Today, my husband and my daughter engaged in a fart war. Guess who go to do a pile of shitty laundry, while the other texted his friends about the “hilarious” incident? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML
Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML
Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML
Today, my husband left our bedroom to go turn the thermostat down in the hall. I let out the smelliest fart, so bad that I had to blame it on our baby. He laughed and said, "I leave for one second and come back and it smells like a sewer in here." FML
Today, my kid was on an app that makes fart noises. After too many minutes of this, I wrestled the phone away. He then went on to make real farts. Stinky ones. Then, had the inevitable shart, along with hysterical laughter. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Roxy Rousseau 11
Why are you doing the laundry of a grown man who shat himself? The real FML is not standing up for yourself
BigSissy 14
You could have said no…
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (8)
BigSissy 14
You could have said no…
Yolanda Patrice Evans 17
Are you not an adult and parent or did I miss something? Speak your mind and find a solution, complaining to us about shit you have the power to change is ridiculous
Roxy Rousseau 11
Why are you doing the laundry of a grown man who shat himself? The real FML is not standing up for yourself
metroido 21
pretty sure it was the daughter who shat herself…
RichardPencil 32
My guess is: Your husband and daughter.
AmbrosiaFan 19
In my house they would have done their laundry...
BigSissy 14
You could have said no…
fiat850 19
In any war, it's always the mothers who have it worst, dealing with the casualties.
wrenavery90 12
Why wouldn't you make them do the laundry? Nobody made you do it.