Today, I discovered my fiancé has been telling everyone else we are just friends, yet last night he wanted me to go with him to pick up my engagement ring. I'm supposing the wedding will be a surprise to everyone. FML
Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhood's garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML
Today, in front of a hospital, I noticed that an old lady was having trouble lighting her cigarette because she had Parkison's. So I went to help her to light it up and she then started chatting with me and told me she had lung cancer. FML
Today, I sent an email to my boss about a sensitive project. After hitting send and getting a response, I remembered I'd set my automatic reply to say, "I'm currently out of the office, enjoying a much-needed break from all the idiots I work with." My boss was not amused when he replied and got the automatic email in return. FML
Today, my bully made me cry once again. It's been going on for weeks. I don't know who to turn to; I can't say anything because I'd get into even more trouble. He even stole my Nintendo 3DS and won't give it back. My bully is my girlfriend's son. He's 10. FML
Today, I posted bail for my mom from jail. She did a hit and run, and then resisted arrest. When I asked why she didn’t stay at the scene, she unapologetically said, “I was gonna be late to church.” FML
Today, and for the past 3 days, my sister has been whining and crying about her “breakup” with her “boyfriend”. It’s the most annoying thing ever and I haven’t been able to sleep. FML
Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML
Today, I was walking to bed in fancy panties and a tight black tank top. My husband exclaimed, "This is the best part about being a grown up!" He was talking about the ice cream he was eating in bed. FML
Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML
Today, I was using the bathroom at McDonald's when my wallet fell out of my pocket. A lady reached into my stall and tried to grab it. FML
NotSoTypical tells us more.
Hello, OP here! So you FMLers know, my wallet now goes in safe places when I use the bathroom( ie. My purse or backpack.) I was actually in the process of reaching down to pick it up when her hand appeared in my stall, from under the door. I didn't step on her hand, but thought about it. I did yell at her and report her to management, though. She has actually stolen other people's wallets, so I guess I am lucky.
Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone, my dog nabbed it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML
Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML
Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML
Today, I didn't have enough money to tip my hairstylist, even though I thought I did and said I was, but I'm so broke, my card got declined at $50. I needed the haircut for an interview. I feel so f@%$>&* bad about it. FML
Today, yet again, I got to my desk at work at 8 AM to find my laptop turned on and porn sites opened. Weird porn sites. I have no idea who is doing this, or how they have access to my office, or how they got my login password. HR thinks I'm making this up. FML
MymB612 tells us more.
MymB612 14
Hey everyone, OP here :) Thanks for the funny comments, it IS a weird situation, you have no idea what it's like to try to convince the HR lady that "**** site were appearing on my desktop and I have no idea who is doing it or how it's being done" :P Let me clear a few things up (since the debates were polarized around change your password / install nanny cam / take laptop home): 1- Our login passwords are company issued and the IT change them every 6 months. If I want to change it I have to submit a formal request to the HR department, and since the lady didn't believe me back then, it wasn't an option to change it. 2- I did think about the nanny cam and wanted to get one so i could catch the culprit but the situation was solved before i had a chance to do that. 3- About taking the laptop home, not an option since they are extremely stingy and attached to their stuff (we actually have to send a friggin' email if we want pens or paper...) so they would have had that "HOW DARE SHE" look if i had suggested it :P Turns out the HR department got another complaint of the same nature from an employee from another floor, and since there were now two complaints they decided to investigate, and lo and behold, the most typical of twists... IT WAS THE JANITOOOOR They haven't said much yet, like about how he got the passwords (i'm guessing mopping behind us while we log in or something, we never really thought to notice if he was looking) and obviously he had keys. Still don't know why he picked our laptops, or why he didn't just look for **** elsewhere :/ or why he didn't just close the windows when he's done or whatever... Hopefully we'll find out more. So there you go :)
Today, I was at a job conference. At lunch, I saw this stunning guy. At dessert time, I coughed so much that the piece of chocolate cake in my mouth went straight onto his glasses. I think it's too late to introduce myself now. FML
Today, I posted in one of my groups about my lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, and took a pic of my feet to show some of the problems that come along with these diseases (like we all do). Facebook actually covered it, saying it could be offensive! Well damn, talk about their double standards on bullying. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend's "therapy" meetings have been with my best friend, in his truck. FML
Today, I was doing my makeup. Halfway through, I asked my SO what he thought of it, as I was working on a new eyeshadow technique. He said my eyeshadow looked great, but that, "One eyebrow is up here and the other is down there," and that I should fix it. I hadn't done my eyebrows yet. That's just where they are. FML
Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML
Today, I found my boyfriend making out with my mom. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Remember the show Honey Boo Boo? They seem sophisticated compared to the family of weirdoes I got to meet. It's almost got me reconsidering my planned proposal. FML
Today, I checked my mom's email to track a package I'm waiting to receive. Instead, I found out my mom canceled the order, and that my parents are getting a divorce and have been fighting via email for weeks. FML
Today, in an attempt to be romantic, I kissed my husband as passionately as I could. After, he looked at me and said, "You taste like Chinese food." FML
Today, I went over to get some ice cream. I found a rare parking spot in front of the store, and even had change in my pocket. After feeding the meter, A lady comes up to me and tells me that the meter was free after 8 o'clock. I paid 50 cents for it. I was 50 cents short for my ice cream. FML
Scare or be scared.
Today, I bought a used SUV that had fairly dirty carpets, that got even more dirty as I drove my two daughters around. I got it professionally cleaned and detailed and it looks brand new, but now my daughters cry and scream as I put them in the clean car, because their favorite stain is not there anymore. FML
Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML
Today, as I walked into my class, someone shouted at me, "Wild Snorlax Appeared! Use Your Ultra Balls!", since I am overweight and everyone in class laughed at me. I got made fun of by Pokémon nerds. FML
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