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Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 1:08am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML

by impickingyourhomegran / 08/13/2012 at 6:12pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

by Why Me? / 01/31/2013 at 4:07am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day at my new job at a nursing home. Not only were we short staffed, two residents passed away, and I got beaten up by an old man. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 7:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2013 at 2:57am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was a pocket dial. I decided to listen to it carefully and realized it was him having sex with another girl. FML

by donkeyd / 02/05/2010 at 11:29am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my college class was talking about Felix Baumgartner, who jumped from the edge of space down to earth. A boy suddenly put his head up and said in a serious tone, "I thought he jumped from the moon?" Several girls concurred. This is my generation. FML

by Mouse / 10/17/2012 at 7:15pm / Kids

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

by Whoops / 09/03/2009 at 4:28pm / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous

Today, my stomach started to hurt. When I got home, my parents had company over, which I had to rush past to use the bathroom. After being in the bathroom for about 3 minutes, my mother yells to me from the other room, in front of the guests, "Are you OK in there?" I'm 27. FML

by struckbystarzz / 03/27/2015 at 9:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to in two years come online. I IM'ed him, only for him to respond, "I haven't responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint." FML

by wingless_angel_7 / 12/02/2010 at 6:43pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML

by Court / 02/21/2010 at 9:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I politely complimented a stranger's excellent posture. She responded by saying "I have a metal rod in my back." FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, my son sprayed the bottom of my car and windows white with fake snow in Christmas cheer. He did a great job, except he used white spray paint instead of the fake snow. FML

by teejayrn / 12/15/2012 at 6:48am / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation