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Today, I found myself wondering if my sister's jaw makes the same clicking sound when she's giving head as it does when she's eating food. FML

Today, I started the day at my local Starbucks. I was greeted with smiles from everyone I made eye contact with and left the store feeling really good about myself. I got home and checked myself out in the mirror, only to realize I had cut myself shaving and my neck was covered in dried blood. FML

Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML

#345
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24095) - you deserved it (4695)

On 11/19/2008 at 11:37pm - misc - by lageste - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to the library to pick up Romeo and Juliet, for my English class. After looking around for half an hour, I asked the librarian. "I couldn't find Shakespeare anywhere. Where could I find him?" She quickly replied "He's dead", giggled to herself, and went back to her work. FML

#13599206
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24096) - you deserved it (8116)

On 10/26/2010 at 3:48am - misc - by skippy_liz (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my little sister put on some black eyeliner on my eyes. About half an hour later, my eyes started to hurt. Eyeliner never hurt for me; so I went to the bathroom to check it out. My sister wasn't using eyeliner. It was a black watercolor pencil. Now I have black bits inside my eyes. FML

#14430007
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24095) - you deserved it (5596)

On 01/01/2011 at 9:48pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I woke up to find my power was out. After taking a shower in the dark and being unable to make myself lunch, my power came on two minutes before I had to leave for school. FML

#10669832
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24090) - you deserved it (3560)

On 05/21/2010 at 3:12pm - misc - by Samuel (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work I tried to help an old man by opening the door for him. He flipped me off because I was wearing a Kansas State University shirt. FML

#15172903
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24089) - you deserved it (8653)

On 03/02/2011 at 5:10am - work - by Ivan -

Today, I found out the fund-raiser my uncle ran to raise money for his cancer treatment was all a sham, that he doesn't even have cancer, and that the money was to fund a coke habit nobody knew he even had. FML

#21383487
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24101) - you deserved it (1559)

On 03/29/2015 at 9:33am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Philippines (Benguet)

Today, I was telling my co-workers about how I'd gotten tickets to a concert in a few days. My boss overheard. Later, he told me I now have to work on the night of the concert. However, he was kind enough to offer to buy the tickets off me for half of what I'd paid for them. FML

#20106327
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24086) - you deserved it (2135)

On 10/07/2012 at 8:09pm - work - by working_as_usual (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

#21311642
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24081) - you deserved it (6881)

On 12/04/2014 at 8:56pm - misc - by shugette212 - United States

Today, I came back to my room and sat down at my desk to find pile short, curly hairs on it. Neither me or my roommate have curly hair, and it isn't mine. I think he trimmed his pubes over my desk and forgot to clean it up. FML

#9171257
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24080) - you deserved it (2493)

On 03/17/2010 at 9:55pm - intimacy - by pubes (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

#20159802
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24081) - you deserved it (1434)

On 11/11/2012 at 11:30pm - misc - by me - United States (Indiana)

Today, I drove the six hours to LA to attend my Uncle's birthday party. When I tried to get off at the exit, it took me two hours just to get onto the street where the club was. By the time I showed up, the party was already over, so I ended up going to a Denny's. I drove eight hours for a Denny's. FML

#6898693
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24078) - you deserved it (4124)

On 12/23/2009 at 5:24am - misc - by BeautifulDisastre (woman) - United States (California)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

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