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Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2013 at 2:57am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I looked sad. I told him that I found out a co-worker died over the weekend and I failed my final exam. He then informed me that my toilet was clogged again, that he had a lot of work to do, and left. I have to find a plunger. FML

by Scat / 12/15/2009 at 2:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

by ubbernoob / 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm / United States (Arkansas) / Health

Today, I am pregnant, sober, designated driver, and puke cleaner. Yay for the New Year! FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 1:08am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

by Why Me? / 01/31/2013 at 4:07am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4am to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

by dumbdad / 09/07/2010 at 8:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to in two years come online. I IM'ed him, only for him to respond, "I haven't responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint." FML

by wingless_angel_7 / 12/02/2010 at 6:43pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed that even though I got all my Christmas shopping done a month earlier than usual, I forgot to put anything in the mail. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2014 at 3:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I swerved to miss hitting a kitten, over-corrected, hit and killed the cat, and totaled my truck by hitting a parked car. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 12:29am / United States / Animals

Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M and M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages. FML

by kirstiexoxo / 02/07/2012 at 3:11am / United States / Money

Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML

by Firepants / 08/28/2010 at 12:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I got into a staring contest with my dog. I actually cheered when I won. FML

by Lifeless / 06/01/2011 at 3:39am / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML

by lizardface / 08/23/2010 at 6:44pm / United States (California) / Health