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Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML

by Kolkata / 08/05/2012 at 7:25pm / Canada / Kids

Today, my cousin's husband argued adamantly that the Earth doesn't rotate, and treated me like an idiot when I explained why he was wrong. Not even a video from space of the Earth rotating convinced him. This idiot is a teacher. FML

by Schizomaniac / 08/25/2015 at 1:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

by nothowtheydoitinalabama / 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was hanging out with my brother and his friends. While we were walking to the store, there was a loud snap. Everyone jumped. My bra had snapped, and I had to hold back tears of pain and pretend I was just as confused as they were, while they searched for the source of the sound. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 7:58pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I was chaperoning at my local high school's Homecoming dance. Outside the gym, I saw some kids drinking, so I walked over to stop them. One of them promptly spun around and punched me in the mouth. I had my ass handed to by a drunk 9th grader. FML

by smeeagain / 10/20/2011 at 9:17pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

by Whoops / 09/03/2009 at 4:28pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to repeat my order in Starbucks three times because the barista was staring at my chest. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2011 at 11:30pm / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find no toilet paper and a piece of shitty wallpaper in the bowl. FML

by Anonymous / 02/05/2015 at 10:32am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the bathroom. If only I could get my husband to do the same. FML

by JustSom / 05/04/2015 at 10:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I hosted a "Night Out Against Crime" party at our local park. Only three people came, they robbed our fundraiser booth. FML

by no money anymore / 01/17/2012 at 10:31pm / United States / Money

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2012 at 1:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm from eagerly scratching off a lottery ticket. No, I didn't win anything. FML

by Kotoko / 04/06/2013 at 12:59am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was conducting a meeting regarding safety concerns on my field site. While I made a comment, a client rep yelled out that women don't know construction, and that I should be acting like a proper secretary and should get my boss. I'm the Construction Manager. FML

by ConstructionLady / 11/13/2012 at 1:49am / United States / Work