "Give her a break. If I was as fuck-ugly as her, I'd be crying too." FML

#21467918
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27800) - you deserved it (2483)

On 09/13/2015 at 9:21am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I looked sad. I told him that I found out a co-worker died over the weekend and I failed my final exam. He then informed me that my toilet was clogged again, that he had a lot of work to do, and left. I have to find a plunger. FML

#6760578
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27799) - you deserved it (2981)

On 12/15/2009 at 2:10am - misc - by Scat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the motorway I usually use was closed off due to a major car accident. With no way off the freeway, my trip took three times longer than usual. I lost control of my bladder mid-way. FML

#18175852
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27799) - you deserved it (5411)

On 11/06/2011 at 4:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

#20487281
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27799) - you deserved it (5058)

On 01/31/2013 at 4:07am - misc - by Why Me? (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML

#12786559
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27798) - you deserved it (3908)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:04pm - health - by Firepants (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M and M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages. FML

#19016229
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27799) - you deserved it (3843)

On 02/07/2012 at 3:11am - money - by kirstiexoxo (woman) - United States

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

#19818500
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27797) - you deserved it (3501)

On 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML

#20105847
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27798) - you deserved it (1692)

On 10/07/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by RIP (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

#20488845
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27797) - you deserved it (2173)

On 02/01/2013 at 10:26am - misc - by kylie18xx21 (woman) - United States

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

#21345020
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27797) - you deserved it (3380)

On 01/27/2015 at 10:09am - animals - by dogproblems (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I sliced my arm open on the weekend, patched it with a fabric bandaid. Had an allergic reaction to the bandaid, arm now swollen, blistering and keeping-me-awake itchy. Pharmacist's advice? "Oooh, that looks bad. Better put a bandaid on that." FML

#1959
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27796) - you deserved it (2296)

On 01/20/2009 at 8:08pm - health - by sore - Australia (Queensland)



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