Today, while helping my aunts with a garage sale, I sold a relish tray that looked like my mothers. When I put stuff away, I found items of my mothers tagged. Turns out, instead of holding onto my dead mother's items for me until I can store them, they've been selling them at discount prices. FML
zz4htt90p tells us more.
Well, if I had a house, I would have stored it all, but I used my inheritance to go to college. I was 19 and they offered to store it.
Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML
Today, my boyfriend invited me over to his house. I was planning on breaking up with him while at his house. Turns out, it was a proposal party. I'm now engaged because it would've been rude to say no in front of his family that had flown in. FML
Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML
Today, I woke up at 11:11am. I was happy because I thought it was a sign that it was going to be a good day. I then realized that I was over an hour late for a job interview. FML
Today, I learned that my mother has been telling people that I need anger management. I'm not attending anger management, I'm attending therapy to aid in my recovery from abusive relationships. She doesn't understand the difference or why I find it upsetting. FML
Today, my friends let me win at strip poker so I wouldn't take off my clothes. FML
Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying because my cat sat on my husband's lap instead of mine. FML
Today, I found out that the plant in my kitchen that I have been watering for almost 2 years is fake. FML
Today, I parked my convertible in the 5 minute bay at the post office. When I came back out I noticed a bum in the front seat pretending to drive it. After shouting at him and pulling him out, he stumbled off. I was then slapped with a ticket for being parked longer than 5 minutes. FML
Today, I was making some scrambled eggs. I had the eggs in a pan, stirring for about ten minutes, before I realised that the eggs were cooking very slow. I tried to figure out what was wrong for another few minutes before my grandma pointed out to me that the oven wasn't turned on. FML
Today, I biked to the lake. And by "to" I mean "into". With my phone in my jacket and my laptop in my backpack. FML
Midion tells us more.
Midion 6
Sorry for the typo. I had this funny adventure and I didn't want to open an account to share it. By the way, I do exist in Milton (Cambridshire), and the lake was in Mill Road, Cambridge. I had to f***ing bike 20 minutes back home totally wet. Luckily my impermeable jacket and my rain-proof backpack saved my electronics.... Let's make a laugh together on it! Cheers, El Midion (this name is obviously not real, I don't wanna tell you my real one! XD)
Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML
Today, I went to my dad's house for Christmas. Soon enough, my grandma had commented on how much weight I've gained, my aunt asked me why I'm still single, and my dad joined in by reminding me that I still haven't been accepted into college. Only three more days to go. FML
Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML
Today, I woke up to find my fiancé in the pool with a topless woman he had told me "not to worry about". FML
MallowMistress tells us more.
Hey! OP here! I am kind of amazed this got posted! But it was a pool at our house, yes we are still engaged after much arguing, crying and confrontation. Nothing happened, but there was talk of them possibly being more until she realized she didnt want to ruin her own relationship over soemthing like that, because he had told her we were open so he can do whatever. (We had been at one time, but not in over a year.) So yeah hes in the doghouse and contact outside of work with her is now very limited and always monitored.
Today, I decided to make new friends, so I sat with the lonely guy at lunch. Now he keeps following me, with his phone in a camera position. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house and had to go to the bathroom. While peeing, I had a cough attack. The cough shook my body, making me pee all over my pants. My girlfriend's parents just arrived. FML
Today, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with the lights off. It was 1AM and I'd just finished watching a scary movie so I was a little paranoid. I was about to fall asleep when an eerie light lit the room. I jumped, got tangled in the sheets, and hit my head against the bed frame. Where'd the light come from? Not a space ship. Not someone breaking in. It was my phone. FML
Today, my father was pruning the tree in our front yard. I was helping him collect the falling branches. At one point, a branch fell and I was under it. My father jumped to push me out of the way. Instead he pushed the branch into my face. FML
Today, my brother "pranked" me by dropping my new laptop out my bedroom window. He'd set up a saran wrap safety net below to catch my laptop safely, but he didn't secure it well enough. My laptop is completely fucked and he won't accept responsibility because he didn't mean to break it. FML
Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML
Today, I fell asleep during my division emergency meeting. As I about to head home that evening, my boss patted me on the back saying, "Wrong move. Good luck". Turned out, it was a meeting to determine who will be kicked out of the company due to recession. My name was written first on the list. FML
Today, my wife, daughter, and I get to spend the next four hours in the ER. Why? Because we're all throwing up at the same time. At least it counts as a family activity. FML
Today, my fiancé and I told my future mother-in-law that we are expecting. Her response was, "Why are you doing this to me?" FML
dyingangel246 tells us more.
Hi everyone, OP here. I'd like to start by saying that the few of you who said she doesn't like me, you are probably right. When my fiance and I got engaged she didn't want to tell her family, to this day 2 years later I don't know who does and doesn't know. I believe she doesn't want to accept the fact that her 27, almost 28 year old son is getting married and starting a family. I myself am 26. My family on the other hand is super excited. She has stated a couple times that she is in no position to support us once the baby gets here. My fiance works 45+ hours a week at a very good job so we will be fine. We tried telling her that we won't need her support financially and she doesn't believe us. We live somewhere there is enough room to raise a child. Also my insurance will cover all of our hospital and Dr bills. My fiance and I have been together for over 5 years and living together for almost 3. We both love each other very much and are excited about the life we created. I figure if that's how she wants to act then oh well it's her loss! Sorry that was so long!
Today, I overheard mom talking about how my youngest sister was the only one who used the money from the insurance settlement from my dad's death responsibly. I was in my first semester of college when she cashed in mine for a vacation. I had to drop out. FML
MomsFavorite tells us more.
Sorry, the limits on number of characters made my description a bit light on details. Dad was killed in a car accident and the insurance co of the driver of the vehicle who hit him paid out a settlement. The amount is really none of your business, but the principal plus returns between settlement and when I started to draw it was enough to cover tuition only for 4+ years. Money was placed in trust for each of us- all of us with mom as custodian, as we were minors. At that time, unless the minor changes/removes the custodian when they turn the age of majority, the custodian remains indefinetly. Mom cashes in fund and when I come home for christmas break to get the portion of the money for second semester tuition, says she used the money on a vacation for herself and my loser stepdad. Later I found out she invested it, made a killing and kept it all. She didn't want to put HER money on the line- in case the investment didn't work out. I even got to pay taxes on the capital gains!! I continued attending college until my SAVINGS was gone and LOANS I qualified for didn't cover expenses (mom was loaded from her part of the settlement and life insurance so I didn't qualify for much) I dropped out. DECADES later, I overhear her telling someone in our family that my youngest sister is the only one who used the money wisely from the settlement. Apparently, she has been telling everyone that I pissed my part of it away. Hope that clarifies. I guess having a college education would have given me the skills to change the second "she" to "mom".
Today, I was rehearsing for a school play. My drama teacher keeps criticising the part where I fake-trip, saying I make it look terribly fake. During today's rehearsal, I actually tripped for real, and smashed my kneecaps against the floor with a scream. He still said my "acting" sucked. FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
Today, as I walked on to the bus, the girl I liked whispered something to her friend. Curious, I asked what was so funny. She said she never realized that when I got on, I shook the bus. FML
Today, a man at the comic book store I work at asked me if Spider-Man is based on a real story, and verbally abused me when, thinking he was joking, I laughed. He wasn't. FML
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