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Today, my husband and I had just got over a big argument, and I asked him to cut me some cucumbers for my eyes to help me relax. I was laying down, eyed closed, and he set them on my eyes. They weren't cucumbers, they were lemons. FML

#16304417
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21118) - you deserved it (42335)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:58pm - misc - by lemonhead -

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML

#8250207
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21118) - you deserved it (3063)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:52pm - love - by RosesAreRed (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

#18098889
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21117) - you deserved it (9505)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:44pm - misc - by ricksterile - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mobile phone wouldn't turn on. I took it in to the phone store, but they won't fix or replace it because the account is in my dad's name, not mine. He's abroad for the next month, and the only way to get a hold of him is on a number I only stored on my phone. FML

#19511679
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21115) - you deserved it (5019)

On 04/22/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by dontbuysamsung (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

#14065722
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21113) - you deserved it (3696)

On 12/02/2010 at 10:42pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

#13459944
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21113) - you deserved it (3037)

On 10/15/2010 at 3:35pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
153 comments

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

#20187746
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21099) - you deserved it (1835)

On 12/02/2012 at 9:05am - misc - by Sam - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday". He works in a bank and helps "capitalism consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

#8043963
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21095) - you deserved it (4665)

On 02/09/2010 at 4:49am - misc - by Brokenheartz - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was in the shops and the lights all of a sudden went out. I got really scared for no reason because it was pitch black and grabbed onto my mum's hand. When the light's got turned on I was holding on to a random guy's hand. FML

#9572677
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21095) - you deserved it (8621)

On 04/02/2010 at 7:33am - misc - by Gina - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

#600
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21093) - you deserved it (15800)

On 12/26/2008 at 1:32am - misc - by Lola - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went in for a doctors appointment. When I got on the scale, I was really excited to see that I'd lost ten pounds since the last time I weighed myself at the gym. The doctor then severely lectured me on the fact that I had gained twenty since my visit last year. FML

#9160182
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21093) - you deserved it (8467)

On 03/17/2010 at 2:26pm - health - by Betty (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I went to help a friend move into her new apartment. We were half-way through when it started to rain, and in my anger I yelled that it's like these things happen just to annoy me. Then we heard the tornado sirens. FML

#19203363
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21093) - you deserved it (3656)

On 03/02/2012 at 4:15pm - misc - by wtf did I do - United States



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