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Today, I found out a 6-month pregnant woman is claiming my boyfriend to be the father. Even though this would have been previous to our relationship, he already has two kids from getting girls pregnant in high school. I guess he didn't learn his lesson the first two times. FML

#13708556
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25296) - you deserved it (15340)

On 11/03/2010 at 11:16pm - love - by bummed (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that when people in my apartment complex warn their kids about strangers, they use me as the example. FML

#19348901
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25296) - you deserved it (3760)

On 03/26/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by iamnotalawyer (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club pointing to the woman. It was his mother. FML

#1146532
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25295) - you deserved it (58069)

On 04/20/2009 at 3:59am - misc - by SuperBunny (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

#7340967
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25293) - you deserved it (3543)

On 01/14/2010 at 4:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my son told me he needed a haircut. I was thrilled that he actually requested it, since he normally throws a fit over getting them. He described the cut he wants. It's a mullet. FML

#19523693
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25293) - you deserved it (3019)

On 04/24/2012 at 7:59pm - kids - by DaveAlmighty (man) - United States

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML

#13929879
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25291) - you deserved it (4755)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:33pm - work - by poomaster - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of two years said he would finally take me somewhere romantic. I spent my day at a Star Wars convention. FML

#7936771
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25290) - you deserved it (6294)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:29pm - love - by cherrycokeee - Sent from mobile version

Today, while making New Year's resolutions, I realized that I haven't hung out with anybody other than my family in over two years and I started crying. When my mom came in and I explained why I was crying, she replied, "Well that sucks. I'm off to have lunch with some friends. See you later!" FML

#14432295
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25288) - you deserved it (7488)

On 01/02/2011 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

#20108910
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25287) - you deserved it (1966)

On 10/09/2012 at 9:57am - work - by Johnnogood (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

#21393477
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25286) - you deserved it (3578)

On 04/14/2015 at 11:08am - health - by howaboutthemcarrots - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML

#19998761
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25285) - you deserved it (2714)

On 08/02/2012 at 5:08pm - misc - by danonno (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my pants ripped while I was at work. I had to keep my balls to the wall while I dodged customers and edged ever closer to the break room. Before I could call my wife and ask her to bring a new pair, my boss burst in, got pissed, and made me go back out and deal with irate customers. FML

#20487736
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25284) - you deserved it (2055)

On 01/31/2013 at 3:27pm - work - by fuckit (man) - Italy (Lazio)

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

#21345020
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25283) - you deserved it (2892)

On 01/27/2015 at 10:09am - animals - by dogproblems (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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