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Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find no toilet paper and a piece of shitty wallpaper in the bowl. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2015 at 10:32am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hosted a "Night Out Against Crime" party at our local park. Only three people came, they robbed our fundraiser booth. FML

by no money anymore / 01/17/2012 at 10:31pm / United States / Money

Today, I started the day at my local Starbucks. I was greeted with smiles from everyone I made eye contact with and left the store feeling really good about myself. I got home and checked myself out in the mirror, only to realize I had cut myself shaving and my neck was covered in dried blood. FML

Today, I was trying to get to my boyfriend via public transport in Thailand. He was giving the driver instructions through my phone when my phone went flat. I am now alone in the passenger seat of a car, next to a creepy old driver, no idea where he is taking me, and I don't speak a word of Thai. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2010 at 12:05am / Thailand (Krung Thep) / Transportation

Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML

by K / 02/15/2011 at 9:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was chaperoning at my local high school's Homecoming dance. Outside the gym, I saw some kids drinking, so I walked over to stop them. One of them promptly spun around and punched me in the mouth. I had my ass handed to by a drunk 9th grader. FML

by smeeagain / 10/20/2011 at 9:17pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place and finally gain my full independence. My mom agreed happily without hesitation, which was surprising, but not anywhere near as surprising as finding out I have one day to get my shit together and leave. FML

by anonymous / 05/05/2015 at 2:42am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the bathroom. If only I could get my husband to do the same. FML

by JustSom / 05/04/2015 at 10:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

by Hugh_Jankles / 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to repeat my order in Starbucks three times because the barista was staring at my chest. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2011 at 11:30pm / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2012 at 1:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the library to pick up Romeo and Juliet, for my English class. After looking around for half an hour, I asked the librarian. "I couldn't find Shakespeare anywhere. Where could I find him?" She quickly replied "He's dead", giggled to herself, and went back to her work. FML

by skippy_liz / 10/26/2010 at 3:48am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm from eagerly scratching off a lottery ticket. No, I didn't win anything. FML

by Kotoko / 04/06/2013 at 12:59am / United States (Texas) / Health