Aujourd'hui, réceptionniste dans un vieux château-hôtel actuellement fermé, il n’y a donc aucun client et je suis la seule membre du personnel. Je viens de recevoir un appel de la chambre 35. VDM
Aujourd'hui, ma fille m'avoue qu'elle se fait harceler sexuellement par un garçon de sa classe. J'ai par la suite découvert que le garçon en question est le fils de mon patron. Celui-là même qui me fait du rentre dedans depuis mon arrivée dans son entreprise. VDM
Aujourd'hui, je me fais livrer au huitième étage une armoire achetée 59€ et qui pèse une tonne. Sauf que les livreurs se sont arrêtés au cinquième étage, ont laissé l'armoire sur place, et je dois me démerder toute seule. Je n'avais pas vu qu'ils étaient limités "à cinq étages seulement." VDM
Aujourd'hui, il fait tellement froid dans mon studio d'étudiant que l'eau des toilettes a gelé. VDM
Today, my insanely religious 60-year-old neighbor screamed at me when I left my home to go to work. I was wearing jeans and that’s apparently improper for a female adult. FML
Aujourd'hui, dans le cadre d'un cours sur l'image, nous cherchons nos noms sur Google. Je viens de comprendre pourquoi on ne me rappelait jamais pour un stage : j'ai une homonyme visiblement très fêtarde. Je ne sais pas si elle me ressemble de visage, mais j'ai bien vu ses fesses. VDM
Aujourd'hui, durant de longues heures, mon compagnon a exprimé son mécontentement en me boudant fortement. Le motif ? J'ai refusé de faire des grillades dans la cheminée de notre petit appartement. VDM
Today, after my wife and I have been trying for a baby for 2 years, I found out she's still on the pill. Apparently when she was a teen she had bad period cramps, so her doctor gave her the pill for the pain. She never realized it stops pregnancy. FML
Aujourd'hui, au cinéma, pendant le film, le gérant du cinéma est entré dans la salle et a demandé à qui appartenait la 307 sur le parking. C’est ma voiture. J’arrive dehors, ma voiture ne gênait pas mais brûlait. VDM
Aujourd'hui, mon fiancé a voulu me rendre service et a repassé ma robe de mariée. Sauf que le fer était trop chaud et il m'a laissé une belle grosse trace. On se marie dans 10 jours. VDM
Aujourd'hui, première rencontre avec ma belle-mère. Pour l'occasion, je lui apporte une belle boîte de pralines et la lui donne toute souriante. Sa réponse : "On mange pas de chocolats ici ! Je vais les donner aux filles de la voisine." VDM
Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML
Today, during a job interview, I was offered a sandwich. I politely declined, explaining that I'm a coeliac and would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" and that gluten-free eating is just a fad. I had to leave when he kept pushing me to accept it. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML
Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML
Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML
Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
Today, I was eating at a diner one of my friends from work recommended to me. I ordered a chicken salad sandwich, which was pretty good despite the used Band-Aid in it. FML
Today, a woman threw a sandwich at me, told me to go back to "fucktard island" and demanded to see my manager. All because the mayonnaise sandwich she ordered, shockingly enough, had mayonnaise in it. FML
Today, a large spider climbed inside my lunchbox while my mom was making me sandwiches. She didn't tell me about it until after I got home from school, though, and only because I mentioned a strange aftertaste in the sandwiches. She said she didn't want me to worry over lunch because she knows I hate spiders. FML
Today, a woman came in to order lunch. She ordered a sandwich then asked for me to configure it precisely to her complicated desires. This took a whole 5 minutes, during the lunch rush. When I told her the cost, she decided it was too expensive and cancelled her order. FML
Today, I'm 8 weeks pregnant and suffering from severe pregnancy brain. I was making my husband's lunch to take to work. I realised shortly after he left that I'd used dish soap instead of BBQ sauce for his sandwich. He has to turn his phone off for work, so I have no way to warn him. FML
Today, I woke up after being sick from the flu and tried to get out of bed. I forgot I was in a bunk bed and broke my ankle in the fall down. FML
Today, it's my 18th birthday. As I moved out of home to study, and currently spend 95% of my wage on rent, I asked my mother for any amount of money as my gift. I desperately need new shoes and underwear, and haven't eaten for two days. Instead, I got a pair of earrings. FML
Today, at 6 weeks pregnant, I went to the ER in the middle of the night for severe abdominal pain, fearing an ectopic pregnancy. Turns out it was just a wayward turd. FML
Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put his dog shock collar on me to wake me in lieu of my alarm. You know how those cartoon characters look when they're electrocuted? That's exactly how I woke up. FML
Aujourd'hui, après avoir été gratifiée d'un "tais-toi la parano hypocondriaque !" pour avoir déconseillé à mon copain de sortir torse nu sur la terrasse par -2, j'ai dû rester à son chevet pour soigner sa grippe et ses 40 de fièvre. VDM
Aujourd'hui, j'envisage de planter un arbre dans mon jardin. Je me renseigne donc sur les différentes espèces sur Internet. Incrédule, j'ai tapé "Charme" dans la barre de recherche. Ma femme est passée derrière moi lors de l'affichage des résultats. Elle ne croit pas ma version de cette histoire. VDM
Today, I was put on academic suspension only to find out my professor entered my grade wrong. I lost my financial aid and have to explain to my parents why I’m not in college anymore. FML
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