dmann77077

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Dmann77077's favorite FMLs

By getmeoutofthiscountry - 19/07/2013 19:06 - United States

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

agreeclassic 61 180

vote type 1 4 095

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

agreeclassic 800

vote type 1 1 943

By anonymous - 17/07/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

agreeclassic 62 672

vote type 1 7 408

Demented

By Anonymous - 16/06/2013 18:49 - France - Le Rove

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

agreeclassic 54 393

vote type 1 3 166

By woof woof?? - 15/06/2013 20:26 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog. Now he won't stop patting my head and saying, "Who's a good girl?!" FML

agreeclassic 64 952

vote type 1 10 027