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Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8139) - you deserved it (13499)
On 03/14/2010 at 6:50am - misc - by Hatty (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8138) - you deserved it (28432)
On 11/30/2010 at 10:23am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was so starved of human contact that I almost took up a transsexual hooker's offer of a "good time." Nothing wrong with that really, but they looked like a haunted tree dressed as Liza Minnelli. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8138) - you deserved it (13268)
On 09/05/2011 at 10:38pm - intimacy - by Username (man) - United States (California)
Today, I asked my boyfriend if my ass looked big in my new jeans. He looked, and then started singing "I like big butts and I cannot lie". FML
I agree, your life sucks (8137) - you deserved it (30322)
On 01/07/2011 at 8:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Orebro Lan)
Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (8130) - you deserved it (21125)
On 10/27/2010 at 7:47am - kids - by Lisaaa - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I attempted to bleach my body hair so I wouldn't have to shave. A little while later, I realized that I'd also succeeded in bleaching my skin, which was incredibly noticeable. I'm hosting a pool party this weekend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8126) - you deserved it (39135)
On 06/23/2011 at 2:56pm - health - by run4fun (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, at a bar, a woman approched me and tried to set me up with her friend. Looking around, the only people in the bar were a man reading the paper and a very ugly woman, looking at me and smiling. I worriedly replied, "I'm sorry, but I'm gay." Turns out her friend was the one reading the paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8123) - you deserved it (26606)
On 01/12/2010 at 5:26am - love - by awkward23 (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was walking down the street hand in hand with my girlfriend. I couldn't help but stare at a gorgeous girl as she bent down to pick something up. It was such a great sight, I didn't notice the metal telephone pole directly in my path. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8122) - you deserved it (68462)
On 07/13/2011 at 12:02pm - misc - by sorehead (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to my first meeting at the university women's group, excited to become a more involved feminist. The first item on the meeting's agenda? The upcoming bake sale. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8122) - you deserved it (19699)
On 04/06/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by feminismlol (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8120) - you deserved it (26942)
On 07/10/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by jennyygrace - United States (Florida)
Today, I finally got around to doing laundry. The washing machines in my condominium building take about an hour to do a load. When I returned to throw my clothes in a dryer, I realized they were never washed in the first place. I used my card and detergent to pay for another person's laundry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8118) - you deserved it (23924)
On 07/06/2010 at 1:14am - misc - by Pickle (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8117) - you deserved it (32821) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8116) - you deserved it (42304)
On 10/10/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by loser - Sent from mobile version
Monday 20 May 2013
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