Today, while my husband and I were arguing, he walked away in the middle of my sentence yelling, "Remember babe, you're only my current wife!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She also confessed that she has been cheating on me with my best friend for 10 years. I appreciated the honesty, but was slightly upset considering we have only been married for 9 years. FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about celebrities he finds attractive. All of these beautiful, talented, glamorous women were starting to make me feel very plain, so he attempted to console me by saying, "But I love you. You're attainable!" FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, my wife, who has a drinking problem, looked me straight in the eye as she poured herself a "water" bottle to enjoy while at work. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML
Today, while sitting next to me, my boyfriend sent a text to one of his "friends" saying, "I'm thinking of you." FML
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years told me he had feelings for someone else. He also told me he wanted to continue dating me until things progressed further with the other woman. FML
Today, I was insulted and harassed by my sister and her boyfriend, all because I proposed yesterday. They were angry I might get married before they did. They have known each other since primary school; I met my fiancée earlier this year. FML
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Top comments
Egao_fml 8
What the?
greenie213 23
Past wives, future wives, midwives, good wives, bad wives, big wives, tall wives, fat wives, skinny wives. The list goes on and on!
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Comments (86)
Egao_fml 8
What the?
rhaemese 9
I would've ended up yelling back "and you're my 15"
ant1078 7
Nice hat kid!
mintcar 10
On another episode of Sister Wives..... Jk. But seriously, I want to say he's joking but you never know these days. I don't know what I'd do if I were in your position. Wow.
christyxbee 15
What an asshole!
chatoyant_fml 12
Lame dude. Kinda have the feeling he was about to lose the discussion?
gc327072 31
I believe in the world of debate we call this non-sequiter, meaning the statement has no real meaning, and is said in a threatening manner as a desperate attempt to gain ground.
folfg0 12
And 71. It's also a logical fallacy. Just because she is his current wife, doesn't mean he can find another wife. Time to run a Kritik! :D
walmartpaysme 15
I would have screamed back "I know I'm just waiting til you have an acceptable amount of cash before I divorce you and take half"
gc327072 31
95- touché, my friend! But it must have topicality, and must contribute to overall solvency of your case!
greenie213 23
111- YOU HAVE NO INHERENCY!!!!!!
gc327072 31
Well, you don't have stock issues, so there! >:-D
greenie213 23
I actually screamed that In round once. We lost.
gc327072 31
Lol 131 i bet the judge looked at you like "dafuq?"
greenie213 23
The worst part was when my partner got ahold of me.
zinoxity 23
From the context given by OP, I've come to the assumption that OP's husband was threatening to divorce.
fahd4life 1
Total control... Just saying.
TacoBelle 8
I would've yelled back "You keep this up and I'll be your widow."
dre9889 4
What other kind of wife is there?
greenie213 23
Past wives, future wives, midwives, good wives, bad wives, big wives, tall wives, fat wives, skinny wives. The list goes on and on!
MURIKKA 11
Trophy wives.
winnerme123 8
You forget ex-wives.
shelbzlynn 14
That's what past wives are.
dmac843 2
Future ex wives.
perdix 31
#6, it sounds like you are launching into the old Armour Hot Dogs jingle -- I was waiting for "even wives with chicken pox." If you're under 30, ask your parents.
sheethapins 13
Multiple wives....
mintcar 10
Sister wives.
Dblocker 18
Dead Wives.
Silent_Thrill 17
Wives that caught you with your secretary and threatened to tell your boss if you don't give her all your money an possessions. Oh... she knew it was your dream job and that you make mistakes easily. The secretary was a one time deal but still, she was gonna tell. She had to be taken care of so that no one would find ou..... oh never mind. #41 already said "dead wives"! Silly me.
twinkiefeets 17
27-I'm 35 and I have no idea what your talking about.
gc327072 31
#6 that reminds me of "Spill the wine" by war.
perdix 31
#69, Google and YouTube'll fix you right up. For about 60 seconds of effort, you'll be able to decide if comment 27 is funny or not.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Well there could be the raisin wife, or the sultana wife... food based puns - very palatable!
MyChemicalSmosh 4
Teleporting fat wives.
Tuffay 14
Great Jingle... I don't remember the words, but that never stops me from mumbling the song anyways.
GoodLookingGeese 10
Ugly and yelling wives are the worst ;)
walmartpaysme 15
How about wife for life? Can't people commit anymore!?
writergirl23 19
I know 105 it's sad ae
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Commit? What is this strange word you speak of?!
drkate25 30
I have a friend who refers to his wife (and mother of their 1 year old daughter) as his "future ex-wife" all the time.
Vegetarian27 24
I'm calling all wives. Now everyone report to the dance floor To the dance floor, to the dance floor Now everyone report to the dance floor Alright Stop!... Pajama time...
gashing 2
Haha i like u u make the serial killer in me o so excitable lmao
Dpac7 19
happy birthday to EMINEM
Kekslama 5
You forgot widows.
Welshite 40
Tell him he's only your current husband. That statement works too.
zingline89 18
Worst. Comeback. Ever.
supbabes 0
Bazinga
Welshite 40
#50: *shrugs* I tried. Do I get a trophy for most miserable failure? :)
domking1315 20
Alright at least you took it well and didnt try arguing, cause that never works on FML
Codezlol 21
Yeah??! Well, you're only MY current husband too!!... you... you big... you big dummy head you!!
fahd4life 1
100% agree with u.
sirpantselot 22
50, looks like 76 topped it!
teddybby 5
That's terrible :(
truth_spitta 0
As messed up as it is, I think it's actually pretty clever (I mean, in the sarcastic sense of saying it, not the serious sense)
stolencookie 17
It is kind of clever, but more of a cold-hearted smartass. You don't say that to a spouse or anyone you really love. That kind of comment can damage a relationship forever. :/
TrippingOnAcid 29
Wow, he must take marriage so seriously.
kittycat1597 10
That or he has more than one wife
crazycatlady5 6
54 - I'm sure that's legal!
raraisbang 12
117 haven't you ever heard of sister wives?? ;)
v1kt4r 13
If it isnt now, ot will be wen Romney is president.. Mormons rule!!! Lol
habibiiiiiii 2
People say all kinds of stupid things during a fight. At least op didn't sink to his level :/
minus20 4
Sounds like a reasonable man
KiddNYC1O 22
Not gonna lie, you're a handsome dude. I don't doubt you get all the pussy.
SenselessPattern 12
Pretty sure the eyes are what does it for me. The scaly green skin is a close second, though. Seriously, what kind of pimp are you? The Jizzard Lizard?
ant1078 7
Kentucky is killing it this week on FML!
zingline89 18
Being the pointless fact-checker that I am, I had to quickly cycle through the last 50 FMLs to see for myself. While I only came accross 2 from Kentucky, peculiarly enough there were 5 from Alberta. Given Alberta has a population less than Kentucky, all logic and reason points to Alberta being the unluckiest place on earth to live. Suck it Syria, you've been trumped. My college Logic and Reasoning professor would be so proud.
Thizzkidsgotgame 7
Thanks for doing what many of us were too lazy to do. Im satisfied.
enormouselephant 15
Hopefully only because you'll be leaving him!
Boob_fml 6
Yes! That's the answer! If you have an argument with your husband or wife you should get a divorce immediately! That's what I always do. Ask my 12th wife, we haven't even argued once.
Enslaved 38
Is he threatening you with divorce for arguing with him? What an ass!
supbabes 0
Never thought of it from that point of view
goose12321 11
I hate people who threaten with divorce just to get their way. So childish. If the relationship means that little to them to throw it away over an argument then you're probably better off without them.
XxskyelovexX 13
My mom constantly threatens divorce to my step dad. It pisses me off so much. I just leave the room and try to ignore it. I feel bad for my little brother he has to deal with it 24/7 while I only have to deal with it two days every other week.
outoftown 27
#67, His statement wasn't an escalation?! Perhaps OP can schedule an informational interview with a divorce attorney, just to be on the safe side.
winnerme123 8
Sounds like a man that can stop an argument with his wife very quickly.