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Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML

#21408360
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26230) - you deserved it (3909)

On 05/11/2015 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I took the train home. When seated, I suddenly noticed something wet on my seat. Without looking, I thought it was water since it was snowing outside. Guess again. It was vomit. FML

#6868813
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26229) - you deserved it (6695)

On 12/21/2009 at 5:36pm - misc - by herzausstein (man) - Belgium (Limburg)

Today, I went to a fast food restaurant. The guy behind me was a pretty hot latin guy. When I went to pay, my purse fell off the counter. My birth control pills, a condom, 3 super plus tampons and an extra pair of underwear I keep in there for emergencies fell out at his feet. FML

#5739
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26228) - you deserved it (10763)

On 02/02/2009 at 7:42pm - misc - by houdini - United States (California)

Today, I was very sick, and my boyfriend was taking care of me at his parents' house. I was laying on the couch, innocently watching a movie while he rubbed my feet, when his stepmother came home from work. She freaked out, accused us of having it off on her couch, and kicked me out. FML

#8611992
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26228) - you deserved it (2224)

On 02/24/2010 at 9:18am - misc - by Greymoya (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that the only one willing to hang out with me this summer is my guinea pig. FML

#12069298
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26228) - you deserved it (5652)

On 07/23/2010 at 6:15pm - misc - by bored2death - United States

Today, my mother is trying to convince me to divorce my husband. He has a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder and she believes this means he kills people. FML

#19742769
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26228) - you deserved it (2801)

On 06/06/2012 at 4:06am - love - by facepalm (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to politely explain to my mother that I'm allergic to her laundry soap. She just called me crazy. I have been scratching for three days straight and my skin is almost all red. She refuses to buy anything else. FML

Today, before going to bed my phone lit up and I got all excited because I thought it was a text message. My phone was finished charging. FML

#1611254
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26226) - you deserved it (44008)

On 05/03/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by nolove (woman) - Canada

Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML

#19309925
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26226) - you deserved it (1901)

On 03/19/2012 at 9:03pm - animals - by CA19oo - United States (Georgia)

Today, it was my birthday. When my crush spotted me in the hallway and wished me a Happy Birthday, my nerves got the best of me and I blurted, "You too". FML

#19795247
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26223) - you deserved it (4679)

On 06/16/2012 at 12:58am - love - by thefailwhale (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my car got stolen. While I was standing ten feet away from it. FML

#18440924
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26220) - you deserved it (6760)

On 12/05/2011 at 10:54pm - misc - by smileytheface - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in the car going to a concert with my family. I was listening to my iPod, when the wheel broke and I couldn't change the song. So for the rest of the trip, I was stuck either listening to my parents arguing, or Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin on repeat. FML

#12782380
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26219) - you deserved it (5809)

On 08/28/2010 at 2:07am - misc - by dontworrybehappy (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

#21359857
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26219) - you deserved it (3063)

On 02/20/2015 at 2:25pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)



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