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Today, I was at the beach with my friend for vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML

#6618449
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23265) - you deserved it (8456)

On 12/05/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by yoyo22 - United States

Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML

#20088451
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23265) - you deserved it (2586)

On 09/25/2012 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

#20133890
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23265) - you deserved it (1918)

On 10/26/2012 at 3:58am - health - by Weasel123 - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML

#19205333
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23264) - you deserved it (1909)

On 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm - misc - by wtf dad (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML

#18145802
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23263) - you deserved it (5132)

On 11/03/2011 at 7:48am - misc - by Tyler Smith - United States

Today, while I was working at the golf course, two kids stole a golf cart and pulled a snowboard behind it. When I tried to stop them, they ran me over. FML

#17777844
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23261) - you deserved it (3659)

On 09/19/2011 at 1:09am - work - by Branman2480 - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the nursing home I work at, and my boss asked me if I'm serious about my job, telling me that I've been acting strange and not working hard enough. She wants to drug test me. The real reason I'm not 100% is because I have a stomach ulcer from the stress of working there. FML

#14483355
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23260) - you deserved it (2186)

On 01/06/2011 at 7:21am - work - by sick (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my fiancée informed me she'd invited her ex-husband to our wedding at her parents' request. FML

#19480512
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23259) - you deserved it (1797)

On 04/16/2012 at 8:57pm - love - by Tony (man) - United States

Today, I was woken up by a noise coming from the bathroom. Upon investigation, I discovered my very drunk, giggling girlfriend attempting to urinate standing up. Carefully note the word "attempting". FML

#19756840
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23259) - you deserved it (2024)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:54pm - love - by SprinklerDodger (man) - Denmark (Syddanmark)

Today, I learned that my doctor lost all of my immunization records. I can't start law school without them. FML

#20442687
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23258) - you deserved it (1471)

On 01/04/2013 at 3:51pm - health - by bureaucratic assfuckery (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I got my first driving lesson from my dad. We traded seats, I started the car and his entire lesson was, "Go." FML

#18475909
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23257) - you deserved it (3525)

On 12/10/2011 at 11:45am - misc - by Maggie (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, while trying on a dress, my sister came up behind me and poked my back, asking, “What have you stuck down your dress?” I hadn’t put anything down the back of my dress; it was just my back fat. FML

#5953785
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23253) - you deserved it (9275)

On 10/23/2009 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

#19249528
597 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23253) - you deserved it (53071)

On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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