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The all-time greatest FMLs

High expectations

By Anonymous - 14/09/2023 08:00

Today, I was arguing with my husband how he has never told our son that he’s proud of him. Without missing a beat, he told me that when our son gets around to doing something he can be proud of, then he’ll tell him he’s proud of him. Our son is a university graduate and trainee doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 102

One-handed typing

By Justin Parker - 17/06/2021 04:00

Today, I was changing a flat tire on my car when it fell off the jack and crushed my hand. After ripping my hand free and waiting 2 hours for AAA, I get to go find out if my hand is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 129

**** you, Elon

By Anonymous - 07/09/2021 22:59 - Canada - Breslau

Today, my new electric car lied to me about its range, and the nine fast-charging stations I visited either didn't exist, were blocked off, broken, or not fast. We spent three hours sitting in the car in the rain waiting for the car to slow charge so we could make it home, and my wife is furious with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 823

Health hazard

By Cupboard? More like headboard - 11/12/2022 21:00 - United States

Today, my mom always forgets to close the cupboards in the kitchen. She's not tall enough to hit her head on them, but I am. I have done so at least a dozen times in the past week. I swear, I'm gonna knock myself out on those cupboards one of these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 224

Carless whisper

By JaneSimple - 05/02/2021 17:01

Today, my car broke down. Yesterday, my husband mentioned he found my dream car for sale, but I'd insisted my car had a lot of miles left and we should save money. They sold my dream car this morning. Now I'm carless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 369

Unfair failing

By Mistakes were made - 25/10/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, while I was taking a test in class, there was a question that had everyone stumped. After what seemed like forever, the teacher finally noticed and said he'd typed the question wrong. I spent more than half the time I had to complete the test on a question that wasn't even written correctly. Yes, I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 463

Let's go Brandon!

By SeriouslyWth - 28/11/2022 06:00

Today, I work as a butcher at my local supermarket. I was about to clear my area for the night to find that some assbucket has put “Fuck Joe Biden” stickers all over the frozen turkeys. I had to remove them. Even when I did, there was still sticker residue on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 193

Family dynamics

By Anonymous - 21/04/2022 04:00 - Germany - Zittau

Today, my mom told me how happy she is that I'm living with her. No wait, that was a month ago. Now she tells me it’s “bad timing” that I'm living with her while she potentially has a new boyfriend, because things like me demanding that people tidy up after themselves might upset him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 169

I just love to rant

By Anonymous - 15/02/2022 18:00 - United States - Verona

Today, my mother went on another rant about the Smart TV not working. Instead of turning it off and on like she's been told to do before, she'll sit and complain about it. Even fixing it for her doesn't stop her complaining for another half-hour about technology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 113

No one wants to work, huh?

By pizzadaddy - 19/04/2023 10:00

Today, just like every day, I have not gotten a single call back or email regarding a job interview since 2020. I can't even get a part-time job at McDonald's. Why? No one wants to hire someone with 10 years of experience as a manager for entry-level jobs, and no one is hiring managers from outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 112

Fill her up

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 19:55

Today, I'm nearly done with my cortisol treatment for a persistent multi-day migraine. Good news: it actually stopped for the last two blissful, pain-free days. Bad news: apparently anything less than the maximum dose of cortisol doesn't prevent me from getting a new migraine. Here we go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 85

TMI Mom

By Why - 01/12/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 297

"Life is unfair…"

By Breadline single mom - 26/12/2020 19:56

Today, my deadbeat ex-husband who works at a country club was invited to play poker with some club members as they needed a last player. He’s rubbish at poker but got some lucky hands and ended up winning £112,000 from those rich guys. Life isn’t fair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 1 401

Food is food

By Anonymous - 03/07/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend picked a scab off of my back and ate it without a moment of hesitation. When I questioned him on it, he nonchalantly replied that he’s been doing it his whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 123

Someone doesn't like you much

By Anonymous - 28/04/2022 16:00

Today, after work, I found my car in the middle of the empty parking lot with a huge crack in the windshield that wasn't there in the morning. Looks like I have to get the windshield replaced. Again. For the fourth time now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 120

Down!

By Imnotfromhere - 23/07/2021 22:01

Today, I tripped over a dog and broke my elbow. I'm stuck dogsitting for the rest of the weekend and he won't stop jumping up at my broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 116

Bleak expectations

By Anonymous - 31/03/2023 18:00

Today, I finally realized that my husband doesn't love me, but loves the concept of marriage, as many Christians come to love to appease whoever they must. This is destroying the marriage I envisioned for us and building one of regret, resentment, and even hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 215

The results are in

By PuzzleMommieCubed - 04/03/2021 21:30

Today, I went to get Covid test because I had chest pain and shortness of breath. Turns out, I just have depression and anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 141

In shape

By emmy - 01/04/2021 14:01

Today, even after months of vigorous exercise and diet in an attempt to gain muscle, I have not gained any muscle. Instead, my body is putting fat into the one part of my body I can’t work out: my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 117

Pissed

By pl. - 03/06/2021 21:59

Today, while on a road trip, I stopped at a gas station and told my kids to go to the restroom. My youngest daughter said, "I had to go earlier, but not anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 169

Bates Motel

By Anonymous - 15/10/2021 08:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a choice between me and the super creepy, codependent, almost Norman Bates relationship he has with his mother. Guess which he chose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 511

Cracking

By Jennifer Sara Harms - 01/02/2021 11:01 - Canada

Today, I was so stressed out from my ex harassing me that I took a chewable pill that’s made for anxiety and it broke my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 142

Three's company

By Anonymous - 12/10/2023 18:00

Today, it was the marathon. My girlfriend, has a unique name spelling, ran and I cheered and passed her supplies at two different mile markers. I then noticed a guy I’d never met who had signs with her name at the same mile markers. She was too lazy to split up both her boyfriend’s mile markers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 100

Hi-Di-Hi!

By Jeff Turner - 20/12/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, I was preparing to leave my campsite when I noticed that my neighbors were trying to put up a canopy. I walked over and said, "Do you need a hand?" Then I noticed the man had a prosthetic hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 162

It's not like riding a bike

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 03:00

Today, I bought my very first car. My dad insisted on driving it, just to see how it handles, and drove it right off the bridge near our house into our river because he hasn’t driven anything in 15 years, which also means he has no insurance, at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 459

How very dare you?

By Anonymous - 16/08/2023 04:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he "couldn't handle the distance." He said he "couldn't commit to driving to see me long term." We live two hours apart, and I've driven to him every time; he never tried to come to me once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 160

Take your time

By Easy-bake oven - 14/08/2022 14:00

Today, after I’ve been head-over heels crushing on a girl for years, she finally told me she felt the same. A month after I'd moved to a different country forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 255

Weird turn on, but OK

By Anonymous - 19/03/2022 12:00 - India

Today, I realised my sex drive has improved massively since I started fantasising about Bruno from Encanto on the regular. I thought my lack of appetite was because of my mental health issues. Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 326

I don't want to know

By LoneFox - 18/04/2022 18:00 - Denmark - Thisted

Today, I heard my ex, the woman I am still in love with and want to get back together with, say she had sex with her boyfriend this morning. It affected me so bad, I started getting physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 910

Humblebrag

By Anonymous - 20/06/2022 10:00

Today, at a business BBQ my dad introduced my older brother to his boss as "Dr Brother", my younger sister as "CEO Sister," and then me as "Beautiful Daughter." That was it, I’m his pretty daughter, just because I became a primary school teacher, and disappointed him so disgracefully. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 1 183

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The Top

Today, my dad decided I was too hairy and taught me to shave. This would be a great bonding experience if I weren't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 892

You deserved it 2 365

Today, I won a lottery at my local grocery store. Excited, I went to claim my prize, only to discover it was a bottle of red wine. I'm a recovering alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 245

You deserved it 3 487

Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 188

Today, I realized that the woman I love, who is my best friend, deserves better than me at the nadir of my life. We're still just friends, but she's been a much better friend to me than I have been to her. It's time to disappear and fix myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 446

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he had any secret sexual fantasies and promised that I wouldn't judge him, hoping to scratch my kinky itch. He looked at me wide-eyed, yelled, "IT'S A TRAP!!" and literally sprinted out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 244

Today, after years of no contact, my brother texted me for my birthday. I replied, "You and your son are doing great I hope!" I then came to find out that he hasn't seen his son in 500 days and his ex refuses to let him see his son, since she has full custody and he is back on drugs. I didn't know and was genuinely hoping for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 84