Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while at home, I accidentally let out a big, loud fart near my dad. When he asked what the noise was, I blamed it on the cat. I remembered too late that we don't have a cat. My dad caught on quickly and grounded me for lying in front of him. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML
Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
Today, I heard a scream that sounded suspiciously like my cat when he's just had a nightmare or is otherwise in a state of extreme distress. I found him chilling on my couch, so I walked back to my room, when I heard the scream again. I ran back and he was still chilling. It was my neighbor's son screaming outside. FML
Today, I woke up to noises from downstairs. I practically pissed my pants and called the cops. Turned out it was just my cat being a dickhead in the living room. FML
Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom trying to unclog my constipated ass when my cat pushed the door open and walked in. She sat and stared at me for a good 10 minutes. Then, as if she had seen enough, she started loudly meowing for no reason. It was like she was judging me for reading a book she didn't approve of. FML
Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
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Top comments
Andatop 16
Sounds like your dad has a guilty conscious
carolyn_m 19
How does a cat moan sound the same to a human moan? That's what I want to know
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Comments (51)
Andatop 16
Sounds like your dad has a guilty conscious
JuliaaNoelle 26
#3, I think #1 meant that if OP's dad jumps straight to that conclusion, he must be guilty of watching ****.
T_Young96 13
Well someone knows a pussy when they here one..
jenninator93 18
#13 let's be real... who isn't "guilty" of watching ****? Everyone does it, nothing wrong with it as long as it doesn't turn into a literal addiction.
RedPillSucks 33
while i agree that theres nothing wrong with it in moderation, not "everybody" does it.
TrippingOnAcid 29
Conscious and conscience are two different things
cre8tvlylicnsd 14
I think your cat set you up, OP. She probably walked away with a smirk because her plan came into fruition.
psyjoniz 12
a rather astute observation for one so young. you are going places others will not understand.
devildog562 33
He probably was just mad that he can't et anything to moan with him in the room. Besides everyone knows you watch **** in the kitchen when people are home not in the living room.
Adeptus_Astartes 22
Hmm, so that wasn't just mayonnaise I wiped off the floor, was it?
carolyn_m 19
How does a cat moan sound the same to a human moan? That's what I want to know
Erebus_Terror 12
I see you have never been in touch with cats in heat.
cherry_popper69 11
Or maybe #4's first thought wasn't "can't wait to see what my cats moan sounds like"
tdawg91 17
**** stars don't sound the same as a human moan either
carolyn_m 19
Only you would know that
Dodge4x4Ram 46
that's some loud house pussy cat you got their
Norja 33
There*
awkotaco333 15
Your dad has heard some weird ass moans
Exodiafinder687 58
"Ass moans?" I always just called them farts.
RedPillSucks 33
*giggle
FiendHunter 19
Cat ****?
loloalltheway 23
No I swear it was the cat! - not a believable excuse.
MistahJ94 8
Either your dad is stupid or he was right and you were watching ****
quickit 24
Or the cat moaned and that's why this is an FML.
MrFluff 9
Cat ****? Ironic my name is MrFluff. Watching me maybe?
ToastedSyrup 16
"We" being your dad and yourself or you and the cat?