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By Trapfail - 09/08/2021 04:01

Today, I claimed I was pregnant to get back at my ex and the girl he cheated on me with. I tagged him in my "ultrasound" pic, saying it was his baby, hoping she would dump him. Turns out there’s this thing called "reverse image search" and he posted the Google page where I got the ultrasound from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 7 902

Get outta here

By JMcKay - 26/01/2012 03:36 - Australia

Today, I found out that if a jock calls you a nerd in the street and you retaliate with a witty comeback, be prepared to run. Fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 108

You deserved it 6 148

By Flavorite - 10/02/2009 19:35 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 600

You deserved it 2 853

Old soul

By Olivia - 10/08/2021 02:01 - Australia

Today, I was asked if I had children who are in high school. I’m 17. This isn't the first time someone has mistaken me for a woman in her twenties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 185

Hangry

By Pam - 04/11/2022 10:00 - Chile - Santiago

Today, I accidentally dropped the batch of bread that was ready for the oven, after waiting for two hours. We have nothing else to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 197

By Allergic - 24/01/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 381

You deserved it 3 464

Make your mind up

By SickandTired - 22/03/2011 16:59 - Australia

Today, I went to work despite having a nasty cold. I didn't call up sick because last week when I called in, my boss said I was being "unprofessional and unacceptable." My boss sent me home with a written warning today, claiming that coming to work sick was "unprofessional and unacceptable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 794

You deserved it 3 784

Another fine mess

By Stephanie - 05/03/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I bought my wedding dress and sat it on the bed while I went to buy matching shoes. When I came home, I saw my soon to be husband on the bed sitting next to my wedding dress. Turns out he spilt Coca-Cola on the dress and was trying to get it out with carpet cleanser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 737

You deserved it 5 537

Remember socialising?

By Anonymous - 23/04/2020 23:00

Today, because of this fucking virus I was really excited to actually talk to another person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 301

By Cat Piss - 15/12/2013 16:58 - United States - Lavon

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 707

You deserved it 6 888

ADMIT IT!

By anti-drugs - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my mum accused me of doing heroin because some teaspoons had gone missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 601

You deserved it 4 316

That one weird kid

By shellski - 21/01/2012 01:21 - United States

Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know…" and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 807

You deserved it 2 353

Get that bussy

By Matt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was late for the bus. I chased after it for 3 blocks until I realized that the bus driver was laughing at me trying to catch her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 971

You deserved it 8 661

By Snow - 07/02/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 782

You deserved it 35 125

Sleigh bells

By dude, where's my balls? :( - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Anchorage

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 825

You deserved it 3 470

By whywilson.. - 02/03/2010 01:17 - Canada

Today, I watched Cast Away with my girlfriend after not seeing it for a year. I forgot how sad it was when Wilson "dies" at the end. I cried. My girlfriend told me to man up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 479

You deserved it 25 859

By Anonymous - 17/01/2012 11:57 - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been fooling around with for two weeks has a boyfriend, who is in jail, and is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 777

You deserved it 7 429

Broken

By ish - 14/08/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me in the parking lot right before a baseball game, then convinced me to still go to the game in tears. After the game, we were walking back to the car and he goes, "So, how about some break up lovin'?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 967

You deserved it 9 293

By jessierules93 - 07/12/2013 05:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a dream that I was playing fetch with my dog. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to the sound of my phone smashing against the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 834

You deserved it 4 772

jessierules93 tells us more.

jessierules93 11

Friday 13 December 2013 4:52

Lol thank everyone! My iPhone wasn't in a case but surprisingly it's fine! But the wall, not so much. I kinda put a hole in it haha

By Johnny - 19/12/2012 23:33 - United States - Memphis

Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy for me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift them when I saw the other man, who was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informed me he was buying them for his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 455

You deserved it 8 739

By appropriatepolice - 16/01/2012 08:19 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my 65-year-old mother that it is inappropriate for her to walk around in front of me in her underwear. Her response? "Too bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 872

You deserved it 13 725

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 046

You deserved it 14 611

By randinosaur - 13/03/2011 12:48 - United States

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 199

You deserved it 4 263

My body hates me

By Pain_intolerant - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I caught my finger in a sliding door. It made me pass out and give myself a concussion. My genetics would rather slam my face into the floor than deal with a pinched finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 010

You deserved it 5 115

Fools rush in

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 16:00 - United States - Utica

Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 181

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 540

You deserved it 8 088

Love is love

By anon - 22/11/2022 22:00

Today, I found out that my wife is indeed cheating on me. Not bad enough? She's sleeping with a guy who squats in a derelict storefront near our house. A hobo stole my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 210

By sister sister - 25/11/2013 17:38 - United States - Rhinebeck

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 907

You deserved it 19 362

By Anonymous - 04/03/2011 17:18 - Germany

Today, I dried my hands on the same towel I used this morning to wipe up a few shards of glass. You can't see the small splinters in my hands, but believe me, I can feel them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 852

You deserved it 42 310

Don't care

By grreeatttt - 31/01/2009 01:57 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I called him about two minutes after, and he'd already fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 388

You deserved it 35 227

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The Top

Today, I got food poisoning in the middle of the wilderness while hiking in a state park with my husband. I had to tend to nature several times before we reached our car. The only supplies I had was a bottle of water and a laminated trail map. It was part of an anniversary trip. How romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 023

You deserved it 1 063

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 695

You deserved it 4 236

Today, my university considered it an "embarrassment" that I was going to be the first and only person to graduate from my engineering course, so they gave free passes to two guys who hadn't finished their thesis yet. They were congratulated in the newspaper; I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 814

You deserved it 3 962

Today, I had to explain to one of my high school students that the importance of Pearl Harbor was not, in fact, because the Japanese stole the US pearl supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 429

You deserved it 3 971

Today, I found a picture my husband had saved on the computer. It was of me, and he had named it "Fatter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 222

You deserved it 12 614

Today, it took a whole year to convince my girlfriend to sleep in the same bed as me, because she was afraid she’d fart. Every time, I assured her she was just being paranoid. Turns out, she farts more than anyone I’ve ever slept with. Combined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 514