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Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

#19818500
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27798) - you deserved it (3502)

On 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML

#20105847
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27797) - you deserved it (1692)

On 10/07/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by RIP (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

#20488845
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27798) - you deserved it (2173)

On 02/01/2013 at 10:26am - misc - by kylie18xx21 (woman) - United States

Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML

#21498941
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27796) - you deserved it (3508)

On 12/01/2015 at 2:02pm - misc - by BUSTED. - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

#13975115
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27794) - you deserved it (7375)

On 11/25/2010 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, my wife and I were doing it when the phone rang. She answered it, and rode me while carrying on a more than a five minute conversation with her father. FML

#5211678
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27793) - you deserved it (4136)

On 09/12/2009 at 6:13pm - intimacy - by 0ros (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I had an hour long meeting with my manager where she informed me the reason I had not been promoted is because she felt that people would not like to work for me, because I would, "make them do their job." FML

#19811134
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27793) - you deserved it (1963)

On 06/19/2012 at 3:00am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the sewage pipe busted on the side of our house, spew fecal matter and the condoms I recently flushed. My parents now refuse to talk to me, and won't let my girlfriend anywhere near the house. FML

#21027629
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27791) - you deserved it (47893)

On 01/14/2014 at 12:59pm - misc - by ===== (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)

Today, I found a guy getting out of my car with my GPS. He started running and I chased him. We eventually reached a dead end and he gave it back to me. I took it back from him and said, "Sorry..." FML

#3430
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27790) - you deserved it (6490)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by FailBear - United States (California)

Today, at work, I was standing at the till helping an attractive man. I have a cold and could feel the snot bubbling up. He orders and we flirt for a bit. Just as I'm about to hand him his product, I sneeze quite loudly and forcefully all over his face. Guess I won't be getting that number. FML

#5955590
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27790) - you deserved it (8177)

On 10/23/2009 at 4:56am - work - by BoogieCandy. (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was on a crowded bus on the way back from my boyfriend's when I suddenly had a terrible nose bleed. I had no tissues, so instead I had to use last night's underwear from my bag. FML

#14366968
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27788) - you deserved it (5160)

On 12/28/2010 at 5:47am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my roommate told me that she wants to get some of those "My Family" stickers for her car. She's single and has no children. What does she want to get? One for her, and one for her goldfish. Sadly, this is probably one of the most intelligent things she's said all week. FML

#20528651
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27787) - you deserved it (3589)

On 03/02/2013 at 9:35pm - misc - by dumbass for a flatmate - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I auditioned for the musical at my school. Before I sang my song, I gave my music to the director. She said "Oh, I love this song!". After I sang it, she told me, "Its okay, I still like the song." FML

#14896
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27786) - you deserved it (4802)

On 02/08/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by None (woman) - United States (Washington)



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