The Top

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By Anonyme - 22/10/2013 07:13 - France - Rouen

Today, I found a pad in my son’s underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 56

By Anonymous - 01/07/2013 17:49 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I saw my former high school teacher at the mall. After a nice conversation, she mentioned that I "still dress like a slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 874

You deserved it 21 384

By Raaaaage - 22/07/2012 06:54 - United States - Torrance

Today, my sister and I had a huge fight because I flushed the toilet while she was taking a bath. The faucet for the bath was not running, but she insisted that she felt the water in the tub turn "scalding hot." She won't listen when I try to explain to her that it doesn't work like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 163

You deserved it 2 148

By Anonyme - 24/07/2010 15:09 - Israel

Today, I picked up my six-year-old son after the karate class I’d signed him up for the holidays. As he got out, I could see he was disappointed so I asked him what was wrong. “It’s lame, we’re not even going to learn how to make fireballs.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 704

You deserved it 76

My body hates me

By HappilyNeverAfter - 18/09/2014 03:14 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 871

You deserved it 5 294

Get over it

By Anonymous - 03/12/2009 08:39 - United States

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 773

You deserved it 2 743

By Fatnotpregnant - 30/03/2017 16:00

Today, I now know why my new jeans are so comfy. They're maternity jeans. I thought the soft elastic in front was just for added comfort. Apparently, I need to lose some weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 164

You deserved it 1 317

By slavelaborsux - 29/08/2011 23:59 - United States

Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 825

You deserved it 3 913

Technology hates humans

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 11:01

Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much into it, loving the alone time and myself, and was on the edge of climax when my vibrator died. This brought me to tears, because all I wanted to do was be alone and masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 307

The Destroyer

By mr_p - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300-pound man walked out, shook his head, and said, "I'm sorry" to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 558

You deserved it 3 690

By wantsleep - 28/12/2016 08:25

Today, my boss continues to think it's appropriate to send me whining texts about work at midnight. Or 4 a.m. I think his complaints about not selling as much candy as he expected can wait till work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 795

You deserved it 331

By Anonymous - 26/12/2016 05:59

Today, I dropped the collection basket during Christmas Mass at my Catholic church. Money and checks fell all over the floor and everyone was staring at me. I was too stunned to even pick it up. There were about 1,500 people from our town there and my family won't stop bringing it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 626

You deserved it 1 571

By Failure - 22/12/2016 03:32

Today, despite having glowing recommendations, stellar grades, and an impressive resumé, I was rejected by all 15 colleges that I applied to. No explanation or reasons have been given, and it's too late to apply to any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 887

You deserved it 945

By Anonymous - 14/06/2013 00:30 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 198

You deserved it 7 067

By DopeDickDover - 26/10/2015 15:50 - United States

Today, at school, a cute girl kept glancing up at me, giggling, and looking away as soon as I looked at her. So naturally I walked up to her and asked if she wanted to go out sometime. She said she didn't like me, she was just laughing at how big a zit was on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 398

You deserved it 2 584

By frenchgirl - 23/11/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 738

You deserved it 6 837

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 03:02 - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 044

You deserved it 16 527

By Anonymous - 22/05/2019 06:04

Today, I told my toddler to put the cat down, so he did. On my leg. I guess I should have been more specific. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 294

The great pretender

By abbielane - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Rochester

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 581

You deserved it 3 917

By pimmster - 14/12/2016 16:54 - United Kingdom - Smethwick

Today, I wanted quiet time, so I decided to go out for a walk in the dark. It was cold, so I made a mess of my room trying to find my favourite hat. When I got back home, I was greeted by my mother in tears with cries of, "Oh thank god you're back!" She thought I'd run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 111

You deserved it 1 155

pimmster tells us more.

pimmster 5

Thursday 15 December 2016 14:10

I'm 19 so it is a Fml

By Anonymous - 14/08/2014 21:13 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 466

You deserved it 6 191

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 00:01

Today, my 5-year-old figured out that if he has a mouthful of milk and he blows really hard, he can blow the milk out of his nose like twin fire hoses. I’ve washed the carpet twice in the past day, and my house still stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 242

By amiadori - 01/05/2009 09:50 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 5 years cheated on me. When confronted she told me, "I didn't get wet so it wasn't cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 681

You deserved it 5 329

By AnAngryyGiraffe - 06/12/2016 04:46 - United States - Chatsworth

Today, after dropping my phone in the toilet, I left it dismantled outside in my backyard to dry hoping it could be saved. I forgot about the phone as well as the sprinklers that were scheduled to go off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 648

You deserved it 3 998

By kk- - 17/06/2019 17:05

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me and I'd chained-smoked all night, I had a driving test. With only 3 hours of sleep, I literally drove through a red light during the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 2 988

Another happy customer

By SupermarketSally - 25/11/2016 13:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 279

You deserved it 598

By DangerZone - 12/11/2009 03:05 - United States

Today, I was playing football for my school. I had the ball and was running down the sideline. The guy behind pulled my flag off along with my shorts and boxers. I dove to try to escape and I happened to land on the hottest girl in the class who was on the sideline. I had no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 970

You deserved it 5 127

By C0r1nn3 - 07/06/2012 04:02 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 908

You deserved it 5 106

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 17:39 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 583

You deserved it 41 833

No kink-shaming on FML

By thedoc - 15/07/2014 03:25 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 596

You deserved it 6 969

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The Top

Today, my husband sent me a link to an article titled "5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 161

You deserved it 7 810

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 192

You deserved it 4 940

Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time that my cats hadn't been going on it. It was a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 083

You deserved it 2 608

Today, I started my first day of work at my new job. They had a section in the parking lot for employees only, so I parked there. Apparently, my boss didn't recognize my car, and had it towed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 679

You deserved it 3 116

Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently, my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she's embarrassed of my real brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 516

You deserved it 3 071

Today, I discovered my new phone's voice command doesn't really understand my accent while I'm driving. It kept thinking I was saying, "Call my mum" instead of, "Open Maps". It called my mum 14 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 187